ellrisa blog

666: The Number of the Beast

2007-08-10T02:35:00.000-07:00

Even those who have never read the Bible will recognize it. Revered by the occult and feared by the superstitious, it’s a number forever linked with infamy. It is the number six hundred sixty-six. For over two millennia, this number has been used as a proxy for Satan himself. It’s been the subject of endless speculation, hearsay, and confusion.

And during this time, it’s been used to justify the false identification of hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of individuals as the Antichrist. These false identifications have only served to confuse people as to the original Biblical meaning of the number 666, and unfortunately, they also cause many to dismiss bible prophecy as a mere superstition of crackpots and conspiracy theorists.

So where does the number 666 come from? And what does it mean?

All the speculation concerning 666 comes from a single verse in the Book of Revelation. In a passage describing the Antichrist and his world empire, we learn the following:

“He required everyone – great and small, rich and poor, slave and free – to be given a mark on the right hand or on the forehead. And no one could buy or sell anything without that mark, which was either the name of the beast or the number representing his name. Wisdom is needed to understand this. Let the one who has understanding solve the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man. His number is 666.” Revelation 13:16-18 (NLT)

During the Great Tribulation, the Antichrist will require everyone on the earth to be given a mark on the right hand or the forehead. Those who refuse this mark will be unable to buy or sell anything, effectively cutting them off from all economic activity – the purchase and sale of food, water, shelter, and the basic necessities of life.

This mark will have the following characteristics:

1) It will be the name of the beast
2) It will be the number representing his name
3) It will be the number of a man
and
4) The number is 666

Let’s address each of these aspects individually in order to gain a firm grasp of their intended meaning:

The Name of the Beast

Who is the beast? Traditionally, “the name of the beast” is interpreted as being the name of the Antichrist, who is clearly referenced in verses 11-18 of Revelation Chapter 13 (this topic will be addressed in-depth in a later article). However, in these verses, the Antichrist is described as a second beast who exercises “all the authority of the first beast.” The first beast is described in verses 1-10 of the same chapter, but this beast does not represent the Antichrist as some believe, but rather the world empire the Antichrist will rule.

We know this because the first beast has “seven heads and ten horns” (verse 1), and this is a beast students of bible prophecy have seen before.

In the Book of Daniel, we are introduced to him as “the fourth beast,” a global empire that will destroy everything in its path:

“Then he said to me, ‘This fourth beast is the fourth world power that will rule the earth. It will be different from all the others. It will devour the whole world, trampling everything in its path. Its ten horns are ten kings that will rule that empire. Then another king will arise, different from the other ten, who will subdue three of them. He will defy the Most High and wear down the holy people of the Most High.’” Daniel 7:23-25 (NLT)

Does this fourth world power sound familiar? It has “ten horns” (Rev 13:1) and will trample everything in its path, probably prompting people to ask “Is there anyone as great as the beast? Who is able to fight against him?” (Rev 13:4). It will also devour “the whole world,” gaining authority over “every tribe and people and language and nation” (Rev 13:7)

We also learn that the Antichrist will “require all the earth and those who belong to this world to worship the first beast, whose death wound had been healed” (Rev 13:12). Who is this beast whose death wound has been healed? The wounded beast who will be resurrected is the fourth beast in Daniel 7 – the world empire of ancient Rome, which was never completely destroyed like previous world empires. In the last days, the Roman Empire will appear once again, and the world will marvel at its appearance.

Daniel confirms this when he states that the Antichrist will be a ruler from the people who destroy the Temple in A.D. 70 (Daniel 9:26). The Romans destroyed the Temple, and they will have a ruler once again in the last days, confirming that the Roman Empire must once again exist.

The Book of Revelation also predicts this resurrection of Rome:

“Five kings have already fallen, the sixth now reigns, and the seventh is yet to come, but his reign will be brief.” Revelation 17:10 (NLT)

The angel reveals to John that 5 of the kingdoms have fallen:

1) Egypt
2) Assyria
3) Babylonia
4) Medo-Persia
5) Greece

The sixth kingdom “now reigns”:

6) Rome (John’s vision occurred in the 1st Century, when Rome still ruled the known world)

And the seventh “is yet to come”:

7) The Revived Roman Empire

In the last days, this resurrected Roman Empire will rule all of humanity. Its reign will be brief, but it will be like no other kingdom before it.

The Antichrist will require all the earth and those who belong to this world to worship the revived Roman Empire, a global government that will rule “over every tribe and people and language and nation” (Rev 13:7)

So the “name of the beast” described in Revelation 13:17 is not the name of the Antichrist as widely believed, but instead, it will be a name associated with the world empire he requires the world to worship.

The Number Representing His Name

If the mark of the beast is “the name of the beast,” how can it also be “the number representing his name”? Ancient Greek and Hebrew, the two languages most associated with the Book of Revelation, both used an alphanumeric system in which each letter of the alphabet correlates with a number. What verse 18 reveals is that the mark, which is the name of the beast, will have a numeric value that can be calculated as the number 666. The only way to “calculate” this number is if it appears as letters that need to be interpreted in a numerical form. Therefore, we can say with certainty that the mark of the beast will not be a literal brand of “666,” but rather it will be a word or a phrase which when converted into its numerical equivalent will represent the number 666.

How this is properly calculated depends on whether or not John originally wrote the Book of Revelation in Greek or Hebrew. Tradition says he originally wrote the book in Greek. However, a strong case has been made that the book was originally written in Hebrew, then quickly translated into Greek. Not knowing for sure multiplies the difficulty of calculating the number of the beast, because each letter of the Greek and Hebrew alphabet is associated with a different numerical value.

The Number of a Man

If the number 666 represents the revived Roman Empire and not a man (the Antichrist) as traditionally believed, then why does verse 18 say, “…for it is the number of a man”? The answer is that some translations interpret this verse as “…for it is the number of humanity.” Either way, in both cases, the verse can be interpreted as “mankind” or the “entirety of the human race.” If this is the case, it tells us that the number 666 will not only be the name of the beast (the revived Roman Empire), but it will also be reflective of the entire human race, especially those who freely chose to accept it on their right hand or forehead.

When Daniel conveys God’s interpretation of Nebuchadnezzar’s dream, the empires of the world are symbolized in the form of a statue – a statue of a man.

“Your Majesty, in your vision you saw in front of you a huge and powerful statue of a man, shining brilliantly, frightening and awesome.” Daniel 2:31 (NLT)

The association of this statue with mankind and world government provides a strong indication that the mark of the beast is more akin to the number of humanity, rather than any particular individual.

The Number is 666

>From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible associates certain numbers with an overall theme. The number six is often associated with mankind. For instance, man was created on the sixth day. Similarly, the number seven is often associated with perfection and rest. For instance, God rested on the seventh day.

In contrast to the number seven, six is viewed as highly symbolic of incompletion or imperfection. Just as man has “fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23), the number six is symbolic of man’s shortfall of the perfection of God’s seven.

When the number six is repeated three times in the number 666, many believe it’s indicative of Satan’s attempt to imitate the trinity.

The Price of Accepting the Mark of the Beast

The Antichrist and his followers will pay a hefty price for accepting the mark of the beast. The Bible tells us that ALL who accept the mark of the beast will face eternal judgment for their decision. The following verses reveal the consequences of this rebellion against God:

“Then a third angel followed them, shouting, ‘Anyone who worships the beast and his statue or who accepts his mark on the forehead or the hand must drink the wine of God’s wrath. It is poured out undiluted into God’s cup of wrath. And they will be tormented with fire and burning sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and the Lamb. The smoke of their torment rises forever and ever, and they will have no relief day or night, for they have worshiped the beast and his statue and have accepted the mark of his name.” Revelation 14:9-11 (NLT)

“So the first angel left the Temple and poured out his bowl over the earth, and horrible, malignant sores broke out on everyone who had the mark of the beast and who worshiped his statue.” Revelation 16:2 (NLT)

“And the beast was captured, and with him the false prophet who did mighty miracles on behalf of the beast – miracles that deceived all who had accepted the mark of the beast and who worshiped his statue.” Revelation 19:20 (NLT)

Acceptance of the mark is not a matter to be taken lightly. Anyone who accepts the mark denies Christ in favor of a false god. This decision, once made, is irrevocable, and the consequences are everlasting.

However, for those who refuse the mark, a future of eternal bliss awaits. Although they will suffer persecution to the point of death, their steadfast faithfulness in honor of Jesus Christ, will open the door to an eternity in the presence of God.

“Then I saw thrones, and the people sitting on them had been given authority to judge. And I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded for their testimony about Jesus, for proclaiming the word of God. And I saw the souls of those who had not worshiped the beast or his statue, nor accepted his mark on their forehead or their hands.” Revelation 20:4 (NLT)

These verses are clear. Under no circumstances should anyone, especially a believer in Christ, accept the mark of the beast. To do so, leads only to ruin.

Superstition Surrounding the Number 666

The world is filled with superstition, especially when it comes to numbers. Some feel the number 13 is unlucky, and they avoid anything associated with the number. For a lot of people, the number 666 has the same effect. But God makes it clear that we are not to fear this number. Having a license plate, a sales receipt, or a street address will the number 666 is nothing to be concerned about. Anyone who thinks so it attributing supernatural power to a number, and the Bible clearly states that believers should fear God, and God only:

“Do not fear anything except the Lord Almighty. He alone is the Holy One. If you fear him, you need fear nothing else.” Isaiah 8:13 (NLT)

Jesus underscores this command while teaching his disciples not to fear persecution:

“Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill you. They can only kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” Matthew 10:28 (NLT)

The things of this world are fleeting, but the Lord Almighty, and He only, will determine our eternal destiny. Therefore, don’t be concerned with such trivial superstitions as the random occurrence of the number 666.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the true meaning of the number 666 will not become apparent until the Great Tribulation, when the Antichrist forces the world population to accept the number as a mark on the right hand or on the forehead. Contemporary attempts to calculate this number ahead of time as either the name of a person, human beings, or the revived Roman Empire, will only lead to frustration. Even worse, these attempts may end up having a negative impact in that, once proved false, they will damage the credibility of those who teach end times bible prophecy in general. If the devil can convince the world that bible prophecy is the exclusive domain of crackpots and conspiracy theorists, then he can snatch away a valuable tool for spreading the Gospel of Christ.

In the end, it is the duty of our generation to carefully examine the meaning of Revelation 13:16-18 and convey an accurate historical interpretation of these verses for others. If we succeed, the end times generation will have the ability to properly interpret the number of the beast. Because once the Antichrist arrives on the world scene and announces his intention to require the mark, it will become clear to everyone on earth what acceptance of this number really means. Whether the number of an individual, a kingdom, or mankind itself, acceptance of the number 666 will be tantamount to a public rejection of Jesus Christ.

Why Does God Permit Evil?

2007-08-10T02:33:00.002-07:00

It’s not a new question, of course. Those believing in God want an answer that supports rather than dissolves their faith. Atheists offer this conundrum as an evidence that the ‘god’ their philosophical opponents postulate cannot exist. In their minds, an all-powerful God who is good would hate evil, and would use His power to eradicate it. Of course, this position has some theological problems for the theist, but apparently not for the atheist.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I received an invitation to download an ebook that dealt with this question. It was offered by a group calling itself the Orlando Bible Students (formerly the Dawn Bible Students Association) and I think it fairly reflects the position that many ‘conservative Christian’ people take on the question. I thought it lacked depth, but I think many church-goers are enamored of rock music and fellowship, and likewise lack depth. Still, after this effort, I felt a cogent answer was not offered. And I wrote to suggest a dialog. They have not yet written back.

This being the case, I will post this article and send them the link, and we shall see what happens.

Their approach started by discussing natural disasters. “If God hated evil, why would He allow volcanos and tsunamis and earthquakes?” I think this question misses the point entirely. Because natural disasters aren’t evil.

Unpleasant, certainly. But there is nothing in God’s moral law against hurricanes and tornadoes, even if property is destroyed or people get killed. It is simply not a moral issue. God owns the property and God owns the people. Our God is in heaven; He does whatever He pleases. (Psalm 115:3) And He is not accountable to us.

Suppose there is a major baseball game. It’s the bottom of the sixth, and the pitcher on the mound is having the best game of his life. A mile away, a farmer is watching his parched crops wither away. Suddenly, a rainstorm blows in, ending the game but bringing the rain the farmer so desperately needed.

Was this evil? Obviously not. It simply didn’t suit the preferences of one person subject to it. Now, let’s add a tornado to the mix. It tears through the ballpark and kills the pitcher and 19 people in the stands, including a 1-year-old child. Is this evil? Can we lay this monstrous sin at the feet of Adam and Eve? Or God? Who sinned? Whose fault was it?

I have maintained, and I think the Bible supports, the idea that there is a connection between the moral universe and the physical universe. But it would be an unwarranted leap to suggest that our specific transgressions trigger earthquakes or tornadoes or anything else. God only knows whether that one-year-old would have grown up to be a brilliant doctor or a mass-murderer. In this case, God sovereignly decided otherwise. In any event, it is God’s prerogative to decide who lives where and for how long, and how their time on earth will be ended.

God has given us this world to live in. It may not suit all of our preferences, but He is not required to accommodate us with gentle breezes, balmy weather, and geologic stability. This is where we live, and we’re allowed by His grace to live here.

* * * * *

This leads to the next part of the issue. Suppose this one-year-old had not been brought to the game, but had been left with a care-giver who turned out to be a psychopathic child-killer. Since I have taken the position that it’s God’s prerogative to decide, is the psychopath innocent because he was just doing what God obviously ordained? That is, if God wanted the child to grow up, it would have been impossible for anyone to kill him. Either that, or God really has no sovereignty, just some strongly held preferences.

I think this gets closer to the real issue, and this is where I wish to clarify. To do so, we must begin by clarifying how profound and pervasive sin is in the human heart. And these thoughts are not pleasant.

I begin with an indictment against the consumer-driven mentality and theology of the modern American evangelical churches. I believe they have seriously trivialized sin and, as a result, have necessarily trivialized salvation. Nowhere in the scriptures do you see someone getting saved by opening the door of their heart and inviting Jesus to come in and be their personal savior. People are never described as being ‘basically good’ or as well-intentioned but imperfect. We are consistently described as deceitful, desperately wicked, undeserving, self-centered, brutish, vile, loathsome, having a lust for evil. We are not even a teensy-weensy bit good. We are totally depraved.

Now, is this ‘total depravity’ something that we just inherited from Adam, over which we had no control? I mean, a pig can’t help being a pig: both its parents were pigs. And pigs by nature will roll in the mud. Can you blame them? And if our parents were both sinners, and their parents before them, can we be blamed for just being what we are?

That’s a fair question, and it deserves a straight answer. But the straight answer is a little more metaphysical than most people are used to considering. Let me start with a question: If God ceased His creative activity 6,000 years ago, then where have you been?

There is an interesting clue in the 7th chapter of Hebrews. In this passage, the argument is presented that Levi paid tithes to Melchizedek while he was still in the loins of Abraham. This is presented as part of a substantive argument for the superiority of Christ the High Priest over the Levitical priesthood. The point is that Levi had personhood, and moral capacity, before his grandfather was even born. This wasn’t a theoretical, imaginary, or metaphorical construct. The author (Paul, I believe, but we can discuss that later) was laying out a concrete theological argument. Levi paid a tithe.

Levi was credited with an act of subservience. Let’s look at another example: God stated His love for Jacob and his contempt for Esau before either was born (they were fraternal twins) according to Romans 9:11. Another suggestion of pre-embrionic existence and moral culpability is in Exodus 20:5, Exodus 34:7, Numbers 14:18, Deuteronomy 5:9, 2 Kings 10:30 and 2 Kings 15:12. In each of these passages, the reach of God’s judgment or blessing reaches to the fourth generation.

Saul of Tarsus was consenting in the matter of the death of Stephen, and even though he threw no stones, he had Stephen’s blood on his hands from that day forward, and he knew it. Similarly, though I did not actively cause or even participate in the sins of my great-grandfather, it appears that I was consenting or in some other way participating. And with that comes a measure of culpability. God would be unjust to judge an innocent person, or to visit the consequences of sin on someone who had no sin.

The disciples apparently understood this. In John chapter 9 they asked if a man’s sin had caused him to be born blind. Reincarnationists like to mis-apply this verse, but it is clear that Jewish theology never had any support for reincarnation. But they were familiar with the verses previously cited. Was the man who was born blind simply receiving judgment for pre-embrionic transgression?

Jesus said ‘no’ but did not discount their question.

God limits His judgment to four generations, but we read in Romans 5 that “God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” In other words, I was a sinner when Christ died for me. I was a sinner before I was even born. And where was I? In the loins of my forebear. I was in Adam when he transgressed and, because of that, I became subject to death. I was, by nature a child of wrath. In some sense, I participated.

* * * * *

Besides the sci-fi flavor of an argument like this is the question of implications. Certainly we can’t put newborns on trial for the sins of their fathers. And my intention is not to deal with ‘sins’ but with sin. The point is that we are not innocent, and haven’t been for 6,000 years. Similarly, we can’t properly argue that a child just needs a little bit of Jesus because his sins are few and minor, whereas a 40-year-old man might need ‘a whole lotta Jesus’ because he’s been screwing up so much more seriously. And we certainly can’t reason (though some do) that we just need Christ to supplement our righteousness, or to make up a shortfall or pay the part of our debt that we can’t manage.

We wonder how a just God could send that dear little old lady who did so many nice things to the same place of torments He sends Hitler. But this simply betrays our ignorance of both sin and God’s holiness. So let’s consider for a moment the case of a homeowner who owns two dogs.

One is a rather large dog, perhaps a German Shepherd. Fido the Shepherd is not housebroken. The other is a Chihuahua named Spot. Spot is not housebroken either. Both dogs will, by nature, relieve themselves whenever and where ever they have the urge.

Both unload on the living room carpet. Clearly, Fido makes a bigger mess. Is he, therefore, less housebroken than Spot?

Both are placed in the kitchen, where there is a linoleum floor. The mess this time is easier to clean up. Would you conclude that they are more housebroken in the kitchen than in the rest of the house?

There is a folding gate between the kitchen and the living room which Fido can jump over, but Spot can’t. So Fido makes another mess in the living room. Or – the homeowner sees both dogs sniffing and circling and rightly guesses that the time is coming. He is able to hustle Spot out into the back yard, but Fido makes his mess on the floor. Was Spot a ‘good dog’ for going outside?

All we bring to our relationship with God is rebelliousness, recalcitrance, wickedness and iniquity. That’s it. We are, as noted in Ephesians 2, natural children of wrath. We are, therefore, totally culpable for not only the sins we consummate, but the sin in our hearts. Read your Bible: the lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life. Jesus’ judgment for the one who has committed adultery with her already in his heart by just a lustful gaze. We’re a lot worse than we like to think, and a lot worse than most pastors are willing to tell us.

We don’t know what awful thoughts the little old lady had. However, we can affirm with some confidence that the only difference between her and Hitler was opportunity.

And where is God in all this? He shapes our lives, limits our opportunities, constrains our evil. Paul says this in 2 Corinthians 5 when he writes the love of Christ constrains us. “Constrain” means ‘to force by imposed stricture, restriction, or limitation.’ What is in us that requires imposed stricture, restriction, or limitation? Is it our natural tendency to love one another? I would suggest that it is our inherent wickedness.

Joseph’s brothers wanted to kill him. God constrained their evil and preserved Joseph alive and, as Joseph told his brothers later, You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good. Even the finest ‘good’ deeds are tainted unless they are done completely out of love for God. Half-hearted love for God or luke-warm ‘commitment’ to Him is abominable.

We need a SAVIOR, not self-improvement classes, self-esteem enhancement, or a good example.

* * * * *

My indictment continues, because the ‘churches’ that dot the landscape have given us a soft and gentle, meek and mild “Jesus” who comes to us oh so humbly and asks … no, BEGS us to please please open the door and let him come in. I find it nauseating, as should any true Christian. We’re not doing God any favors and, as a matter of fact, we need to be dragged by the Holy Spirit to the feet of Christ and saved as an act of His sovereign grace. The only ‘free will’ responses we have toward God or the Gospel of His Kingdom is resistance and contempt.

In the grand scheme, it appears to me that ‘free will’ is a singularity rather than an ongoing series of choices. Rather like a mortgage (or a marriage), in that one makes a singular decision at a point in time and then lives out the consequences. At a point in time, I decide as a matter of free will to sign a mortgage. The lender then pre-scribed the outworking of my decision. The outworking may run for 30 years and my performance is mandated.

Another example may be someone who makes a ‘free will’ decision to take a part in a play. His participation is then scripted by the Director. For us, our ‘free will’ decision was to set ourselves in rebellion against God. Subsequently, God in his sovereign mercy, has mapped out the consequences of our decision.

Psalm 139 points this out: “In Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. ” (verse 16). The King James language is rather obscure but fortunately, some modern versions are clearer. This is consistent with both the scriptures and the sovereignty of God. Just consider: the Word of God is eternal. The scripture cannot be broken. Judas Iscariot (like the rest of us) had sin and rebellion in his heart. In His sovereignty, and to accomplish His purpose, God allowed Judas the opportunity to manifest his character at a point in history. In love, God constrained most of the evil in Judas’ life, as He does in ours. But not all. This particular transgression was not only allowed, but it was scripted. This day appointed for Judas was written in God’s book before it had come to pass.

David’s sin with Bathsheba was written in God’s eternal word. David committed the act as a divinely-allowed outworking of his sinful nature and expression of his ‘free will.’ But God was not sitting in heaven with His stylus poised, waiting to see what David would do so He would know what to include in His eternal Word. God scripted the naming of Cyrus and the events in Daniel.

* * * * *

Here, for the time being, my indictment ends. Our good God takes our iniquity, which is all we bring into this experience, and shapes it for His ends. We are living in a world of restrained evil. Our contribution is the evil, and God’s is the restraint. He allows transgressions of His moral law because He is sovereign. He allows the consequences of others’ sin to fall on us because He is gracious. Were He to allow us unrestrained free will, we would quickly realize that the wrath of man is much more unpleasant than the mercy and grace that God daily visits upon us.

Why does God permit evil? Because He loves us. We are so essentially evil that, were He to destroy evil, he would have to destroy us. Our sin is not superficial, but is at the very core of who we are. The presence of evil is not inconsistent with the existence or omnipotence of God. Rather, it is evidence of His compassion and grace. It simply needs to be seen in the light of our desperate and unreformable wickedness.

Why Does God Permit Evil?

2007-08-10T02:33:00.001-07:00

Experience Versus Truth - Which Do We Choose?

2007-08-10T02:32:00.000-07:00

Something that we all come to recognize at some point is that experience is a very powerful teacher. The things that we have heard and seen may touch our lives, but our experiences, which combine hearing, seeing, and feeling, have a much deeper impact on us.

My wife is sometimes amazed, but usually confounded and even frustrated, that I have difficulty remembering things we've done together, but that I can remember lines from a movie I haven't seen in thirty years. I've even wondered myself why that is, and the best answer that I've come up with isn't because the movie has music playing in the background, although I think that really helps stimulate our emotions. Instead I believe that it's because I focused my attention on the movie, I wasn't distracted by other thoughts, and in many cases I had the opportunity to see it more than once.

Our experiences are often like movies in our lives. We can play them over and over again in our minds as we remember them, and many of them even get repeated throughout our lives. I don't mean that we experience the exact same thing, but we often have very similar experiences.

The things that happened to us growing up; what we observed in our parents, teachers, and others, are experiences that affect us for the rest of our lives. What those memories end up becoming are beliefs about the way things "are" or how life is supposed to work. A bad experience becomes a fear, the belief that something will hurt us, which we will then try to avoid at all costs. On the other hand, a good experience can become a conviction about what makes us happy and we may spend the rest of our lives trying to relive it.

The Reader's Digest did a survey some years ago about people's greatest fears. Oddly enough, the number one fear wasn't death. The greatest fear for most people is speaking in public.

How about you? Do you get butterflies in your tummy at just the thought of speaking in front of a group of people?

What may have caused that fear was an experience, probably in either kindergarten or first grade, when you had to take part in something called "show and tell". It's likely that you said or did something that made the other kids laugh, which hurt, and that memory has been like a broken record in your head ever since. It just keeps playing again and again and you are convinced that you're no good at doing presentations for groups.

As bad as that may be for some of us, there are instances in our lives that can be devastating, especially in the effect that they have on our faith. For example, have you ever prayed for something and then not gotten an answer?

Just like when the kids laughed in school, the memory of the disappointment over unanswered prayer may be repeating in your mind every time you just think about prayer. Those bad experiences have become a fear, the belief that God doesn't love you, won't listen to you, and never gives you what you ask for.

Luke 11:9-10 says, "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Even when Hebrews 6:18 tells us that it is impossible for God to lie, we have all experienced what it's like to ask and then not receive.

But should we let our experience tell us what's true and what we're supposed to believe? Or should we look to the Bible to teach us the truth?

As powerful as our experiences and the beliefs they helped us form may be, the truth of God's word is even stronger. But in order to take what the Bible says and make it a belief, something that has been repeated and become firmly lodged in our minds, we have to make a conscious effort to meditate on and obey His word.

Joshua 1:8 says, "Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful."

The word "meditate" means to mumble or mutter. It means that we need to speak God's word out loud to ourselves. D. Martyn Lloyd Jones, in his book "Spiritual Depression" asks us, "Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?"

We can either let our past experiences tell us what we should believe, or we can decide to change our beliefs. The way to do that is to continually talk to ourselves about the promises of God. When we pray we should remind ourselves of Jesus' promise "You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." (John 14:14)

So the next time you go to God in prayer, and begin to wonder if He will answer you, just say to yourself, "In the past I may have felt like God didn't hear me, but I now choose to believe what He said in His word. I choose to believe the truth that as long as I desire to remain in Him, and to let His word remain in me, I can ask for whatever I wish, and it will be given to me (John 15:7)."

Along with the assurance that God will answer us, we need the flexibility to receive His answer. God will rarely answer us in the way that we expect because He has promised to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Our expectation needs to be that He will give us an answer that is bigger and better than what we asked for, and we need to start looking for God to surprise us with His goodness.

Stopping the Blind

2007-08-10T02:31:00.000-07:00

Between immigration laws and new passport regulations, some people can't get into the United States and others are having a hard time leaving. President Bush's immigration bill, the center of his remaining domestic policy agenda, came apart at the seams yesterday and will most likely not be revisited any time soon. The bipartisan bill seems to have been dismantled by an even stronger bipartisan effort, perhaps redefining the term "business as usual," even by Washington standards. Meanwhile, Homeland Security and the State Department are engaged in a turf war over implementing new measures for passports use by U.S. citizens, resulting in a backlog of unprocessed documents for people ready to travel. Those measures have been temporarily relaxed for those traveling by air to Canada, Bermuda, the Caribbean and Mexico who have already applied for their passports and have a receipt for the transaction. God help you if you have travel plans in the next few months and you delayed applying because you may be stuck. Or, as Rep. Heather Wilson (R-NM) so succinctly put it, "To say people must have a passport to travel and not give people a passport is right up there in the stupid column."

Interesting that these two issues sat side by side on the front page of my local newspaper this morning. Interesting, and not all that coincidental. We are at odds with ourselves these days over who should be allowed into our country and for what reasons. So it is not surprising that the desire to know where all of our own people are at any given moment would come back to haunt us in such a basic way. Some might call this passport nightmare a bit of political karma, or even poetic justice in the "what goes around, comes around" school of thought. We want to control who has access to the wealth and opportunities our country has to offer, but we are now potentially either held captive or not allowed back in if we leave because our government can't keep up with its own paperwork. One could also make a good case here for bitter irony.

The gospels contain a number of stories surrounding Jesus' interactions with his followers that speak of this same human need to present their own interests while shoving others aside in the process. One such case was while Jesus was traveling with his disciples. "As he drew near to Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging; and hearing a multitude going by, he inquired what this meant. They told him, 'Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.' And he cried, 'Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!' And those who were in front rebuked him, telling him to be silent; but he cried out all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!' And Jesus stopped and commanded him to be brought to him and when he came near, he asked him, 'What do you want me to do for you?' He said, 'Lord, let me receive my sight.' And Jesus said to him, 'Receive your sigh; your faith has made you well.' And immediately he received his sight and followed him, glorifying God; and all the people, when they saw it, gave praise to God (Luke 18:35-43)."

By the time Jesus encounters the blind beggar on the way to Jericho, he has begun talking with his disciples about what lies ahead for himself and for them. Needless to say, they aren't quite getting it, having become so wrapped up in the ongoing saga that had become their lives. Thinking past experiencing day-to-day events as they unfolded may have never occurred to them. But for the larger communities among which they traveled and worked, Jesus' arrival, and subsequent teaching, preaching and healing, would have potentially been a one time only event. It is more understandable in this context to see that some people would do anything in their power to be a a part of the moment, even telling a blind beggar to shut up while pushing him out of the way.

While understandable, it didn't pay off as expected. The blind beggar didn't comply, Jesus heard him, and he had his moment to state his request. Interesting that he asked to receive his sight , and Jesus used the same language in return, adding that the man's faith had made him well. Is this blind beggar our own vision of a pious, faithful believer? He was loud, insistent and completely uncaring of what anyone else thought of him. His entire focus was on laying claim to his opportunity to trust his faith and be healed by Jesus. But most importantly, he didn't limit or take away anyone else's chance to connect with Jesus or also be heard. He furthered his own cause at no one else's expense. Perhaps that is why Jesus heard his voice above so many others that day. In trying to subvert another's access to Jesus' presence and power, more than a few people likely left empty handed.

What does our own desire to control our borders to an unprecedented degree tell us about ourselves? What do we become when we think shutting people out of our country is a good thing, while expecting to be welcomed to other people's countries with open arms? When we make choices to exclude people or deny them access to the United States, what part of our faith are we suspending to shove people out of the way so our own interests will be protected?

The blind beggar's story ends on a happy note. He receives his sight, follows Jesus and glorifies God. And somehow the crowd which witnessed the miracle of new sight in one man was changed too, and praised God as well. Those who had scorned and disrespected someone more vulnerable than themselves were also healed and transformed. Perhaps we can be healed as well, lifted up from our bunkers of fear, back into the light of hope and grace. We just might be able to reclaim our strength as a country that invites people to become, and in the process, we may also reclaim our own freedom to come and go as we please, passports in hand.

This Place for Today

2007-08-10T02:30:00.000-07:00

Packing is arduous business.

Finding myself relocating to a new city means participating in the age-old, time-honored practice of pulling up stakes, shutting off utilities and looking ahead to another part of my life as it unfolds. The packing is simply the physical rendition of sorting and filing memories, moments and hopes that evidence the truth of the time spent in any place we choose to call home. Having done this a few times before, I am familiar with the process, its delights and its pitfalls. Gathering one's life together, releasing its unneeded portions to the universe, fitting the remainder into a box on wheels and trusting it will be intact and ready to be welcomed into a new space at the other end of the road, is both an act of will and faith. This move calls forth a good measure of the former and a greater measure of the latter than any other move has required.

My mother's family started their journey in this country in upstate New York in the early nineteenth century. Eventually making their way through the Midwest, my great grandparents met in Iowa in the latter part of that era and continued their travels to Minnesota by way of South Dakota. My mother remembers that they returned to Iowa each year to help with the cattle drives, the women running the chuck wagon to provide home cooked meals for the cowboys. Their son carried on the tradition, moving his wife, son and daughter through Wisconsin and North Dakota before settling in Chicago. When my mother speaks of where she grew up, it is Chicago she remembers as home. While I know my grandfather moved his family to accommodate his work, I am not sure why his parents kept to the road for so long.

But what their movement across the land tells me is that they were strong people with dreams, willing to withstand endless days walking next to covered wagons containing their whole lives to the frontiers of a place completely unknown to them. Each generation pushed a little further West, following a hope for more than what they had or could envision for themselves where they were. What few pictures I have of these people I never met reveal great beauty and joy so poignantly real I can feel them with me, directing me to take my part in the adventure. The unknown didn't seem to phase them, which is a gift, like their faith, that they have passed down to me. My people are people of faith, courage and abundantly joyful creativity, an ancestry of which I am proud to share, a legacy I hope to embody with grace.

The heat of these last days spent in this place that has been my home for seven years also reminds me that I am not carrying out an Exodus journey of Biblical proportions. There will be no hot desert winds on my face or burning sand under my feet, no blazing sun relentlessly beating down on my head with each passing minute, hour or day. There is an address to which I am headed, unlike the Israelites, who would wander for forty years with only the hope of God's assurance that there would be a promised land.

There is progress in the journey. Years later Isaiah would go on to speak of a new Exodus for God's people, a journey to a new Eden-like place. "For you shall go out with joy, and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the briar shall come up the myrtle; and it shall be to the Lord for a memorial, for an everlasting sign which shall not be cut off (Isaiah 55: 12-13)." Sometimes what we can't see immediately is as important as what is within each task and step of the day. Within the tangible moments of living are housed the grace and mystery of God's purpose and promise. Herein lies our home, wherever we are.

Discount Kingdom

2007-08-10T02:26:00.000-07:00

his past holiday weekend, like every one on the calendar, provided endless opportunities to SAVE! SAVE! SAVE!. If Congress has legislated a postal holiday there is an equal and AMAZING BLOWOUT! or EXTRAVAGANZA! to spend money you would have otherwise been earning that day. Just in case you can't make the actual EXTREME SALES EVENT! you can take in a PRE-HOLIDAY or POST-HOLIDAY SALES EVENT! I believe I have actually seen the before/during/after television sales campaigns inadvertently converge late at night, creating a sort of time warp shopping wonderland in which people are always giddy with delight over FANTASTIC SAVINGS! I seriously wonder if, or why, anyone would pay full price for anything anymore.

But apparently there is a story, told long, long ago, from a time since past, about a soul who paid full price, and then some, for something so glorious that it could not be passed up. Matthew's gospel recounts Jesus' words in the Parable of the Pearl of Great Value. "The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls; on finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it (Matthew 13:45-46)."

Today's shoppers would call this man a fool. Why pay full price when waiting a few days, maybe a few weeks at the most, will net you the same product and keep more money in your pocket to spend elsewhere. Only a fool would pay full price, and only a bigger fool, or a crazy person, would pay more than full price. That's the problem if you let a merchant know how much you want something. They take you for all you are worth. Never let your guard down when you are trying to be a savvy shopper.

But our Biblical shopper was probably as savvy as they come because he was a merchant himself, someone who knew the ins and outs of smart bargaining and smarter purchasing for resale better than most. It's quite clear that he was on the hunt for fine peals because he knew what he was looking for and was eager to find them. He'd had success on his quests before and intended this venture to be equally successful. This merchant was no novice, but a seasoned professional striking out on a trip designed to continue building his business and his professional reputation.

Imagine his surprise then, upon discovering this one, magnificent pearl of great worth, an unexpected treasure-among-treasures right there before his eyes, but in another merchant's possession. What should he do? How should he proceed with the situation? He knows this pearl is meant for him, but he doesn't have enough money with which to purchase it. He must go home, gather all his resources and pray that no one else purchases the pearl before he can return. His one hope rests on the merchant holding his pearl (for he has now come to regard the pearl as his own) seeming oblivious to the value of the treasure he holds in his stock.

So our merchant travels home as fast as he can, counts his money, sells literally everything he owns to make up the difference and hurries back to his fellow merchant to retrieve his pearl. The other merchant feels he has made an incredible deal, selling a single pearl for an outrageously large sum, much more than he would have ever expected. He is quite surprised that his colleague was willing to pay so much, but he doesn't question the fellow's motive or integrity.

It is an interesting sort of twist, to realize that the search for the kingdom of heaven isn't about making the best business deal or appearing wise in its transaction. The kingdom of heaven isn't about putting our nose to the grindstone, living in the real world or taking advantage of whatever life offers us either. The kingdom of heaven appears more to be about discovering the mystery and wonder of God's presence among us , for us, when we bump into it on an ordinary day, even during a simple shopping trip.

We Gather Together

2007-08-10T02:25:00.000-07:00

Today marks the beginning of the Group of Eight, or G8 Summit, a meeting of leaders from the world's wealthiest industrialized nations to discuss global economic and development issues. Germany, led by Chancellor Angela Merkel, hosts France, the United Kingdom, Italy, Japan, the United States, Canada and Russia, the countries that make up the G8 membership. The agenda for these meetings is growth and responsibility in the global community, as well as on the African Continent. Chancellor Merkel has clearly stated her belief that we need all global players to make this happen, implying a commitment to carry on the moral agenda set forth by the 2005 G8 Summit in Gleneagles, Scotland.

Although these Summits are held annually, it was the historic agenda at Gleneagles that drew the world's attention. That gathering settled on the reality that in order to help Africa move forward and heal, we the wealthiest countries of the world would need to increase aid, forgive the debt Africa owes to us and remove trade barriers that hinder African exports. These broad-based goals centered on the intent of eradicating extreme poverty in our world in this generation. Quite remarkable is that in this point/click/delete world we have not lost hope for ourselves that this vision can be made real. In that there is immeasurable grace.

Having grown up through the 1960's and 70's believing that anything was possible, many of my generation have held onto our idealism through personal and societal struggles, long enough to see the cycles with which life blesses us. We have enough of ourselves in place to be comfortable with what we don't know, but are equally grounded in what we do know, and what it can mean to live into that knowledge for all it is worth. From such places comes care for our communities, our country, our world, our people, and faith at how education, healthcare and housing can begin to make lives whole. From such places comes wisdom that recognizes that these problems of AIDS and malaria, polluted water and inadequate sanitation, trade injustice and poverty, are not new or easily solvable, but they are indeed able to be addressed and steadily diminished over time. Perhaps because of our idealism, or maybe because we are uniquely positioned as a generation between World War II and the Iraq War, with a thick layer of Vietnam sandwiched in for good measure, we recognize that some things never change, but that many,many more can and do with an investment of will and compassion. We are fortunate materially, more so than generations which preceded us, and perhaps even those following us, but we are also blessed with an embodied hope that cannot be denied.

My own memory of this kind of hope had fallen a bit dim, unbeknownst to me until I opened an alumni update bulletin from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay a few days ago. While leafing through its glossy pages I happened upon the familiar face of Julie Brickley, my favorite professor who had passed on almost ten years ago. Two of her close friends and colleagues had established a scholarship in her honor. You see, although Julie was my favorite professor, she was cherished by the university community as a whole. She was the first woman to receive the UW-Green Bay Founders Award for teaching excellence, and she founded and chaired the Women's Studies program of which I was a part. "Julie believed passionately that language lived at the heart of learning in every discipline," said her colleague. " She brought its joy and beauty to her daily teaching." This woman who had inspired me to connect with my own heart and dreams, with my hope for the future, was inspiring me again.

Perhaps the G8 Summits will function in this way for our world this year and for all the years to come. The Summits are no longer just a small group of white men (and the occasional woman) meeting for a couple of days each summer, ruminating on the world's ills and delivering heady economic solutions for them. Now the G8 Summits will always be linked to the simple hope, the ready belief that we can eradicate extreme poverty in our world in this generation. Our generation. It will not happen overnight, but the process is already begun. We are doing it, one step at a time. The Biblical concept of hope is deeply rooted here, it is strong and it grows in us each day. And, indeed, we are assured that, "Hope does not disappoint us (Romans 5:5)."

Angels In Your Life

2007-08-10T01:05:00.000-07:00

If you've heard that angels are here to help you, improve and empower your life, then what you've heard is true. Angels are creations of God, the Divine Creator. They are loving, kind, gentle, wise and powerful. They are here to help and heal, to guide and support every one of us while we live our lives here on Earth. All they need is the request from you.

Angels follow a very important divine law, that of Free Will. The law of Free Will states that no being can interfere with. The law of Free Will means that the only way one being can help another, is after being asked to do so. The only way the angels can give you the help you desire, is after you have asked for their help. The only time this law is passed over is in the case of mortal danger, in which case the angels will interfere if it is not your time to die.

Another consideration the arises from the Free Will law, is that the angels will not respond to your request to interfere in another's free will. This means that if your request is to have someone fall in love with you, own something that belongs to another or take a job that is another's, it will not happen. You would do better to ask for the angels to bring to you your ideal true love and help you clear anything that stands in the way. You could also ask for the perfect job that meets your desires or something better - a wonderful proviso that allows the angels to improve upon your request to bring about something even more ideal.

So, how to engage the angels in your life. First, you call them to you. This is done by saying in your mind or out aloud, "Angels, I want to start working with you, please come to me now!". The instant you call them, they come to you whether you can feel them or not. You can then make your request.

When preparing your request make sure you are clear on what it is you want to bring about. Make certain that you know and feel you deserve it. If at some level you have doubts about your self worth or fear the outcome of the fruition of such a request, you can short circuit the process, and it won't work. If this so you will need to use affirmations and other tools to clear away any such negative issues. Wording for a request for a particular job, might be worded like this "I know that I am ready to move forward in my work to the next level. I call upon you, to bring to me the perfect job for me. The perfect job includes better pay, a great office with a wonderful view, greater responsibility in my area of expertise and wonderful people to work with! I ask you to create for me, this or something better!". Of course this wording is generalised, you can be more specific according to your needs.

The more you work with the angels, the more you will experience their power, love, generosity, willingness to help and guide.

About The Author

Angels in Different Cultures and Religions

2007-08-10T01:04:00.001-07:00

"Ever noticed how there seems to be angel sculptures or figurines in every home you go?

This is because many cultures in the world share the belief in the existence of this supernatural being.

In Judaism, angels, or malachim, serve as God’s messengers and “workers” here on Earth. It was for example, an angel who stopped Abraham just as he was about to kill his beloved son as a sacrifice to God. The angel Michael on the other hand, is viewed as the guardian and protector of the people of Israel.

With the roots of Christianity closely linked to Judaism, it comes as no surprise that Christians also hold angels in high-esteem. As in Judaism, angels also played great roles in many events viewed with great importance by Christians. It was the angel Gabriel who appeared to Mary and told her of how she was chosen by God to give birth to his son Jesus, who Christians believe is the savior of mankind. The Bible also recounts that Christ’s resurrection from the dead was announced by angels. Angels, Christians believe, are God’s link to man.

Angels also figure prominently in the Islam faith, one of their basic articles of faith being the “belief in angels”. Muslims believe that each person has four angels (which they call Malaa’ika, meaning, messengers) assigned to him who tallies his good and bad actions (two record the good while the other two take not of the bad). They also assign souls to newborns and are responsible for taking care of the environment.

One main difference between the Islamic and Christian/Jewish views on angels, is that for Muslims, it is not possible for angels to fall from grace, as they do cannot commit sin.

Hindus have their angels too. Called “devas”, these entities are responsible for natural elements like water, earth and fire. While angels are viewed as God’s workers in Christianity, Islam and Judaism and are not worshipped, the distinction between angels and the lesser gods are blurry.

Like these major religions, many minor belief systems also profess a belief in angels. Followers of Zoroastrianism (estimated at just around 200,000 worldwide), also believe that each one of us has a guardian angel—a Fravashi--- that protects and guides us.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints meanwhile, angels are heavenly beings in human form that help spread the work and word of God on earth. The church was established after an angel allegedly appeared to its founder Joseph Smith.

So why the ubiquity of these heavenly entities? Because the idea of angels—beings that guide us, protect us from harm and give us a more personal link to God—is comforting, reassuring and one that is thoroughly welcomed.

Go Ahead and Laugh...

2007-08-10T01:02:00.000-07:00

Go ahead and laugh that we cling to our religious faith and proudly display religious items throughout our home.

Go ahead and laugh when you say that we don't seem to live in the 'real' world because things aren't done that way anymore.

Go ahead and laugh as you say, yes it's good to be religious but my family seems fanatical and a little weird.

Go ahead and laugh as you say just how uncomfortable you are around us because you fear that you might slip up and cuss.

Go ahead and laugh at how strange it is that my wife and I would rather spend time together,instead of with others.

Go ahead and laugh as you declare just how 'lucky' we must have been to make it through the tough times and to avoid divorce.

Go ahead and laugh as you say how easy it is to loath my children because they always seem to do just the 'right thing'.

Go ahead and laugh that my children appear to be happy and they have happy friends-no gloom and doom or dark clouds overhead.

Go ahead and laugh when our children dress up not as demons but rather as Biblical characters for halloween.

Go ahead and laugh at the fact that we have a sacred area of our home that we call our prayer closet.

Go ahead and laugh as you come up with excuses for not having family devotions and prayers together every night.

Go ahead and laugh and say just how silly we look while dinning out, because we pause to say grace aloud and together.

Go ahead and laugh because we strive to have a sit-down, around the table, family meal at least four nights a week.

Go ahead and laugh because we believe that 'our way' provides the very comfort and security that children need and want.

Go ahead and laugh because we claim to have discovered the true secret to happiness,and it's called being a Christian.

Go ahead and laugh because being a Christian isn't about what we do or don't do but rather about what Jesus has done for us.

Go ahead and laugh we will still pray that you will want to join in with us someday soon.

Go ahead and laugh for we will worship the Lord our God; because in Him we have all and are in need of nothing.

Go ahead and laugh and say that you think that 'all this' is okay for my family, but it wouldn't work for your family.

Go ahead and laugh it's okay because we believe that someday soon you will wish for your family to be as ours.

Go ahead and laugh my friend, for laughter is all you may have.

Feel Good Naked - Natural Beauty Secrets

2007-08-10T01:01:00.001-07:00

How confident are you when it comes to being naked? Sadly, a lot of women agonise about their bodies and revealing all can be a traumatic experience. If you are looking for tips, tricks and beauty secrets to help you make the most of your natural beauty and feel good naked, you've come to the right place.

Number one of all the beauty secrets is this, if you want to feel good naked you must be happy in your own skin.

To help you achieve this, look after your skin to bring out its natural beauty. Exfoliate regularly to remove dead skin cells and give your circulation a boost, this will encourage new skin cells at the same time. Encouraging new skin cells will give your skin a younger, fresher look.

Always moisturise using a good moisturiser and pay special attention to dry areas such as elbows, knees and feet. Take your time and massage the moisturiser right into your skin. Massaging not only helps your circulation it also helps to smooth out bumps and wrinkles and will enhance your natural beauty. Olive oil, an old-fashioned beauty secret, will give your skin a luxurious look as well as making it soft and supple to touch. As the surface of your skin improves and you get to know your body better you will begin to feel good naked.

Remove unsightly hairs from your legs, under your arms and tidy up your bikini line, or go the whole hog and go for a Brazilian wax.

You probably already know that eating a balanced diet to maintain healthy skin from the inside will benefit your natural beauty. Oily fish and vegetables will do wonders for your nails, hair and teeth as well as providing fish oils and vitamins for your skin and is a beauty secret worth knowing.

Your hair is your crowning glory especially if you want to feel good naked, have it trimmed regularly and keep it clean, well conditioned and healthy.

A quick fix beauty secret to feel good naked is to decide which your best asset is and show it off to the best advantage. Stand naked in front of a tall mirror and take a good, long look at yourself.

Standing straight on is not always the best pose, experiment by turning slowly and watching how your contours change. Standing side on can be a lot more flattering and compliment your natural beauty. Stand up straight and lift your sternum (breastbone) arch your back slightly so that your bottom sticks out a little bit but not too much.

You can make yourself look slimmer by stretching your body into a bow shape and being careful not to stoop or scrunch yourself up. Or stand slightly side on to the mirror placing one leg in front of the other; this will give you a very sexy shapely outline indeed.

Or try lying on your stomach propped up by your elbows, this accentuates the curve of your back and the shape of your breasts and at the same time minimises your stomach.

The idea behind the above beauty secrets is to create an illusion, flatter your natural beauty and help you to feel good naked.

A good tip is to spend as much time as you can actually being naked, this will get you used to seeing yourself naked and the more you see yourself naked, the more being naked will feel natural to you.

Remember to stand up straight and stretch your body to make yourself look slimmer. It also helps if you master the art of walking by placing one foot in front of the other, as though you are walking a tight rope, and swing your legs from the hips. I've found this looks extremely elegant and it will do wonders for your confidence.

Another good beauty secret is to go for soft lighting, such as candles, tea lights or softly coloured light bulbs if you haven't got a dimmer switch, and make sure the lighting is behind you. This not only has a slimming effect - it will also help to soften your outline and give you a sexy glow.

A soft glow rather than harsh lighting will give your skin an even tone and minimise the appearance of any blemishes.

One of the best beauty secrets I know is taking regular exercise to help keep your body toned and supple, a thirty-minute walk three times a week will pay many benefits. Walk at a speed that gets your heart rate up, this will oxygenate your blood and improve your skin, as well as your muscles and heart. Don't walk so fast that you can't have a conversation at the same time.

A toned and balanced body is extremely beautiful and will make you look and feel good naked, and you don’t need an hourglass figure to achieve this. Add quality to your movements with muscles that are long and toned and you will appear more balanced and beautiful.

Finally, the best way to feel good naked is to have confidence in yourself. If you don't feel it, fake it until you do. Get to know your own body and accept yourself for who you are and how you look.

We are all individuals and there are no set rules for everyone. Watch other women and notice how they move, what looks good and what doesn't. You can learn a lot by watching others.

Someone who is happy in her own skin and behaves in a confident manner is extremely attractive and sexy, regardless of her body shape.

How you feel about yourself is what really counts because this will show in your eyes and natural beauty will radiate from you.

Relax and enjoy yourself - love the way you look - if you do then others will too.

The Dos, Don'ts, and Common Mistakes of Dating Online

2007-08-10T00:57:00.000-07:00

Now that you're about to enter into the foray that is online dating, what are the key things that everyone needs to know? What are the dos, don'ts, and common errors of many fist time online daters? Read on for a few ideas about how to take your first steps into the exciting world of dating online.

To start out with, pick an online dating service that is right for you. The good news is that there are a lot of free sites for dating online these days, so there are plenty of options for you to choose from, without having to worry about paying for multiple memberships. Select a service that looks like there are members who might interest you (but beware that not all the profiles used to tempt you to sign up are real!), and a site that looks like it will suit your online dating goals.

Next, it's time to make your profile. The importance of your profile cannot be stressed enough. This will be your introduction to the rest of the members on whichever dating service you sign up for. Lots of first time online daters are wary about posting pictures. If you're uncomfortable with it, you can wait, but remember to post a picture eventually (this will multiply the number of response you'll get). Also, keep your profile light and friendly and be honest with everything you write in your profile. If you embellish or lie (unless its obvious that you're joking), the truth will come out eventually if you meet someone special, so it's better to be truthful from the get-go. Even though your profile is important, don't take it too seriously. Remember that above all, you're here to have fun and hopefully that sentiment will come across to other people. Also, remember to be honest with people you're messaging back and forth with. There's nothing worse than thinking that you're getting to know someone, then meeting then and realizing that they misrepresented themselves. Try to make everyone's experience when dating online, whether yours or others, positive.

The Connection Between Fitness and Singles

2007-08-10T00:56:00.001-07:00

What's the connection between dating and singles? It seems like gyms are often popular places to meet people, and fitness singles sites are cropping up to satisfy the needs and wants of online daters looking for partners to workout with and romance at the same time. Is there a significant connection between the fitness industry and single life?

One possible explanation for the connections made between fellow gym-goers is the desire to find like minded people who enjoy active lifestyles and staying in shape. Certainly, a part of this is a greater appreciation in general for people who are physically fit. While this is a broad generalization, it may be safe to assume that most people who want to keep themselves in shape also want that from their partner. For this reason, gyms attract like minded people, with similar lifestyles. Also, as has been proven by several psychological studies, similarity and proximity increase the likelihood of attraction. Therefore, if two people run into each other on a regular basis, and see each other participating in activities they both enjoy, the chances of meeting and making a connection are more likely.

Another psychological explanation may come from biological and neurological studies. Chemicals released into the brain during exercise are often associated with feelings of euphoria. These feelings are commonly seen as responsible for a 'runners high' that many consistent exercisers experience. As these feelings of euphoria are experienced, people are conditioned to associate those positive feelings with other stimulus that surround them. Like Pavlov's Classically conditioned dogs, a person who see something (like another attractive person) while experiencing a positive emotion (a runners high) begin associating these two things together. Eventually, people begin attributing their positive feelings to that person (he/she makes me feel good). As a result, many singles who are heavily into the fitness lifestyle, and regularly visit the gym, may begin to pair their positive feelings with other fit singles they see at their gym.

While these explanations may only be a part of the reason why singles and fitness are frequently paired together, ultimately, there is some sort of connection between the two. Whether these stem from psychological reasons or the desire to seek out other physically attractive or fit people, fitness and singles are frequently paired, and with good reason.

Engagement Ring: Love Is Meant To Be Shared

2007-08-10T00:54:00.000-07:00

In everybody’s life, getting engaged is one of most fruitful experiences that give intense joy, excitement, hope, and satisfaction. At such moments, promoting your engagement in creative and unique way may infuse your journey of life with great joviality, surprise, compassion, and realistic expectations. So, work with your own creative process that can make your engagement ceremony unforgettable. And the best thing that creates such magic is your engagement ring because it has so much more character and influences that other engagement accessories might not have.

It’s also believed that an engagement ring symbolizes an unbroken cycle and strengthens love and relationship. So it is vital to select engagement ring that best suits your lovely lady and make her ecstatic. By all accounts, the best way to buy her an engagement ring she'll love is to let her pick it out herself. But, you still want to go it alone to surprise her with a ring she’ll love, be sure to do some inspection about what jewelry she likes to wear. Watch her for a couple of weeks and take mental notes to size up her style. The bottom line is that choose engagement ring that she will wear this every day. It must feel good on her finger and it must suit her lifestyle. Besides that, if you want to add some extra sparkle and magic to your engagement ceremony then a graphic imagery, a soft romantic coverlet, earthy waves, or stars can be a better option.

Now there are lots of choices in engagement rings that can satisfy her wishes like diamond engagement ring, pearl studded ring and gold or platinum rings. Among all these, diamond ring is unquestionably more favored by people due to its unique physical properties and look. Diamond ring can be made of gold, silver or platinum. Hence you have enough choices to persuade and satisfy your would-be-bride. Women always like the luxurious gift and the engagement is a memorable event nobody wants to forget it. So make your day extra special with a special engagement ring that describes how much you love her as well as make her feel how romantic and sentimental you are.

To end with, the best place to select your engagement ring is no other than online jewelry stores. You can easily surf through different jewelry web sites that offer wide range of engagement rings at affordable prices. So don’t waste your precious time on brick-and-mortar shop during your engagement. You know sometimes it can take huge time trying on many shapes and setting styles to determine which engagement ring is truly best for you.

Why Do You Want to "Communicate" With Your Partner?

2007-08-10T00:53:00.000-07:00

When partners are having problems, they often say that the problem is communication. What exactly does this mean? What are they trying to communicate?

There are various reasons for communicating:

1. Sometimes we communicate to offer information about ourselves, such as, "I'm going out for a walk," or "The dinner reservations are for 7:00."

2. Sometimes we communicate to ask for help with tasks, such as, "I need to move the couch to clean under it and I can't lift it. Would you help me?"

3. Sometimes we communicate to learn something about the other person, such as "Please help me to understand why you are feeling upset with me. I care about you and I really want to understand."

4. Sometimes we communicate to ask for help regarding ourselves, such as, "I’m feeling very anxious and I don't know why. Would you talk with me for awhile? Maybe if I talk about it I will understand it."

For the most part, these forms of communication do not cause problems, unless there is an ulterior motive. An ulterior occurs when the intention of the communication is to have some control over the other person. When the intent of the above communications is to offer information, ask for help, or to learn, then there will likely not be problems. But these same communications can be spoken with an intent to control. The intent to control will be communicated through a harsh or judgmental tone of voice and through a hard, closed energy.

For example, "I'm going from a walk!" said with anger, has behind it an intent to control the other person through punishment. The real communication is "You have behaved in a way that is unacceptable to me so I am punishing you by withdrawing from you." "The dinner reservations are for 7:00," can be said in a tone that says, "…and you better be there."

Asking for help in moving the couch can be either a request or a demand, depending upon the intent. A request can be answered, "Sorry, I'm really busy right now. I will help you later," without repercussions. When the same thing is said as a demand, the other person is not allowed to say no without negative consequences.

You can ask someone why he or she is upset with you from a true desire to learn, or from an intent to control. When your intent is to control, you will likely argue with whatever the person says, trying to talk him or her out of the upset.

When you are upset, you can ask for help because you really do want to learn and take responsibility for your feelings, or because you want the other person to fix you, to take care of you, to rescue you. People often want to communicate their feelings to get the other person to change, rather than to learn and take responsibility for their feelings.

Problems with communication will always occur when the intent is to control. So when clients of mine say, "We can't communicate," I immediately know that one or both of them are coming from an intent to control in their communications. They are intent on trying to get the other person to change.

The intent to control often creates power struggles in relationships. While most people certainly want to be in control, they do not want to be controlled. So when one person is coming from the intent to control, the other person may respond with resistance. Power struggles result when one person behaves in a controlling way and the other person resists being controlled.

When one person is intent on controlling and the other gives in to keep the peace, it may seem like the relationship is working. However, the compliant person is often covertly angry and may resist in an other area, such as sexually. When you give yourself up to avoid conflict, you generally resent the person you give yourself up to, which doesn't create the emotional intimacy necessary to feel sexually intimate.

Next time you want to communicate with your partner, ask yourself, "Why do I want to communicate?" If you discover that you are wanting to get the other person to change, consider doing your own inner work instead - deciding how to take care of yourself instead of trying to get your partner to change. You might discover that you get a far better result!

Keeping Romance Alive In A Relationship

2007-08-10T00:52:00.000-07:00

That men are from Mars and women from Venus is a fact established by studies conducted on romance and relationship. The difference between what a man is and what a woman expects him to be is too vast to bridge.

However, a solid relationship requires acceptance of the partner with all his/her follies. The initial tender thoughts and trust in each other slowly lead to stronger passionate feelings. For romance and relationship to bloom, it is imperative to have self-respect as well as respect for each other. Being true to each other, honesty in every aspect of life and above all, effective communication between the two of you, will lay a strong foundation for your relationship.

The soft romantic feelings blossom into intense emotions and ultimately cross the realm of a mere need for each other to seek a better life together in the future. A commitment leads to greater responsibilities for one’s actions. At the same time, such people lead a happier, healthier and more satisfied life with a partner by the side to share the good times and show support through tough times.

Any relationship will have its fair share of arguments especially if there are two strong-headed persons with opposing views on issues. However, the manner of arguing will determine to a large extent the damage done to the relationship.

Be careful not to be contemptuous of your partner, hold a grudge or withdraw into a shell. Arguments should be healthy with some humour sprinkled to break the tension. Criticizing the action and not the person is seen in better perspective. Even if you do not agree with your partner, acknowledge that he is entitled to his own views and opinions. Most important, don’t break off communication between the two of you.

Romance and relationship can be nurtured with care for each other’s feelings, warm love and trust.

Romantic Idea As A Gateway To Bliss

2007-08-10T00:51:00.000-07:00

Food and romance:

There is a close bond between food and romance, which is why a candle-lit dinner with a sweetheart is much sought after.

A food related gift is also a good idea.

For the more enterprising ones, a plate engraved with a love message can be used to serve food either at home or you can ask a waiter to do so at a restaurant.

You can wrap a little surprise gift for your partner and keep it in his/her favourite food box.

Surprise your sweetheart with a delicious meal delivered from a restaurant right to her door.

You may even cook up a meal and serve it with roses and love poems to set the mood for romance and finally seal it with a kiss.

So, let your imagination run wild and cook up new ideas to tingle the taste buds and at the same time tug at the heartstrings.

Some of your romantic ideas could focus on celebrating special occasions together in a way so as to give romance a big boost. You may either share an intimate evening together or go out on a romantic date.

The basic tenet of romantic ideas is to strengthen the bond between two people. The love and passion felt for each other must be enhanced through these. That the idea is simple or elaborate is irrelevant because it is feelings and emotions that rule the heart. Pour your heart into the idea that you have thought of, giving adequate attention to the likes and desires of your partner and see your love life flower like a thousand blooms.

Enhanced Houston Dating

2007-08-10T00:50:00.002-07:00

There are a number of ways to enhance your Houston dating experience, and chief among these is to fight your urge to resort to the “dinner and a movie” standby date. Many of us fall into this trap because its simple, relatively affordable, and, best of all, it requires little to no forethought.

But anyone, anywhere, can do that. Singles in Houston have a wide range of entertainment, culture, and other venues to enjoy, so why waste your Houston dating life bogged down in the mundane?

So the first step in enhancing your Houston dating is getting to know your city. Find out when the sporting events are happening, where the historical locations are, or what other local attractions might provide an entertaining evening. There's always something new and unique to experience in Houston.

The next step is the more important one. Finding the right person to share in your Houston dating excursion. With the right person – someone who shares your goals, interests, and level of commitment – the most simple of activities can become memorable and meaningful experiences.

So how do you find that person? There are a number of ways, but lately online dating services have become a major source for finding your “soul mate” or “someone special”. In the early days, online dating was derided as the last resort for the “socially incapable”. But since technology has increased and the concept has gone mainstream, online dating has surpassed many of the traditional venues for singles to meet.

Some sites even offer you a way to get to know your potential matches before you even meet. The infamous personality test. If they're done right, this can be a powerful way to enhance your Houston dating life. What does that mean? It means that a computer can't tell you who to be attracted to, or who to fall in love with. It can, however, give you a perspective on whether or not it would be a good idea. Taking advantage of tools like these can help make your Houston dating more fun, romantic, and memorable.

Consider: how much time have you spent with people that turned out to be a poor match? How many times did it take you more than four or five dates to learn that you weren't as compatible as you originally though? These online personality profiles can help you avoid these mistakes and enhance your dating experience by helping you find the right people.

Just remember: this won't work when the online dating services doesn't give you the freedom to choose. Sites that send matches with the promise like: “This person is good for you. Trust me.” are a lot like overbearing parents who want to make sure you date the kind of person they like, which might be completely outside of your own preferences.

Once you've found the right people, and the best activities, you're ready to get on and experience Houston and all that it has to offer. Houston singles have an incredible array of possibilities to choose from, and with a little bit of forethought, planning, and research, you're time spent with other singles can be made into something specia

A Token of Love and Thanks

2007-08-10T00:50:00.001-07:00

A small favor for your guests to take home is not required but is a lovely gesture. What you choose to bestow is not as important as that it was given and presented with thoughtful care. Favors are a simple way to thank guests for sharing your special day with you and are sweet reminders of the celebration.

Many brides choose to give favors at a wedding luncheon or formal wedding dinner, where the guest list is a more intimate gathering of family and close friends. This allows you to put more time and money into meaningful keepsakes than if you tried to give a favor to every guest at a larger scale wedding reception. However, some brides opt to send home small favors with everyone who attends their reception.

Remember that with these tokens, what's on the outside is just as important as what's on the inside. Presentation is everything! Use ribbons, wrapping, boxes, bows, and bags to the best advantage. A wedding favor is another way to restate your wedding theme, so think of gifts that fit the style or mood of your wedding and wrap them in colors and ribbons that match the day.

The possibilities for wedding favors are endless. Wedding favors can be as elaborate or as simple as you choose. For the most formal occasion you might consider an engraved silver bell or personalized chocolate, while a bunch of cinnamon sticks tied with raffia would be perfect for a country affair.

Other ideas for wedding favors include the ever-romantic candle - a votive candle for each guest, or several long, thin tapered candles tied together with ribbon. A picture frame that matches your wedding theme would be perfect for the guests to take home to frame a picture from the wedding day. Edible favors are always a favorite!

Confetti to throw at the departing couple is a favorite tradition, and confetti of many kinds can be packaged as a wedding favor. Birdseed can be placed in small sachet bags and the contents tossed at the couple at the end of the evening. Sweet-smelling rose petals matching the colors of the wedding, boxed to perfection and tied with beautiful ribbon, make a lovely token of remembrance.

Other brides provide each guest with a bottle of blowing bubbles. A sky full of floating bubbles can make a fairytale-like escape for the couple as they leave the reception. For a summer night departure, or after-dark winter sendoff, have guests light sparklers and stand in a row, lighting the path to the couple's car with magical firelight.

Favors can be distributed in different ways. You can set the small gifts at each place setting at a luncheon or dinner. In this case, they can double as place cards or dress up a table setting. Alternatively, you can carefully bundle or prettily pile together on a table at a convenient location for guests to take one on their way home.

The presentation of favors is one of the most memorable and gracious gestures at a wedding. Give unique and thoughtful gifts that create special memories of your special day.

About The Author

The Family Love Teacher Empowers Singles Not to Rely on Their Memory Alone

2007-08-10T00:49:00.002-07:00

Singles today have a new decision-making tool that can help them to make the right decisions the first time. This new step-by-step tool gives the single person instant feedback, and helps them to prevent a mismatch. Singles now do not need to rely on their memory alone, or waste time loving and marrying the wrong person, and then divorcing later.

The Family Love Teacher is very disturbed with the heartlessness in today’s domestic violence cases. He is therefore dedicating July and August 2007 to help the smart Singles who wish to learn how to make the right decisions the first time. He says he does not want to see any one else repeating these painful marital mistakes.

He says that there is simply too much information to process during the dating phase. He says that just as one cannot accurately remember all their income and expenditures in their head without a register, it is equally difficult to choose a husband or wife without a decision-making tool revealing to them the great opportunities and hidden risks involved in the process. With or without a prenup, the Family Love Teacher says that relying on the memory alone and choosing a lover basing on a 50/50 guess with a plan to divorce is not a smart strategy.

The Family Love Teacher is now appealing to all the Singles to learn this missing wisdom for dating and relationship success. He wants every Single to shorten their learning curve. For the Singles who sincerely want to make the right decisions the first time, he wants them to learn the following:

1. The existence of a clear path that leads to a successful and lasting marriage.

2. How to use a new decision-making tool, the “10-Step Smart Lover’s Model” that empowers the Singles to foresee their marital future. This new step-by-step tool gives the Singles instant feedback, and helps them to prevent a mismatch with an impostor who is going to pretend, divorce, and later ruin their quality of love life. This dating tool helps the Singles to avoid costly marital mistakes.

3. How to use the “Smart Lover’s Exit Strategy Flow Chart” as an additional tool that helps the Singles to foresee and manage the risks and uncertainties in choosing their lifetime love. This dating tool helps them to avoid the pitfalls in relationship building.

4. How marriage is all predictable. The Family Love Teacher shares the results of this 4-year study to expand their mind with life-enriching knowledge they will use their whole life long.

5. The indispensable dating knowledge, timeless principles, and life’s instructions he says that one can not get along without, if their goal is to build a rich and fulfilling love relationship.

The Family Love Teacher insists that this is the critical knowledge that spells the difference between a successful love relationship and a failed one. For the Singles who are seriously interested in taking the guesswork out of dating, he has put the answers they need on a new audio book titled, “How to Choose Your True Lifetime Lover”. It is free to listen to Track 1 and Track 2 of this audio book at http://blog.bestlovingskills.com

Priced at $15, this audio book is now available in bookstores. The E-book and audio book versions can be downloaded at, http://www.skillfuldating.com/, or ordered at http://www.abebooks.com.

This exceptional Family Love Teacher teaches only about Lifetime Love, i.e., how to know it, how to find it, and how to keep it successfully. His name is Alex Mugume, and is the author of, 10 Steps to Success in Love and Marriage, Self-help Secrets for the Smart Lover, How to Choose Your True Lifetime Lover, and Success Mindsets for the Winning Couple. More info is at, http://blog.bestlovingskills.com/.

Gossiping & Apple Pie

2007-08-10T00:49:00.001-07:00

"I resolve to speak ill of no man whatever, not even in a matter of truth; but rather by some means excuse the faults I hear charged upon others, and upon proper occasions speak all the good I know of everybody." -- Benjamin Franklin

Do you really believe that Franklin didn't get into a little gossiping now and then? Well, he actually only resolved to stick to the high road. He didn't promise to do it. That's just as well, since he didn't have much trust in anyone. For example, he said, "If you would keep your secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend;" and "Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead." It's little wonder that he liked to play it close to the vest when it came to other people. Speaking ill of no man, excusing faults, and speaking all the good he knew was a very clever way to avoid becoming the focus of others' gossip. Franklin may have picked up the strategy from Virgil who said, "Fama, malum quo non aliud velocius ullum, mobilitate viget, viresque acquirit eundo." If you are a tad rusty with your Latin, that means, "Report, that which no evil thing of any kind is more swift, increases with travel and gains strength by its progress."

With authorities the like of Virgil and Franklin admonishing you not to gossip, it's in your interest to know as much as you can about gossiping and gossips. For instance, Walter Winchell clarified one of the gossip's core strategies when he said, "Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid." The super stars pursue their art through inference and innuendo, not facts or plain talk. Bertrand Russell added his two cents worth with, "No one gossips about other people's secret virtues." When it comes to gossiping, if you don't have something good to say, it's your turn.

Of course, Virgil and Franklin aren't the only high road folks who advised against gossiping. Edward Wallis Hoch said, "There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it hardly becomes any of us to talk about the rest of us." If that weren't the final word on it, a Jewish proverb says, "What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth." No, that's still not the end of the unsolicited advice. A Chinese proverb says, "What is told in the ear of a man is often heard 100 miles away;" and a Spanish proverb says, "Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you." All of the high road wisdom not withstanding, don't forget what Wendell Phillips knew to be true, "The Puritan's idea of hell is a place where everybody has to mind his own business."

An Apple Pie From Scratch

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -- Carl Sagan

Now there is a humbling thought. It does tend to put a damper on one's ego quotient, doesn't it? Invention and creation are far less original than they are typically represented as being. Alexander Graham Bell certainly understood this, "Great discoveries and improvements invariably involve the cooperation of many minds. I may be given credit for having blazed the trail but when I look at the subsequent developments I feel the credit is due to others rather than to myself." Henry Ford got it too, "I invented nothing new. I simply combined the inventions of others into a car."

Ralph Waldo Emerson explained how invention and creation actually work, "Only an inventor knows how to borrow, and every man is or should be an inventor." The essence of the principle was captured by Auguste Rodin, "I invent nothing. I rediscover;" and what may rank as the first corollary was suggested by Jonathan Swift, "Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody else has thought." The converse of Swift's corollary was offered by the famous Anon., "Don't expect anything original from an echo."

The take home point is that inventions, creations, and discoveries aren't themselves unique or original. They are merely the objects or outcomes. Creation is in thinking what nobody else has thought.

Robertson Davies said, "Although there may be nothing new under the sun, what is old is new to us and so rich and astonishing that we never tire of it. If we do tire of it, if we lose our curiosity, we have lost something of infinite value, because to a high degree it is curiosity that gives meaning and savor to life." Curiosity ignites imagination; and imagination in turn fuels the fire of creation. What then is this fire, this imagination? Peter Nivio Zarlenga's words hold the answer, "I am imagination. I can see what the eyes cannot see. I can hear what the ears cannot hear. I can feel what the heart cannot feel." Dr. Seuss' advice is a fitting, concluding message for all who create, from universes to apple pies. "Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!"

You may now be asking what Gossiping & Apple Pie have to do with each other. Actually, I doubt that they have anything to do with each other; but perhaps you will see a connection, if only you Think left and think right and think low and think high. It's merely your opportunity to pursue.

Cheaters: Men Cheaters and the Women They Cheat With

2007-08-10T00:47:00.002-07:00

Men cheat women due to several reasons. Sometimes they do so because they have the opportunity. Cheating is typically done by three types of men: those with low self esteem, those who are unhappy at home and those who are afraid of commitment and are seeking 'fun love'. According to the statistics on cheating spouses, 50 to 70% of married men (between 38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives. One recent study found that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had no idea their husbands were having an affair - largely because they failed to recognize their cheating signs.

Married men, particularly those in long term relationships, cheat mainly because they believe that having a short-term affair will resolve any problems temporarily they have at home and prevent them from 'hurting' anyone long term. The actual fact that their partner is already being hurt by their lack of attention and affection - and being prevented from finding love too - does not comes into the picture. There are three problems to this approach. First, it stops the major conflicts in the relationship being explored, acknowledged, and addressed. Second, it makes the situation worse because any contact only proves starkly what is already missing at home, especially sexually. Thirdly, it deliberately ignores the fact that the man is taking his affections elsewhere which begs the question: How does giving one's self to someone else shows love and affection for the person left at home and, accord her due respect for her love and support?

Men who cheat women by keeping relationships stray through a conflict of perception. What their women perceive that men want from them may not be necessarily what those men actually desire, and women seldom seek to find out because they are afraid of the answers! So after the honeymoon period is over, when their desires have not been fulfilled, spouses soon seek it elsewhere. In the meantime the women who are affected turn on the men and blame them for their 'bad' behavior instead of looking into themselves to see where they have missed a connection and, at worse, getting out of their demoralizing situation. It is always easier to verify others because it stops us looking at ourselves, but women aren't tied to philandering men. One very lucid example of a man cheating would be if a man were to regularly take one particular coworker out to lunch or dinner meetings. In most of the cases, it would be safe to assume that she offers him more than just a discussion about work. She is also probably providing him with emotional companionship, giving him an opportunity to share his thoughts and feelings.

Men who are cheating emotionally often begin to question whether or not they should be seeing that one particular woman as much as they are now. They know deep down inside really well that she means more to them than just a regular female friend would and thus feel a degree of guilt for seeing her.One in five married women has had a fling in the past, the highest numbers ever recorded, according to one group of researchers. In fact, the numbers of cheating wives has now equalled the statistics on cheating husbands. For more information check out this link.Society has given women the permission to be sexually active, and it is perfectly clear why women do it, it is for the same reasons men do. They are not getting what they want out of their marriage.The workplace, working out, the Internet, women now have more sexual opportunities than ever before. With better salaries and no children, the stakes seem to be low even if they are caught.

Celebrity Example

When we talk about cheating women, the famous personality, which comes into picture, is Mr Hugh Grant, who is a popular star of Hollywood during the 90's. His popularity also stood with a series of accusation he has been involved with. While dating with Hurley, he was arrested in Hollywood for indecent conduct with a prostitute, Divine Brown, in a public place. But sooner he has given an apology for this on the Tonight Show with Jay Leon. Then afterwards, again he began dating a socialite and Unicef ambassador Jemima Khan, ex-wife of Imr

Online Adult Dating Guide

2007-08-10T00:47:00.001-07:00

So, is it really possible to find a soul mate online through a dating service. Speaking from my own personal experience, yes it is! If you are ready to look for love online, you are most certainly not alone. There are currently millions of singles all over the world using the power of the world wide web to meet other single people.

Online dating services have changed dramatically over the years. Todays online dating services provide opportunities for people of all ages, religion, ethnic groups and geographic locations.

The problem that most singles face is not having access to other singles, and this was certainly the case for me, so many of my friends were already in happy relationships it was hard for me to meet single people. Of course I was sceptical at first, as there was still some stigma attached to online dating, however I believe that it has become more and more normal over the past year or so. For this reason, online dating is a phenomenal solution that provides access to people efficiently, conveniently and affordably.

With todays technology, you have the options to ensure your dating experience is fun and successful. If you are considering taking your first step into the world of online dating, the following tips will help you to get started.

1. Arrange to meet your date in a public place where there are plenty of other people around. Don't allow your date to pick you up from your home, at this point you shouldn't have disclosed your address anyway.

2. It's always respectful for the man to offer to pay the bill. However, it may not be a bad idea to go halves, that way your date won't expect anything in return.

3. The biggest obstacle to a person's judgement when on a date, is alcohol. Not only does it affect your judgement, but alcohol also lessens your inhibitions. It is better to either just stick to one glass or try and avoid alcohol completely on your first date.

4. Never assume that your date is safe. It's important to never let your guard down on a first date. Always tell friends or family where you are meeting your date, and arrange to ring someone when you are home safe.

5. Go with your gut instincts. If something doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. Make your excuses and leave. Also, don't sleep with someone on at least the first three dates.

6. If you are going to exchange numbers at the end of the date, then give him your mobile number and not your home land line number.

7. No matter how much fun you may be having on your first date, always remain alert and remember to have your mobile phone with you, just in case.

8. Dating safely is very important. Remember that in the early stages of dating you are still getting to know someone that you probably know very little about. By creating a safe enviroment, you're creating a better situation for yourself.

What You Ought To Know Before Getting Married?

2007-08-10T00:46:00.002-07:00

It's the same story with the same fairy tale ending. Boy meets girl. Love. Kisses. Miss made Mrs. And everyone assumes that they'll live happily ever after. But do they? If you don't want your marriage to go wrong you should understand that contrary to popular belief, nothing goes right in marriage unless you are mentally prepared for life together. Pointers to help you.

Don't waver between, "Should I?" or "Should I not?"

Entering into anything half-heartedly can end in disaster. If marriage is not what you want, do not be forced or cajoled into it. Being single has its own charm - the freedom it gives one is a wonderful lure. If marriage is something you do want, be sure that you feel drawn to your partner-to-be. Do not be pressurised into accepting someone you don't have a liking for.

Avoid acting in a manner which says, "I'm easily available".

Flirtatious behaviour and ways which clearly show that you are an easy catch do not add to your worth. It may tempt boys to have some fun with you but it will send you hurtling down in their estimation. The shy hard-to-get miss has far more appeal.

Be wary of Internet romance.

It starts as a bit of fun and ends with all fun drained out of your life. In cyberspace one is anonymous and nobody knows what the real truth is. So, don't be dazzled with the novelty and charm of it, but look before you leap into cyberspace.

Talk over those cherished dreams of yours with your partner-to-be.

The girl's right to a home of her own, to take up a job and related matters do not figure in marriage discussions among elders. It is for her, therefore, to tactfully find out her partner's stand on matters that are important to her.

Fiona's was an arranged match and, when George told her they'd be staying with his mother, she spoke out her mind saying, "But I need my own space. If you can't give it to me, this marriage will be no fun and I'd rather opt out of it." They talked this over with his mother and came up with a solution acceptable to both. With prickly matters like these agreed upon beforehand, the marriage stands to gain.

Seek knowledge, for it is a safe guide while ignorance can misguide.

A girl needs to be mentally prepared to take up her new role as wife, daughter-in-law and mother, but sad to say, she often is not. There are matters - personal, health-related and sexual - that the couple, especially the girl, would like advice on. But parents treat these matters as taboo. In that case, the couple should seek information from books and on-line material or go for counselling. Sound knowledge is the basis of a sound marriage.

Being prudish and refraining from talking about intimate concerns can hurt a marriage.

Certain questions like when to start a family and how big it should be, did not arise in the past but are inevitable now as present-day couples are driven by personal ambitions and pressures of work.

Being very specific about such matters can take a load off the mind.

Newly-wed Wendy was deeply distressed and when pressed for the reason, told her husband about her fear that kids may stand in the way of her higher studies. On being reassured that they'd think of children only after she had fulfilled all her ambitions, she was relieved. Such assurances are important, for thwarted desires can give rise to negative feelings in a marriage.

Your appearance and looks can send your man's heart racing.

So, be graceful and dress decently. Look attractive and smart and, above all, maintain a trim figure even after marriage. Every man likes to show off his wife but a dowdy and badly-dressed woman is someone he'll cringe from. Dressing revealingly, however, is a big no-no. Though men enjoy seeing skimpily dressed women, they don't want their wives to dare and bare.

Remember the age-old saying "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach".

It was grandma's approach route. It has been tried out for years and has vintage flavour. Why not make it yours by learning to be a good cook?

A happy home can bind hearts together.

So, master the art of good housekeeping and make your home invitingly bright and warm. "I hate to go home because mine is a filthy place run by a scowling wife," complains a husband as he walks away in disgust.

That should remind you that winning or losing a battle on the home front depends largely on how bright your home is and how vivacious you are.

Courtship time need not be all romance and moonshine but can be reality-check time.

It can be an opportunity for the couple to learn about each other's strengths and weaknesses, loves and hates and anything else of importance. This will not only prepare them to adjust to each other's ways but will also enable them to use their own strong points to offset the weak ones of the other and vice versa.

Seeing her fiance spending lavishly on her, Karen knew that he was a spendthrift and pointed out that this could be a hurdle in their marriage. "I'm frugal," she told him," and am adept at saving. So, let me handle the household finances after marriage while you do something you are good at, like choosing the gadgets and seeing to their upkeep." Since it was courtship time, he readily agreed. As feelings are warm during this period, agreements are not hard to reach and small arrangements like this can help marriage click in a big way.

Know that lovers' bliss has to end some day.

When this happens, flaws are detected, irritation surfaces and anger erupts. Every couple needs to be prepared to handle this stage and to do this, they must be well apprised of certain time-tested ways of interaction that can be helpful. Here are some:

Cultivate the I-for-you and you-for-me attitude from the very start.

Marriage is neither dominance nor servitude but a partnership. So, partners should learn to forget the egoistic 'I' for the self-effacing 'we', in their relationship. Jane hated to forego her early morning sleep and her husband came to her aid by finishing off all the early chores. This pleased her so much that she readily overlooked the way he threw about his things untidily, and tidied up for him. Such a give-and-take attitude can lessen friction in marriage.

Learn to handle your partner's ego with care.

Marital relations deteriorate when egos are hurt. Egos need to be cherished with appreciation rather than be crushed by constant fault-finding. During courtship, appreciation is unstinted and everything is rosy. Couples should remember this and they should be firmly committed to putting into marriage what made life so great for them before.

Let's face facts. "My wife is a great cook and the dishes she cooks are always great!" brags Dennis to his friends - but he never tells her' so. "My husband has a nasty temper but is very helpful around the house," admits wife to everyone else except her husband.

This failure to give due credit to each other builds up resentment in both. Each day offers so many opportunities to every couple to say heart-warming words to each other. If you say them as you readily, did during your courtship, much that goes wrong in marriage can be set right.

This is because appreciation is a great mood-enhancer and a healer of emotional hurts. It can be the vitamin A that keeps your marriage in good health.

Add spice to your married life with some romantic moments.

When two heads come together with antagonism they will soon be at loggerheads, but romance has that magical ability to drive away unkind feelings from the mind. A few quiet moments together, a short walk in the moonlight, a soft touch, a lingering caress, a silent locking of the eyes, sweet nothings whispered into eager ears, do not take time but they make you forget hurts and keep hearts locked in love's embrace. So, give this magic of love a chance to keep things straight.

Learn to fight the right way.

Fighting is an inbuilt danger to marriage but it need not be an evil that destroys it. I once heard a lawyer and his wife fighting so violently that they could be heard all over the place. Minutes later, they were walking arm in arm to their car. That's how fights should be: just a release for pent-up feelings and forgotten in a flash.

Not dragging yesterday's faults of omission and commission into today's quarrel is important, for that would be nagging which really hurts and wounds. Nobody wants to lose an argument, so a little give and take or meeting your partner half-way is a great idea.

Marriage, as all will agree, is a 24 X 7 commitment, highly taxing and very demanding with no holidays allowed and no breaks permitted. Such a trying relationship will not flourish on its own.

Strange to say, so much time, attention and money are spent on the wedding, which is a one-day affair, while no thought is given to preparing the couple for marriage, which is an exacting life-long involvement.

With a little prior guidance and direction, a couple can be emotionally prepared and mentally conditioned to adjust and attuned to each other's needs in living together. When that is done, much that can go wrong in a marriage begins to go right.

Plan Your Romantic Wedding That Everyone Will Remember

2007-08-10T00:46:00.001-07:00

Your wedding day should be the happiest day of your life but it does not just happen by itself. If it is to be the special romantic day to live in your memories for the rest of your life you need to make sure every detail of every point is covered even if you think at times the romantic element of the wedding day is lost. However if the planning of your wedding is right as the big day draws near you will start seeing all the wedding plans come together at the right time. You will find our planning a wedding tips in the romantic weddings section of BeRomantic.com will make it as simple yet as exciting as possible.

Let's start with the least romantic aspect of the wedding. What will the wedding cost and who will pay for it? In some cultures it is traditional for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding and reception but it is also common for both families to share the total cost. You will initially need to establish the total budget you have to play with by meeting with both sides and get some indication of what monies, if any, each party will contribute. It is inadvisable to start a new married relationship with debts on your credit cards or bank loans as repaying these will obviously reduce the amount of money available for other purposes that will arise e.g. new babies or buying a house or even the special romantic trips/evenings on the honeymoon.

Research shows that the most common reasons for relationship difficulties is financial pressures on the couple. One person being careful and trying to save money on little things whilst seeing the other spending on what they see as unnecessary expenses even if it is not verbalised will build resentment. You don't want to go building in reasons for a potential marriage breakup through spending too much by having a huge romantic wedding or not taking opportunities to trim back some expenses to bring it back within budget.

Romantic weddings that you remember for the right reasons means budgeting each item as early as possible. Can you imagine the horror of setting carefully allocated prices against each item and spending up to your limit then finding that the amount set aside for clothes you were hiring did not include the cost of all the essential extras which cost nearly as much again. What can you do at the last minute to trim the costs of other items? Nothing can upset those carefully laid out romantic wedding planning budgets than last minute costs so leave a generous contingency fund for GENUINE emergencies.

Plan a wedding to remember but think about the cost! If you can trim just a little off the cost in say half a dozen places it could amount to a considerable saving. Will any part of the flower décor be suitable for both the ceremony and the reception? Wise spending makes a difference and if you find you are still under budget on the whole wedding you could use it for a special treat dinner during the honeymoon. What small savings can you find?

Happily Ever After the Divorce?

2007-08-10T00:45:00.001-07:00

We have all grown up with dreams of the princess bride fairy tale. Every woman, no matter how sensible, has been indoctrinated since birth with Disney-esq. romantic notions about marrying Prince Charming and living happily ever after.

Many women who find themselves in the already turbulent and transition filled midlife years have to face another reality: the gradual decay of the marriage myth which seems to come to a head somewhere right around 50 years old. It seems that when midlife women begin to seek their power and independence, marriage becomes…optional.

* Setting Them Up for Failure

There are two large factors that contribute to the steady rise of divorce rates among the long term marriages of people in their 50s. First of all, many when young succumbed to the popular myths about marriage such as:

* We expect the same things from a marriage. Instead there is often a huge clash when family cultures and expectations collide.

* The good will get better and the bad will disappear. Rather, one learns that you can’t change him/her.

* He will complete me. Instead, what seemed like a complementary fit becomes annoying.

Unrealistic expectations and misguided beliefs about marriage constitute a recipe for dissatisfaction and frustration. The problem that really kicks this issue into high gear is that many women were raised to avoid conflict rather than to speak up when there is a problem. By midlife this has resulted in a mountain of resentments that have been harbored and nursed for years.

* Why Women Leave

Midlife can be a time for serious re-evaluation and assessment of a woman’s life. And it seems that many women in this age group find their marriages to be seriously lacking. According to a study commissioned by the AARP of people divorced in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, 66% of the divorces were initiated by women.

Fully a third of these women considered divorce for 2 years before mentioning it, and 10% gave it at least 10 years worth of thought. While you might think their husbands would be aware, 26% of these men claim they were completely blindsided by their wife’s divorce request.

So why are these women leaving in such numbers? The top reason they give is the need for self-identity.

* What Does This Mean for Women in Midlife?

Clearly there are huge gaps between our expectations of marriage and the realities. There is also a huge communication gap between women asking for what they want and men hearing them. Finally, there is the ever-present problem of women who give their heart and soul to the nurturing of everyone around them and have nothing left for themselves.

If you are women in midlife, you must learn what it means to take care of yourself. However, reversing a lifelong pattern is a huge challenge. Do you even know what you want? Can you clearly visualize the future you are trying to create?

Coaches for midlife women are very popular right now because there are thousands of women trying to figure out what they want and how to get it.

* What Does This Mean for the Midlife Marriage?

Successful marriages involve partners who support each other in their growth and development. Your part in this equation is to make sure that you have realistic expectations, listen to your own needs and wants, speak your truth and treat yourself as kindly as those around you. Marriages that thrive usually have two partners who don’t try to complete each other; rather they respect each other and their differences.

* What Does it Mean if I’m Divorced?

First of all, studies show that divorced people go on to live as happy and fulfilling lives as those who have never experienced a divorce. Whether you are divorced or married, midlife can be a pivotal time for a woman to reinvent herself and create the life she really wants. And it’s time to pay attention to the needs of her soul.

If you find yourself in these circumstances, surround yourself with supportive women friends. Stop looking and wishing for rescue. Rather find your own solutions. Create a life that is based on your authentic power rather than the myths of childhood.

75% of women who divorce in their 50s will find themselves in an exclusive relationship within two years. But many of these women will not choose to remarry. Neither marriage nor divorce is set up as happily-ever-after scenarios. However, whether it is marriage or divorce midlife presents an opportunity to learn, grow, and take steps to creating the life you really want. That part is no fairy tale and it is about creating your dreams.

8 Things That Attract A Man to A Woman!

2007-08-10T00:44:00.002-07:00

There are certain things that are going to attract a man to a woman. If you are a man and you are wondering what you can do to make yourself more attractive to a woman, you need to pay attention. You have to check this out so that you have what it takes to draw in a woman and keep her interested in you. Being able to attract a woman is going to be the first step in building a great relationship.

1) Dress for Success

The first thing that you need to do is make sure that you are keeping up with your appearance. Women want to have a man that looks a certain way. They want to have a man that takes pride in their appearance and wants to look good for them. However I am sure that a woman does not want to have a man that is too worried about what they looks. Pretty boys are not usually what most women want however there are a few that do like this type.

Make sure that your clothes and hair and everything about you makes you look attractive. Keep yourself groomed well and always make sure that you smell good. Women go crazy for men that smell nice.

2) Take Advantage of Her Senses

You need to make sure that you are appealing to her senses. This means you need to think about what you can do to make yourself more appealing to her through her senses. You need to have everything - from the way that you sound to the way that you touch her!

Make sure that you talk in the voice that melts her from time to time. Again having the right fragrance is going to make her feel good about you too. Clothing and appearance will take care of the sight sense and you need to make sure that you keep up on the sense of touch. Give her comfort and hold her when you should and make her feel loved by the way that you touch her.

3) Make her Dream about You

Give her a reason to think about you. Whatever it is make sure that you leave an impression in her mind. It can be anything from the way that you talk to her, the affection that you show her or the little things that you do to make her happy.

Whatever it is make sure that she can never take her mind off of you. This will make her feel good and you will be able to have her in the palm of your hands all the time.

4) Make her the Center of your Universe

Treat her like she is the most important thing in your life. Of course she should be but you need to show her. Focus your attention on her and block out any distractions. This means a night out with the guys, a good looking waitress, sweet looking ride on the road or anything else that may grab your attention from her.

You want to make sure that you are giving her your full attention and making sure that she knows that she is the only thing that matters when you are together. Even when you are not together, let her know that you are thinking about her. Text her or give her a brief call from time to time. Let her know that you are always thinking of her and that you want to let her know that.

5) Flirting never hurts

Do not be afraid to flirt with her. This will make her feel sexy and good. You should never flirt with anyone else though. This will usually only make her mad and you may end up getting in a lot of trouble if you do this. Let her know that you are attracted to her.

6) STOP - Listen

Listening to a woman is going to get you far. If you are trying to win the heart of someone, you need to pay attention. Make sure that you listen to everything that she is saying and be sure to make eye contact with her. This will make her feel good and she will defiantly be attracted to you for this.

7) Take an Interest in Her Life

Women love men that take an interest in what they are doing and what they are feeling. Make sure that you are giving them a reason to want to hang out with them. Do the things that she likes to do and spend time getting to know her better. This is something that you will want to do so that she knows that you are interested in her and what she is doing in life. Ask her that her hobbies are and what she likes to do for fun.

8) Honesty IS the Best Policy

Women like men that are honest and sincere. Do not lie to her. This will only get you in trouble. You need to make sure that you are doing what you need to in order to keep the lines of communication open and never make anything up or lie to her. Give her a reason to trust you and never let her down in this way. You may never regain her trust if you do.

When you are serious about getting a woman to be attracted to you all of these techniques will help you. Use them to your best interest and take advantage of the things that you can and make sure that you are keeping all of your intentions good when you are trying to make a woman fall in love with you.

Three Reasons You Don't Have the Relationship of Your Dreams

2007-08-10T00:44:00.001-07:00

Some people have the relationships of their dreams, but most people don't. Most people are secretly suffering and settling -- stuck wishing things were better without much chance of change.

What's the difference? What keeps people trapped in dead end situations?

There are three main reasons why people don't have the relationships of their dreams.

Reason #1: Blaming their partner for the problems. "It's all their fault!"

The first and most obvious reason is blaming their partner for everything. They think, "If my partner would only change, things would be perfect." This is such an easy trap to fall into, but if you think about it, it's very dis-empowering.

Why?

Because it implies that your future and happiness depends on somebody else changing. And when you think about how hard it is to change your own behavior (as in dieting, quitting smoking, working out, etc.) you start to realize that this strategy is not going to be very successful.

Reason #2: "People know what to do, but they're not doing what they know."

Some people don't have the relationship of their dreams because they are not willing to do the things that they know would help transform the relationship.

This is often a spin-off of reason #1. After-all, "It's their fault, why should I change?" It also may be because of past programming, conditioning and baggage. But whatever is stopping you, you may be unwilling to lead the transformation in your relationship.

Reason #3, "You are willing to change, you just don't know what to change."

The last reason you might not have the relationship of your dreams, is that you don't know what to do.

You don't have the tools, skills and training to deal with the emotional, impactful and important issues that come up in relationships without taking it personally or making it personal -- without attacking or defending.

Doctors learn the language of medicine. Attorneys learn the language of law. Plumbers learn the language of pluming. And couples need to learn the language of compassion and understanding for relationships.

You may not have the specialized skills you need to listen effectively so your partner really wants to talk openly and vulnerably with you.(Most people don't. not even doctors and lawyers. Look at their divorce rates!)

Or, you may not have the skills that will allow you to talk in a way that your partner will really want to listen and understand you.

When issues come up in a relationship here are some of the strategies people try:

First and foremost is the "Ignore It and Hope It Goes Away" strategy. This is by far the easiest strategy, and at the same time, the least effective.

Occasionally it does work because the level of drama and emotions is reduced. But usually it ends up in only suppressing the drama for the moment, but never resolving it.

The second strategy is asking friends and family for advice. Warning. be very careful about seeking advice from friends and family. Before you do, look at their relationships and see whether or not those relationships are ones you are envious of.

Do they walk their talk? If you followed their advice would you have the relationship of your dreams?

The third strategy is reading articles and books, listening to tapes and watching Dr. Phil or Oprah. I am all for this, as there are some amazing books out there by some great relationship experts. The drawback is that often times what you really need is much more of a hands-on approach.

You wouldn't want to learn how to parachute from a book "The Idiots Guide To Jumping Out Of a Plane". but once you know how to skydive, you can use a book for some fine tuning tips.

The fourth strategy is counseling and therapy. I will give you a mixed review on these. There are definitely people out there who can help you totally transform your relationship... but there are also people out there who are charging an awful lot of money and can't even maintain a relationship of their own.

Most therapy is set up around solving a specific problem, rather than giving you the tools and training to be able to communicate about any issue with compassion, intimacy and understanding.

And then there's the fifth and often most effective strategy: get yourself a relationship coach.

If you were going to lose weight or get in shape. there are three things you need, first a commitment, next a system you can stick to and lastly a good trainer or coach.

You need someone who will teach you, inspire you and if needed, kick you in the butt to keep on the path.

Getting your relationship in shape is not a quick fix. You don't go to the gym once a year and actually expect any lasting results. Do you?

Seek a coach who is knowledgeable about HOW to improve your relationship - somebody who can give you the tools to dig out what's bugging you from your past, and the skill to move through those issues in the present.

Seek a coach who will work with you compassionately. Dr. Phil is funny with his no-nonsense style of coaching ("Get over it!"). But there's nothing like some compassion and empathy for where you're at now - for your beautiful desire to improve things - even if your current strategies aren't working.

Empathy goes a long way toward healing those old wounds. Start today.

Cheating and Infidelity Statistics: Are Men Cheating More Than Women?

2007-08-10T00:43:00.001-07:00

Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. Do these infidelity statistics seem a bit startling? What these findings suggest is that approximately one half of all married men and women do seek intimacy outside of their committed relationships. But what does this really mean and why are the number of men and women having extramarital affairs so high?

This may come as a complete surprise, but most extramarital affairs are not about sex. What then,is the main factor that causes infidelity? One should pay attention to the reason most people find intimacy with someone outside of their marriage is because of their emotional needs are not being met. Yes, it is true in most cases of infidelity and about wanting to feel emotionally connected to someone.

One should realize that suggestions may not be particularly popular, especially among men and women who are on the receiving end of the infidelity. Obviously, finding out that your spouse or partner has cheated on you is shocking and painful. Realizing that you are just another number that adds to the infidelity statistic is not something you would like to flaunt.

The reality is that there are a lot of unsatisfying and empty relationships out there, but however, the reason why infidelity statistics are as high as they are is because people place a higher value on their careers, children, friends or hobbies and not on their relationships with their partners. Think about it, when you neglect any of these areas, it is just a matter of time before they deteriorate and ultimately lead to its untimely death. The failure in the relationship becomes imminent..The bottom line is that if you want to avoid becoming yet another case that adds to the infidelity statistic, then you must nurture and prioritize your relationship with your spouse or partner. As you may have already figured out, unlike planes, relationships cannot be maintained on "auto-pilot".

According to the current infidelity statistics 60% of men and 40% of women are involved in extramarital affair. These figures are even more drastic when the total numbers of marriages are considered. Because it is less likely that all the men and women having extramarital affairs do happen to be married to each other. At least half of the women having affairs are married to men are not included in the 60% of men having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in about 80% of all marriages. With this study you can see that many marriages are getting affected and it is unreasonable to think affairs are due to the failures and shortcomings of individual husbands or wives. Leave alone the entire world, only in U S, 17% of divorces are caused by unknown misconceptions such as infidelity. There exists even strong evidence, which proves that there is a high correlation between on-line infidelity and subsequent real-time sexual affairs. Check out this link for the full story. http://www.womansavers.com

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?

2007-08-10T00:42:00.000-07:00

The concept of ‘nice’ keeps on changing from time to time. It is really worth mentioning that nice guys just like the sexy gals have more demand in reality…still, there is no hard and fast rule regarding this pre-conception. Making friendship or to end-up-with sexual action with the person from the opposite sex does not only depend upon the physical beauty or good behavior, but also relies largely on mental smartness and extreme urge for attaining your desired one.

From our common experience, we can say that a handsome guy can attract a young girl through his bright complexion, stylish hair, sharp eyes, muscular structure and several other features. Adding to all these, they do possess extra qualifications like smartness at the hour of requirement, ability to crack jokes at certain points to ward off monotony of life, sensuousness and most importantly, faithfulness in the core of hearts.

To evaluate whether a nice guy can end up making friendship or having sex, we need to segregate boys into two compartments: the first one who can successfully hook up and other one who can’t. It would be wrong if we come into the conclusion right now that a nice guy can always finish at last, it is definitely not true; on the other hand, if we mention that nice guy can not succeed at all, we are creating a misconception about the so called ‘nice guys’. So, to make it simple, there is no fixed rule, which can be applied to determine whether a nice guy comes at the end of the race. Still, we have an option wide open to discuss about the features that finishes at last.

There is no denying the fact that individual opinion cannot be taken granted as general; but to make a general opinion, fragmented individualized opinion have to be considered as a whole. Consider a blue-eyed boy with silky and spiky hair; when he opens his clothes, a stout feature comes out that reflects sinewy biceps and bony chest. Soothing smile added with mesmerizing stare compels every second person to fall in love…if these features are tinged with aesthetic dressing combination, they would become simply the heartthrob of any sexy girl. Style of expressing something, intellectuality and other mannerisms also earn attention of the loved ones. Style of walking, way of communication and last but not the least, his eagerness to make friendship with opposite sex is the criteria for coming up with flying colors in the game of dating.

Think of a boy with all the abovementioned features…do you think he would be able to capture attention of a girl at the first appearance? Probably YES and probably No!!! It may seem ridiculous, but is true to the deepest sense of the term. Actually, the power of catching attention of any new person does not only depend on the outward features, but also on the innate power. It is seen quite often that a man with ordinary looks can mould mind of a young girl through his power of communication, affability, openness and more. It is not that nice but shy guys will always come at the last in the race. But, it is happening to most of the nice guys…they meet women, but their extrovert friends take the cake away while they remain standing at the corner on their own, wondering ‘why the girls don’t look at me when they pass by?’ It is quite simple really…men are generally physically stronger than women and usually performs the job of earning money for the rest of the family. A smart and ebullient guy ooze confidence like no nice shy guy does and that attract the women to go for making love with them. Women get attracted to opposite sex due to ‘cockyness’ and dominating nature and then breaks up for the same reason and then repeats this cycle with another man. The thing is that women rarely comes out of their cocoon and advances for making love; but men have to take the initiative just like the matchstick is essential for creating great fire. This is why nice shy guy come last in the event of making love.

So, nice-guys will have to come forward leaving behind the tears of self-loathing and getting over their shyness. They are required to do something on their own. Prepare yourself for the right time and place, flash killing glances when any young girl stares at you and do not hesitate to interact with her. Keep your relationship growing through proper communication, know her likes and dislikes, and propose to carry your association for long. You can get two answers in turn – she might have fallen in love or may show unwillingness to continue. If she agrees with your proposal, carry on making love and enjoy the rest of your life; but if she denies your proposal, try your luck for another girl. Don’t be disheartened at all!

It will definitely work for you by getting turned down once in a while. Your key phrase should be like this…"getting hurt is much better than regretting for not taking any action on my own."

Can Friendship Turn To Romance?

2007-08-10T00:41:00.000-07:00

It is important to be really systematic for turning friendship into romance. Friendship and romance are inseparable in many cases, but it is not universally true for all. Many people are enjoying their romantic life that they started with friendship a long back. On the other hand, the diametrically opposite situation may happen to your life also…you can lose your intimate friend in the mire of romance. It is the mystery of psychology that propels human beings to behave like this. But, we should always follow what our mind directs us to do. If you feel to make a romantic relationship with your friend, do not hesitate to march forward until you get him/her.

Just think of the situation – you have a friend, who understands you well, who knows you and would stand beside you in all situations; he/she is certainly the perfect match for your romantic life. The most important thing is that your have to be pragmatic enough to make her/him understand the situation, otherwise everything will be lost in the wave of time.

Romancing close friends can be risky – they may take the relationship as granted at the beginning…and you may have to face a false situation. If you are honest about your aims and objectives, do not hesitate! You know her well right from her earlier days and vice versa…and it is assumed that the relationship that exists between you can never be altered even if the sky comes down to the earth. A true friend can bring success, happiness and all the treasures in life. Honesty will pay for you and if you are honest to bring your relationship to romance, none has the power to stop that.

Most of the people assume lot of things at the beginning of any friendship. They start daydreaming and finish as a loser. It should be kept in mind that mere assuming would not pay you until you have an utmost desire to fulfill your demand. If you are too crazy to make a romantic relationship with your close friend…take time and wait for the perfect time to tell her. You would have to change certain things of you. Your lip service can play a big role to canalize your friendship to romance. Tell expressively and persuasively that you love her from your heart. If she does not want to change the equation of the relationship immediately, do not be worried; keep on persuading her and you would get the result in no time. In such cases faith and honesty work a lot.

It is necessary to bring certain changes within you; otherwise it would be too tough for you to transfer your relationship from friendship to romance. First of all, get a different look – always dress elegantly and spray perfume frequently, so that she can observe some changes in you. Be realistic and create an opportunity for her to come closure to you. Suppose, both of you are in a stroll, what you need to do is that place your palm near her waist and smoothly start rubbing until she gets aroused sexually. Wait for the perfect time - hold her hand and kiss. If she agrees with your gesture, carry on kissing in different places including lip, breast and more. Try to be direct with her and make no hesitation in asking for dating. Say, whatever you have at the earliest, because nobody knows what may happen in the days to come. Still, you need to be practical enough to judge the perfect time and place and of course, of the mental state of your beloved. Be true to your heart and do not fear from rejection. Keep a positive outlook and you can earn your desired soul by applying the tried and tested law.

Once she shows any positive sign of continuing romance, try to make it doubly sure by giving her romantic gifts and sumptuous treats at renowned restaurants. Whenever you get spare time, go to your nearby park or at the riverside. Speak in romantic tone and pick out some happy memories of the past. It will simply create magic for you. Make scope for her to vent out her emotional stories of her life. Sit closer to her and continue rubbing her body, so that she can feel good. Look for the opportunity to stimulate her physically as well as emotionally… if you can do so, you are rest assured of winning half the battle. She is not expected to tell about this incident to anyone; it is because of two separate reasons. Firstly, she would not like to create any gossip amongst her friends and secondly, she would not like to debar her from getting sexual pleasure.

So, be free from hesitation and enjoy the ultimate friendship through making love. Always remember the proverb – "Marriages are made in heaven" and if it is true, you do not need to bother about the consequences. Go and tell your friend!!! She would definitely reciprocate your feelings. It is quite possible that she is also making her mind for you…

Does Being Bi-Curious Make Me Gay?

2007-08-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

The question sounds something like – ‘I am comfortable being bi-curious, but I am not quite OK being gay.’ So, before I answer your question, you need to know what actually bi-curiosity is. Being bi-curious does not essentially mean that you are a gay or bisexual person, but, of course, you have somehow developed sexual interest towards members of both sexes. A bi-curious individual may identify himself/herself as either a heterosexual or a homosexual. Still, he/she can often fantasize about someone from the same sex (in case if, he/she is straight). On the other way, if the person concerned is gay, he/she may get sexually attracted towards a member of the opposite sex.

Sexuality of human being cannot be described in just one word, since it is not an either/or situation. Some individuals are, of course, 100% straight. They just don’t feel any sort of sexual attraction towards the members of their own sex on any occasions in their lives. Again, there are some men and women who identify themselves as totally homosexual individuals. Sexual feelings towards persons from the opposite sex never arise in their minds. But, the rest of people, who form the majority section, hover somewhere in between. Some of them may describe themselves as bisexuals, some may be not at all sure about their sexuality (that means they are still ‘questioning’ themselves regarding their sexual orientation), while the rest of them often or occasionally get turned on by persons from both the sexes, but is not yet ready to attach the ‘bi-sexual’ label. They can be hailed as ‘bi-curious’. It is not necessary that a bi-curious person will have sexual encounters with members of their own sex as well as opposite sex. But, they will surely daydream about getting physical with a person with whom they are not supposed to have sex with.

Let’s imagine the situation: Your friend appears to be very much straight and he even has a steady girlfriend. Now, you have suddenly caught him gazing at nude photos of other men in his PC. When you ask him about the issue, he admits that he often gets sexual pleasure looking at young, handsome men, though he never had sex with any man in his life. Here, you can hail your friend’s sexuality as bi-curiosity. Again, the situation can be something different: Your cousin calls her lesbian and she is quite sure that she wants to spend the rest of her life with the woman of her dreams. But, here too, one fine morning, you find her in a compromising position with her male friend. Being questioned, she frankly replies that though she is well aware of her sexual preference, she was just trying to experience how does it feel to get into the act with a man. These are just instances of bi-curious human nature. There may be thousands of other examples that suggest bi-curiosity among individuals.

As there is still some stigma attached to the terms ‘gay’, ‘lesbian’ or even ‘bisexual’, most people tend to call themselves ‘bi-curious’. The perspective of bi-curiosity differs from person to person. For some, it is a provision of breaking free from conventional sexual monotony while for others; it is a way of keeping the options open. Being bi-curious surely makes you partly gay, because you cannot escape the fact that you have both homosexual and heterosexual tendencies. Again, you are not totally gay, because though you may have got into sexual relationships with men only, deep inside you preserve a curiosity of exploring the female anatomy too. But, whether you are gay, bi-sexual or bi-curious, you are an absolutely normal human being. There’s nothing wrong in felling the urge of having sex with both men and women, so be comfortable with yourself and your own feelings.

There are lots of men who identify themselves as straight, yet they have no qualms about having sex with other men. They just cannot resist themselves of obtaining the pleasure of having sex, be it with a woman or a man. Sometimes, admiration for a person from the same gender leads to sexual attraction. These sorts of crushes are more common among the girls. But, whatever it may be, each and every person should express his or her sexual desire freely. Getting curious about another person’s body is neither unnatural, nor offensive.

May be the terms ‘infidelity’, ‘unfaithful’ are more associated with being bisexual, but a person cannot always have control over his/her feelings and emotions. What if they feel indomitable passion inside their hearts for people of both sexes at the same time? It is not at all healthy to keep all desires suppressed. It can have negative consequences in future. So, instead of bothering over the issue of being gay or being bisexual, you must do what you feel like. Get over with all your fears and apprehensions and ask your inner self about your exact orientation, because, you will be the best person to judge your true nature.

Things to Do When You're Single in Chicago

2007-08-10T00:39:00.002-07:00

So you say you're single in Chicago? What are you going to do about it?

First things first. You have to find someone else who happens to be single in Chicago, and you have to be willing to take the steps to meet them and take them out into the town to experience everything the Chicago dating scene has to offer.

This is possibly the most important step, though, admittedly, one of the more difficult. There are more than a million singles in Chicago, so how do you find the right one?

Modern times call for modern solutions, and the Chicago online dating community is one of the best in the country. And online dating sites that offer compatibility profiles are one of the best ways to weed out the incompatibles and make the most of your time as a single in Chicago.

Now, once you've found the right person, it's time to try something new and unique. With so many opportunities in Chicago, there's no reason to let yourself get bogged down in the old standby “dinner and a movie”. When you're single in Chicago you have a very singular opportunity to experience activities, music, cuisine and a world of other possibilities that singles in other cities will never know.

You can begin your day at Millennium Park, take the time to go strolling through the landscape or pack up a blanket and food for a wonder picnic. If you're looking for something a little more active, head over to Navy Pier where you can experience everything from riding on a giant ferris wheel to watching a performance by a Shakespeare Troupe. Still not what you're looking for? Then take a day and mingle with the tourists at the Sears Tower. This is something that Chicago singles often pass up because it's seen as too “touristy”, but the view of Chicago can only really be appreciated 110 stories up. It's a great way to get the date started off right.

If these activities aren't quite your thing, consider the Chicago sports scene. Chicago is populated by some of the most loyal sports fans in the country, and if you can find someone who is single in Chicago and also loves the Bears/Bulls/Cubs/etc, the an athletically themed date may be perfect for you.

Chicago is known for some great cuisine, but often we can fall prey to complacency and routine, and always wind up at the same places over and over again. Take some time to find a new and romantic place and start creating some truly memorable dating memories. Whether at Geha's Fondue or Emperor's Choice for some Chinese food, you can find new dining experiences in Chicago.

But if what you really need is to hit the dance floor with your favorite Chicago dance partner, then this town can provide. When you're single in Chicago you can spend your evenings surrounded by 800 other people at the Crobar or experience a wide range of music at Sonotheque. There's something in this town for everyone, from techno lovers to Country swingers.

So here's the real question: With so much to do in Chicago, why would you waste your time with the mundane and standardized dates? We often do it because it's simple, quick, and fairly cheap. And While we know it won't be all that impressive of a date, we also know that it probably won't fail miserably either. Rather than try something new, where our plans may crash and burn, we opt for the “safe” option, where our plans can wallow in the shallow waters of routine. But maybe it's time to take advantage of your time as a single in Chicago and start making your dating life something spectacular.

Big No-No's In Your Relationship with A Woman, Which She Secretly Wish You Knew!

2007-08-10T00:39:00.001-07:00

There are things that women want men to know but do not tell them. This is going to mean the difference between a good relationship and a bad one. If men could only know about these things that are big no-nos and knew what women wanted, they would be able to have happier relationships with the woman in their life.

1) Giving Respect is as Important as Getting It

One thing is respect. Women want to have respect. When it comes to respecting women, some men are not so good at it. This may end up resulting in them losing out in the relationship. It is important to show respect to a woman that you are involved with or any woman for that matter. Give them an opportunity to see that you can be a good guy and that you can respect what they believe and let them have their own feelings about things.

Respect is going to be shown through actions. You can do nice things for a woman like opening up the door, giving up your seat or talking to her differently with passion and concern. It is not acceptable to just fake some charm on a first date. You need to be real and up front about how you are going to be in the relationship on a day-to-day basis.

2) Being Kind to the World

Being kind is another secret that most men do not know that women want. Women want their man to be kind to everyone. They want them to nice to everyone that they meet to some degree.

Treating others nicely will mean that they are kind and are going to give the same type of treatment that they deserve and expect from everyone else. Kindness can go a long way to a women's heart and it should be something that men think about.

3) Having Accountability for Actions

Women want men to have accountability. They wan to make sure that men are going to take the responsibility for the things that they have done. This can mean anything from the smallest problem to bigger life changing events that happen in their life. Women want to make sure that they are with a man that is going to be a stand-up guy and do what they are supposed to do.

4) Loving Family

One no no that women hate is a man that does not love her family. Women want to have a man that is going to love their family and take on the pressures of family life in a good way.

This means their parents, brothers, sisters and children all the same. They need to know that they can rely on their husbands or boyfriends to do what is needed of them. Most women need someone that they can trust and whom they know is going to be there for them when they are most in need.

5) Being Safe and Secure

Women want to also feel safe with their men. They want to know that they have nothing to worry about and that they are in good hands when they are with them. Having the feeling of security is going to mean all the difference when a woman is with their man. They want to be secure not only with their man but they also want to know that their man is going to be there to protect them when they need it the most.

Women need to make sure that their man is taking their relationship seriously. They want to know that their man is going to be there for them no matter what and they want to make sure that they are for real in the partnership.

Try not to joke around all the time and laugh about things in the relationship as this is going to insult some women and make them feel low. Women want their men to be committed and serious about what is going on in the relationship just as they do.

Having a Threesome Can Be Benefitial To Your Relationship

2007-08-10T00:38:00.001-07:00

You might wonder... Are there any benefits of enjoying threesome once in a while?

Oh YES there are!

Let’s take a look at the three major benefits of experiencing a more open sex life:

1. You can’t cheat and the need to cheat diminishes
2. Your chances of remaining in a quality relationship drastically improve
3. You make more effort to stay physically in shape

1. You can’t cheat and the need to cheat diminishes

Most monogamous couples choose to be 'monogamist' not because they want to, but because they don’t know any better. Many of them get married with the best of their intentions to remain faithful, however, after a few years of being together the “opportunity” arises and suddenly they cheat on their wife or husband. Why do you think people cheat? Because they’re looking for something that they can’t find anymore in their steady partners: VARIETY.

The thought to have sex with only one person for the rest of our lives scares the hell out of most of people; especially guys! Whether we like to admit it or not; the truth is that traditional couples 'cheat' all the time. If we’re good enough at hiding our 'affairs', the secret goes with us to the grave. Some “cheaters” however are caught in the act. Unfortunately cheating on your partner; caught or not, destroys that precious bond that you have together.

The moment you cheat, you have subconsciously damaged the relationship. Interesting enough amongst sexually liberated couples 'cheating' is nearly non-existing. Why? Because they “play” together so they can have the best of both worlds: familiarity and variety. Playing brings them together, not apart as in 'cheating.'

2. Your chances of remaining in a quality relationship drastically improve

Because you both get to play with other people your relationship gives you the best of both worlds: variety and familiarity. This gives you a huge advantage to keeping a long-lasting quality relationship over most monogamous couples.

3. You make more effort to stay physically in shape

Because you’re hunting for threesome candidate (s) you remain in the “Dating Scene.” Most traditional couples end the honey moon phase in their relationship pretty early and reality settles in. They’re living together, working hard, start a family, trying to keep up with their social and family life. This seriously affects their sex life; familiarity sinks in and before they know it they put on weight and stop taking care of their physical appearance… having a sexually open, responsible non-monogamist relationship with your partner keeps you young.

Flirting raises your self-esteem and gives you an incentive to remain fit and attractive. “Playing Couples” , as they are known in the swinging scene, have a tendency to take care of their physical appearance. They want to be attractive not only for themselves but also for others.

As Any Husband’s Luck Would Have It …

2007-08-10T00:37:00.000-07:00

For many people July 7, 2007 was considered a lucky day. All across our country hundreds of young couples selected this day to get married. It had something to do with having three sevens in a row. Everybody knows this is the epitome of luck.

Actually, not everybody knew this, because I did not know it. It never occurred to me that a combination of certain numbers could in fact give me luck. Moreover, why the number 7 is lucky is beyond my imagination. Let alone, three in a row. Why not four in a row, or better yet, seven in a row? That would make more sense to me.

Obviously, the words “luck” and “sense” should not be used in the same sentence.

If you have luck, you don’t need good common sense. And the reverse is true, if you have good common sense what do you need with luck?

But, for some reason many couples all across the country believed July 7, 2007 was a lucky day to get married. I have my suspicions that this came from the bride’s side of the wedding party and not the groom’s. Most grooms I know count themselves lucky to find someone who will in fact marry them. And then, every groom thinks it’s a lucky day when he gets through his wedding day without unduly embarrassing his new in-laws.

I have officiated at many weddings in my time. I must admit there were some couples I felt could use all the luck in the world. Then there were, unfortunately, those couples that no amount of luck in the universe was going to help them. Despite vehement objections on my part, I could not convince them to call the whole thing off. They thought they were in love and that is all they needed to get through life.

After all, love makes the world go around, which may be why so many people in love are so dizzy.

In spite of this “lucky day,” statistics tell us more than half of these marriages will end in divorce. And believe me, divorce is no lucky thing, unless you’re a divorce attorney, who just may be behind this entire “lucky-day-marriage” phenomenon.

Marriages are not built on luck, but on love and lots and lots of hard work. More of the latter than the former, I assure you.

As I was reading all of this nonsense about “lucky day marriages,” I turned to the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and asked her about this.

“Do you think our wedding day was your lucky day?”

Some days I regret my mother ever taught me how to speak. The problem with my mother was, she taught me how to speak but never taught me what to say. I believe this is a woman’s conspiracy against men. Mothers should teach their sons what to say and what not to say to their wives.

My question to my wife was a rather innocent thing, so I thought. I will not say she threw me a sarcastic look. She did, I just refuse to say it in public on grounds it will incriminate me. A husband can stand only so much incrimination in life.

After this alleged sarcastic look my way, she simply said, “Ha!”

I’m not sure she thought I was making a joke or not, but being the astute husband that I am, I pursued the thought no further. This is what makes marriages great ... mystery. Our marriage has enough mystery in it to keep Agatha Christie busy for 100 years.

Luck is a very curious thing. I’m not at all sure how to define it, but I count it a lucky day when I don’t spill ketchup on my tie when eating at a restaurant.

Counting on luck really doesn’t add up. Luck comes in only two categories. Good luck and bad luck.

This reminds me of the old “Hee Haw” song that said, “If I didn’t have any bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all.” Much of the luck in my life has all been bad.

When I was younger, I had a lucky shirt. I wore to every ballgame I played in and it always brought me good luck; I never died in any game. Since getting married, my luck has changed. I have not seen that shirt in 30 years. I’m not blaming my wife, but I did not throw it out.

How I made it through life all these years without my “lucky shirt,” I do not know. More than once my wife has suggested I no longer need that “lucky shirt,” because she is my “lucky charm.” I’m in no position to argue.

I like what the Bible has to say on these lines.

“For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, when we made known unto you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of his majesty. For he received from God the Father honour and glory, when there came such a voice to him from the excellent glory, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” (2 Peter 1:16-17 KJV.)

Counting on luck is about as futile as counting sheep at night. When you get up in the morning, the sheep are gone, and that is the way it is with luck.

What I count on is Jesus Christ. Counting on Him has multiplied blessings in my life.

The Morning after a Threesome

2007-08-10T00:36:00.001-07:00

What can you do "The Morning After" a threesome to avoid negative feelings

After she’s gone, it‘s time for you and your partner to connect with each other, talk about the experience and re-live together what you’ve accomplished! This is the time to bring out your feelings and tell each other honestly how the experience was. It’s also the time to compliment each other as much as possible about what you just accomplished. From this moment the female in the seducing couple becomes the “queen of the world” and the male’s duty is to spoil her rotten for days to come. This works in his favor, because it’ll be an incentive for her to allow you to experience more threesomes!

A small tip that will simply show your thoughtfulness as a couple towards your friend is to send her a bouquet of flowers the next day with a nice but naughty card telling her how grateful you both are and how special she is. Mention that you’ll never forget that beautiful night.

Important Considerations

Make sure you leave the door really open for her to come back, however don’t assume that just because it happened once it will happen again. Now the ball is on her court. Respect her choice and avoid assuming that just because she slept with you, you have a relationship! Single women react differently every time, so it’s virtually impossible to give you a recipe. My advice is that you play it by ear; next time you both see her embrace her tender, but don’t try to jump on top of her right away with a passionate French kiss. As a woman, meeting your friend again after that night act totally cool and natural about it and reinforce that it was a wonderful night. By no means display any feelings of uncertainty or confusion. If she sees you’re comfortable and confident she’ll consider returning, this will show her that you’re a mature couple where she can seek refugee and with whom she can explore her erotic fantasies with ease and confidence.

I’ve heard many comments of people who've just experienced a threesome and interesting enough they swing on a scale from “the best sexual experience of my life” to “highly overrated” to “it screwed up the relationship with my friend.” This reminds me of the roller coaster ride in the amusement park... some people get on it and have the time of their life and others come down throwing up and are sick for the rest of the day. Same experience, but complete reactions.

Why does this happen? Well, simple; FOCUS. If they focus on the shakes and turns and go against the flow because of fear, they will get sick, however if they let themselves go and immerse themselves in the fun, they’ll love the ride! Threesomes are the same, if you’re a responsible person and you simply want to explore your hedonistic urges and go with the flow, always looking ahead, then you’ll have a great time. However if you behave irresponsibly, don’t follow the right advice and do the wrong things you won’t enjoy it. The choice is yours and only yours.

When Dating Relationship Go Bad

2007-08-10T00:35:00.003-07:00

The overall reason people stay in relationships that just aren't working is because of fear of being alone. Many people are basically considered "walking dead" when it comes to being in a relationship that has no merit of making it. Gabby Love offers many key warning signs that a relationship is on the brink of failure and it's time to move on.

A. Fighting for no reason at all. When you start fighting over petty points that seem to blow out of proportion, i.e. leaving the toilet seat up is a favorite. The man being used to living his whole life on his own all of a sudden is considered inconsiderate and uncaring by the woman if the toilet seat is left up.

B. Showing little or no affection. It's funny how this is such a gray area that can break up a relationship because it's usually determined by the disgruntled party. What is really too much or too little?

C. The dreaded friends of the disgruntled party take center stage. Remember how excited you were when you first met and that special person was considered your true "soul mate" ? Now the meeting of disgruntled friends opinion appears center stage for discussion in your relationship.

D. If there was sexual involvement in the relationship it basically has been stopped or so mundane that you can't wait until you are through. To me this is the real sign it's over. Sex should be considered 90% mental and 10% physical.

E. Conversation in a relationship has become null and void. Remember the long hours on the phone and in person talking about everything? Now you can barely say one word to each other.

F. Finding your focus shifted to others instead of the one you are with. Remember sitting at a table and gazing into each others eyes when you first started dating? Now you look elsewhere instead of with the one you are with.

G. Finding excuses to not be together alone is becoming more evident. One of the favorite cop outs is work. Always working late becomes a popular tool because the other party can say they are too tired to get together.

H. Vacations are spent apart. Let's not forget the movie "How Stella Got Her Groove Back." Vacations apart are meant as a reason to explore new potential recruits. If your mate says they are going to a particular romantic getaway spot by themselves or with friends....boy... the signs are on the wall! It's over!

The above are just a few key points to look out for in a relationship that is going bad. Always remember a healthy relationship should be uplifting and positive.

Perfect Engagement Ring

2007-08-10T00:35:00.001-07:00

When it comes to buying the perfect engagement ring, we know that it's as important as the marriage proposal, and it's also as important as the wedding reception itself. Since this engagement ring is going to be something that reminds you of something sweet, a cherished moment in your life, the engagement ring should be absolutely nothing short of perfect.

It's not hard to find an engagement ring of your choice. You can find fabulous engagement rings on the Internet or by visiting a local jewelry store near you, but this is a fact - when it comes to buying engagement rings, it's not WHAT you know about engagement rings, diamonds and the quality of gold that matters, it's WHO the engagement seller is and his reputation in the engagement ring sector.

Regardless of how successful the engagement ring seller is, a dishonest engagement ring seller will always try his or her best to fool you about the quality and price of the engagement rings he or she sells. This is to ensure highest possible profit. Even the most experienced and established engagement dishonest ring retailer will try to do this.

However, there's a handful of honest engagement ring sellers who will give you a fabulous deal even if you know NOTHING about engagement rings. Their focus is not to fool you once-off. But the most important trait that an honest engagement ring seller has is that he or she is trying to give you value for money and build trust and a long-term relationship with you. They want you to take the engagement ring home, show it off to your friends and relatives, and then give good reviews about where you got the engagement ring and what a great deal you got for the engagement ring. It's in their interest that you buy one engagement ring, and come back for the wedding ring. It's to their benefit that you trust and have confidence in them that you recommend the engagement ring store to your sister, cousin, aunts and uncles so that they will buy their engagement rings, wedding rings, and jewelry from them.

All jewelers and engagement ring retailers have access to the same pool of diamond and gold resources in the country. The difference is in the seller and how much profit they want to make from you for the sale of the engagement ring.

Finally, be sure to shop around a little bit more before you buy the engagement ring. Most jewelry shops carry the same or similar (if not better) design of engagement rings and you can find different pricing for them somewhere else. And have fun shopping around too!

10 Dating Tips For Divorced Guys

2007-08-10T00:33:00.000-07:00

So you just went through a rough divorce and are back on the single scene. What do you do?

Being in the single pool once again can be a tough scanario for many divorced men. It's unfamiliar territory and it's a little frightening.

In part of 1 this article, I discussed the first 5 steps you must take in order to break through this mindset and start dating, and more importantly ENJOY being single once again.

here are the next 5 steps in the process:

***STEP 6- Have a game plan***

When you actually meet women that you find attractive, what will you do? What will you say and how will you behave? If you are one of the guys who is completely at a loss for words, you may want to invest in yourself by reading a couple of books, attending seminars or workshops.

This requires you to leave your ego at the door, as it's no different than deciding to hire a personal fitness trainer at your gym. If you don't know what you're doing, find guys who are proficient at it, seek their advice, and model what they do.

In my seminars and workshops, I have encountered all sorts of men, single and divorced, from office workers to engineers to doctors. If you leave your ego at the door, you'll start getting the results you want.

Make sure you seek advice that produces results, regardless of whom you go to for it. This leads me to a subsection of step 6.

Avoid poor advice. Please, stay away from the Dr. Phil and dear Abbey dating advice that will make you want to hang yourself. If that type of advice has ever worked for you, then please, by all means go for it. In my observation, guys often experience worse results due to that sort of advice. Enough said on this one.

***STEP 7-Excommunicate the ex***

Never ever complain about your marriage or your ex. I don't care if your ex was a demon who crawled out of the depths of hell to torment you, do not mention her!

Do not talk about her. Please! See a professional therapist of some sort to work out your angry feeling towards her. She is not a conversational topic for the new women you're dating. This is an often repeated costly mistake.

I know you're upset and I know the temptation to badmouth here is great. However, you ought to realize that when you're doing this, your ex-wife is still controlling your life as she is costing you dates, mates, and peace of mind, because you are allowing her to consume your thoughts.

STOP allowing her to run your life.

I feel silly for having to even write this, but I have come across such a plethora of men who seem determined to shoot themselves in the foot by discussing their ex too quickly.

Once you have been dating your new mate for some time, you can perhaps discuss a few things and share some funny battle stories if you really insist on doing so. (I said a few, like twice a year).

Focus on the positive! Do not dwell on the negative.

Most people understand that divorce is a bitter experience and there is no need for you to elaborate on this.

And seriously, how can you enjoy a GREAT time with this new person you're spending time with, when you're recalling bad memories and negative emotions from the last person you were with? Let her go out of your mind.

***STEP 8 *Do not jump into another relationship immediately***

At this point, full-fledged relationships may resonate with you because they present that sense of familiarity. Again, it's like the old guy who wanted to go back to the Shawshank prison because as horrible as the situation was, it made sense. (note: I am not comparing marriage to a prison, even if some of my pals would like to make that claim.)

What I am saying is this: If you were divorced a few months ago after a lengthy marriage, you probably are not ready to jump into another super serious relationships. They say time wounds heals and you need the time to heal.

Go out and date a few different women. Don't compare each woman to your ex. I don't care if your ex-wife could convert water into wine; it's over with. Apparently, it was really crappy wine, because you didn't want to say.

Having fun ought to be part of your focus. Again, It is essential to start surrounding yourself with men who genuinely like to go out and have a good time. If you're hanging out with guys who resemble the disheveled weatherbeaten looking members of Al Bundy's no-mam club who like to bitch and snivel, you're going to be surrounded in that negative energy. Befriend people who are positive.

***STEP 9- Fix up your pad, pal***

Create an environment that is conducive to entertaining female guests. It doesn't matter if you lost the house in the settlement. Whatever! Your current place of residence should be presentable. I could easily write another lengthy article on what would create a home that is female-friendly.

For a start, make sure it's clean, paying extra attention to the bathroom and the kitchen. If your bathroom looks like it's hosting species of organisms not yet recognized by modern science, you're shooting yourself in the foot. Clean up the place even if it takes paying a housekeeper.

***STEP 10 *Be comfortable with the fact that you have kids***

Again, this goes back to attitude! I can't tell you how many guys are so worried about the fact that they have kids.

Listen, will there be some women who won't be interested in a relationship because of your kids? Yes, but there will be MANY who will be fine with it. I know guys who have girlfriend 10 year younger, who happen to have a few kids.

Is that weird? No.

In fact, I am now going to share something that is going to be some of the most invaluable dating advice you'll ever receive in your life:

*It's only weird if you think it's weird*

If you think it's weird, you will have created limiting beliefs that will control your behavior accordingly. If you let go of that belief, you will realize that there is no truth in it. You'll realize it's something that is a generalization that you created in your heard based upon unsound ideas

Destroy the limiting belief and create a new one, a new belief that says it's possible to date attractive and interesting women regardless of if you have kids, and regardless of if you are divorced.

Whether you are divorced or are divorced with kids, there are plenty of single women who will date you. Many guys are already doing this. You can do it as well. It's important to know what attract women and the responsibility falls on you to present your most attractive self.

Save Your Money and Your Sanity by Moving to a Small Town

2007-08-10T00:32:00.002-07:00

I grew up in a tiny town - so tiny that it doesn’t show up on some maps. Until last year, however, I’ve spent all my adult life in big cities. I’m now a happy citizen of a small rural city, along with about 12,000 other people, give or take a few. When I announced that I was moving away from the city, my friends were worried that I’d ‘miss out’ on all the excitement of the city life, but I haven’t missed a thing.

I’m not the only baby boomer who’s finally escaped from the stress, traffic, noise and air pollution of city life. Since many of the folks in my generation grew up in rural areas, like I did, it makes sense for us to want to go home when we get older, even if ‘home’ is loosely defined as a somewhere quieter, less crowded, and nearer to the mountains or the beach. However, I’ve met a number of younger people, Generation X-types, who have never lived in any city with fewer than a million people, but who see the lower housing costs and the easy access to recreational areas, and start planning to make their move to a smaller town.

The city where I now live, La Grande, Oregon, was recently cited as one of the best places you’ve never heard of by The Mother Earth News. Because the area has been ‘discovered’, real estate prices are higher than they were when my grandfather lived here, 15 or 20 years ago, but houses are still far less expensive than homes in Portland, our nearest city. In fact, the house I bought here in La Grande is more than twice as big as the house I sold in Portland, but it cost half as I got when I sold my Portland house. Yes, that’s twice as much house for half as much money - a true bargain. If I didn’t mind going even a bit more rural, I could have moved to an even smaller town where homes sell for much less.

For years, people in Southern California have known they could sell their homes and use the proceeds of the inflated sale price to buy a house in Oregon, for cash. Now people inside Oregon are discovering that it’s possible to do the same thing, as long as you move from a large, overpriced real estate market to a reasonably-priced area in a smaller city.

Don’t I miss the plays, the movies, the waterfront festivals, and other amenities offered by the city I left behind? Not really, since I rarely had time to enjoy those things anyway, and I hated to park downtown. I do enjoy an occasional movie, but we have a movie theater here - two actually. In the summer we can go to the drive-in theater for a bit of nostalgic fun, and all year long we can see first-run movies in the theater downtown. We have an excellent library and a university, and we’re within an hour’s drive of one of the most spectacular summer recreation areas in the Wallowa Mountains.

But more importantly, as far as I’m concerned, is the friendly way people respond to you when you meet them at the post office or while walking your dog. I attribute this small-town friendliness to the simple fact that my neighbors don’t need to drive for 40 minutes through smog and ungodly traffic to get to work and back each day. They aren’t jostled by strangers as they do their shopping, and if something does go wrong and they need to call the local police force, it’s not unlikely that they’ll know the officer who responds to their call. Less stress makes it easier to be more relaxed when you meet someone new on the street.

For years city folks have assumed that people in smaller towns will be less liberal, and voting statistics do show that smaller cities in more agricultural areas do tend to vote Republican. However, a closer look at the numbers will show you that a sizable minority in every city and county, even in the most rural areas, did not vote for Bush in either election.

If you want to hang out with peace activists, you can find them in smaller cities, along with people who support their sons and daughters in the military, while at the same time believing that their Commander in Chief made a big mistake.

At one time, lop-sided politics may have been a good reason to stay away from smaller cities if you had a more liberal mindset, but now everyone in America sees the same news on TV, and has access to the same information on the Internet, so these regional differences are slowly disappearing. And many of those more liberal former-Californians have already made themselves at home in the smaller cities and towns, which helps to even out the political landscape. No matter what persuasion you might be, you’re likely to find like-minded folks enjoying a break from the big-city stress if you move to a smaller city.

If high living costs, pollution, traffic and stress are getting you down, start thinking about making your move to a less crowded city or town. Since large corporations like Google, Microsoft and Amazon are discovering that small town folks make good employees, you may even be able to get a good job once you get there - and you can be guaranteed to have a shorter commute to work.

Ride The Rails For A Novel Vacation

2007-08-10T00:32:00.001-07:00

Looking for a unique travel idea that travel industry insiders say is the modern-day counterpart of a 20th century steamship cruise? You might want to try rail cruising, which pairs enthusiastic travelers with classic luxury trains riding the rails through some of America's most beautiful countryside. Taking anywhere from just a few days to more than a week, these train trips offer well-appointed furnishings, gourmet dining and first-rate service to a small clientele that in most cases is limited to just a hundred or so passengers.

If you watch TV's Travel Channel, you may already be familiar with rail cruising from a travel show about one of these tour trains, the American Orient Express (AOE). The train, which was recently renamed the GrandLuxe Express when AOE's parent company changed its name to GrandLuxe Rail Journeys, is made up of polished, bullet-like lounge and dining cars originating from the 1940s and 1950s. Inside, mahogany and brass give the cars and compartments a chic art-deco touch that definitely suggests the Golden Age of train travel.

GrandLuxe Rail Journeys sends its trains on excursions that offer passengers views and experiences never dreamed of by 20th century patrons of steamship cruisers. One of the most breathtaking must be National Parks of the West, a 10-day luxury pleasure trip that starts its south-to-north leg in Albuquerque, New Mexico. From there, the train winds its way to Santa Fe, Sedona, the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, a choice of Bryce Canyon or Zion National Parks, Salt Lake City, Yellow Stone National Park and finally, Wyoming's Grand Teton National Park. There's also a version of the excursion that starts in Wyoming and then heads south (instead of north) to finish up in Albuquerque.

Another noteworthy trip must be the 9-day journey that visits four of the Pacific Northwest's most stunning national parks. For those who choose to start their trip with the eastbound leg of the Great Northwestern National Parks tour, the trip gets underway in Seattle, Washington, and heads first to Mt. Rainier National Park, where train passengers can enjoy a stunning view of the Cascade Range's highest peak (14,410 feet). From there it's on to the Columbia River Gorge, beautiful Coeur D'Alene, Idaho, pristine Glacier National Park, Helena, Montana, and finally Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. Westbound travelers start at Grand Teton and wrap up their excursion in the Emerald City of Seattle.

Remember, these are high-end tours that offer outstanding comfort and five-star cuisine in a truly unique environment, so expect to pay accordingly. Fares for the 2008 season, which includes eight separate departure dates between early May and late June, start at 5,250 dollars per person for the National Parks of the West Tour. The Northwestern National Parks tour starts at 4,710 dollars per person. Included in the fare is the cost of travel, some of the best food on rails and on board sleeping accommodations in two-person, original Pullman sleeper cars. Taking advantage of early booking can cut the cost of the trip by an average of about 250 dollars.

If fares like these are just too steep for your wallet, you can still enjoy the luxury of rail cruising. GrandLuxe Rail Journeys also offers rail trips that are significantly easier on the pocketbook. For example, you can journey from Chicago to Los Angeles for 1,599 dollars or take one of many 789-dollar trips that link cities like Washington, D.C. and Miami, Denver and San Francisco, Denver and Chicago, and Chicago and Washington, D.C.

Wildfire Preparedness: The Five Aspects Of Readiness

2007-08-10T00:31:00.000-07:00

A classic 70’s tune gives us the lyrics, “She ran calling ‘Wildfire’…..” Then a love song, but today, possibly the beginnings of an action / adventure / horror movie. With rainfall low, and temperatures and winds high, the wildfires we’re currently battling across the country are heavily taxing our first responder assets. More fires will surely follow if these conditions continue.

First responder assets aside, these fires have affected local civilians. Thousands have evacuated, and many find nothing but charred vacant lots when they return. What are some innovative ways civilians can protect themselves, their property, and actually help firefighters in the process?

At the household level, most of us have smoke detectors. That’s good, because in a house fire, as in a wildfire, where there’s smoke, there’s F.L.A.M.E.:

Family – Something as massive as a wildfire will affect your whole family. Prepare them now.

Landscaping – Simple and subtle steps can make your property much more fire resistant.

Awareness – In an emergency, time is crucial. Stay aware of the threat and get the warnings early.

Moisture – Some say you fight fire with fire. We say you fight fire with water.

Evacuation – Even after taking all the other steps, a wildfire is something best avoided.

Family

A prepared and involved family is far more able to handle any type of disaster than those who wait for last-minute instruction. Therefore, one of the best things you can do for your family is to prepare them for one of the most common and least forgiving enemies; fire.

1. Take the family on a fire-safety tour through the house. Locate dangers such as overloaded electrical outlets and safety items such as extinguishers and escape routes.

2. In emergencies, redundancy is our friend. You should have more than one smoke detector, fire extinguisher, and escape route from rooms or the house. Hint: If you’re a heavy sleeper, buy a “baby monitor.” Put the transmitter near the farthest smoke detector and the receiver in your bedroom.

3. Make sure everyone in the family knows how to use a fire extinguisher, and how to call 911.

4. Have regular fire drills. Let each family member have a turn being the one who discovers the fire and who has to warn others. On at least every other drill, have everyone evacuate blind-folded on their hands and knees (while exercising due safety) to mimic the realistic conditions of a fire evacuation.

5. Revisit every family emergency plan with the whole family during wildfire season and certainly if one is in your area and possibly heading your way.

Landscaping

Though tragedies usually take the lead in newscasts, stories still abound of how some homeowners managed to protect their properties from wildfire by simple and subtle changes with their landscaping and home. Take these steps now, since in a fire, time is of the essence.

1. Your main landscaping consideration is to remove any dead, dry vegetation, whether on the ground or in your trees, that could transfer fire to your house. Since this aspect of wildfire preparedness has been adequately covered by others, here are a few good outside sources:

- General wildfire landscaping tips: http://www.firewise.org/resources/files/wildfr2.pdf

- Florida wildfire landscaping pointers: http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/pdffiles/FR/FR07600.pdf

- More on landscaping during wildfire season: http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/pdffiles/FR/FR04700.pdf

- Fire-resistant plants: http://web1.msue.msu.edu/emergency/pubs/wildfire_resistant.pdf

2. Be ready to seal your house before evacuating. Create covers for any opening on your home such as attic vents (roof turbines can be covered with metal trash cans), crawlspace openings, etc. Gather your material (such as plywood) and cut, paint, and label (where it goes) each cover now, keeping them stored on your property for immediate use. Put a couple of hooks over each opening you might cover and drill corresponding holes in the plywood covers. The hooks will hold the cover in place while you drill in the screws. This allows one person to do the job and frees up others to perform other necessary tasks. Hint: Also make covers for your windows (including garage door windows) just as if you lived in a hurricane zone.

3. Create a “fire tool box” and include everything needed to prep your house in advance of a wildfire. Store extra garden hoses, water sprinklers, “Y” connectors for extra hoses, wrenches to turn off your gas, rolls of heavy-duty aluminum foil (to cover the openings you didn’t make covers for), machetes and gloves for last minute brush clearing, etc. Store extra tools because you won’t have time to replace tools that might have been broken or lost.

4. Make sure first responders can see your home’s address. Put your house number on your mailbox, near your front door, and painted on the curb by your driveway.

Awareness

A common theme in all our publications and presentations is the fact that in an emergency, our most crucial asset is time (see our other articles at http://www.disasterprep101.com). The two key elements of time in a wildfire are one, to have as much done in advance as possible, and two, get as early a warning as possible.

1. Don’t wait for a wildfire to approach to start your landscaping. Perform that now and keep your property as fire-retardant as you can.

2. Don’t wait for the smell of smoke to warn you a fire is on its way. If fire conditions are right, monitor news channels and listen for community warnings.

3. Learn to recognize your community warnings. Does your community have a reverse 911 system? Sirens? Will the local TV or radio station broadcast the alert? If your community doesn’t have any of these systems, why not start them in your neighborhood? At the very least, have a phone tree.

4. Buy an NOAA Weather Alert Radio since they’re being incorporated into the overall Emergency Alert System. You should also know who your local Ham Radio operators are. See http://www.arrl.org

Moisture

Water is the king of firefighting and fire suppression substances. The best protection for your property lies in your ability to keep a “dome” of moisture in one form or another all over and around your home.

1. One publication under “landscaping” above lists beneficial plants that hold their moisture well. Regardless of the types of plant life in your yard, keep them well hydrated (while following watering ordinances).

2. When setting up your sprinklers, give your yard adequate spray coverage, especially over areas that might worsen the fire such as an above-ground propane tank or wooden deck attached to your house. The best sprinkler for surface areas is the professional directional type rather than the small garden variety that only sprays a weak pattern over a small area. Your garden store rep can help.

3. Put sprinklers on your roof, being sure to anchor them in place since the high winds generated in some wildfire wind storms can blow them off the roof.

4. If you have an in-ground sprinkler system, great! It will give you even water coverage over the grounds and provide a good foundation for the comprehensive water system you’ll need. To your in-ground system add separate “fire” lines that feed water to sprinklers that either spray directly against your house, or outward from your yard to cover vegetation surrounding your property. Too, have a sprinkler line permanently installed on your roof to save you the time of manually putting sprinklers up there. Also, install an additional input valve to allow water from a secondary source like a water pump drawing from your swimming pool.

5. If you have a pool, pond, well, or creek, you have a reservoir that should be put to good use so you don’t draw off the municipal water firefighters need to prevent fire from nearing your property in the first place. It’s a simple matter to keep a gas-powered generator (which self-reliant families should have) and a water pump (such as a pressure-washer), and use the two to draw water from your pool and feed it to your sprinklers. If you have a well with an electric pump, hook your generator to the pump to keep it running should local power fail. Exercise caution when setting up your generator so it doesn’t start its own fire.

6. A final consideration with sprinklers is position. Cover the outer perimeter of your yard, spray against the outer walls and roof of your house, and cover the crowns of your trees if possible. Also, consider outward-pointing sprinklers anchored to an elevated position such as an upper floor deck or porch, or your roof.

Evacuation

We strongly recommend evacuation, even if you’ve taken all the above steps and feel they might work. It’s best that you be pre-prepped and ready to leave at a moment’s notice since time is our most valuable asset. The more ready you are in advance, the more time you have.

1. All your landscaping steps should be taken care of now and maintained, especially during fire season.

2. In wildfire-prone areas, and especially during wildfire season, keep your bugout kits and vehicle ready at all times (with fuel tanks topped off). Hint: With your documents, keep the non-emergency numbers for local authorities so you can call to find out when it’s safe to return.

3. Perform last-minute landscaping ONLY if time allows, since you’ll want extra time to perform the household shutdown steps. However, don’t do anything until you’ve loaded your car with provisions and have nothing left to load but people and pets (in their carriers and/or ready to go).

4. Inside the house do the following:

- Move all flammables (such as furniture and curtains) away from windows making sure each is closed and latched. Lower and close any metallic blinds.

- Leave your fireplace damper open, and close the fireplace protective cover.

- Close all interior doors but don’t lock them.

- Turn off your heat/AC system, and cover any window air-conditioners or floor heater vents with aluminum foil and duct tape inside and out.

- Turn off all gas coming into the house whether from underground line or above-ground tank.

- Turn on inside and outside lights so your property is visible in heavy smoke. Firefighters may need to use it as a beacon.

5.To protect the valuables you don’t have room for in your evacuation vehicle, consider these:

- For waterproof valuables, put them in a bathtub, storage tub, or trashcan you’ve filled with water. (Notice we didn’t recommend your pool, since you should be using it to feed your sprinklers.)

- Large valuables such as antique furniture, etc. should be carried into the center of the house on the lowest floor (the same place you’d go in a tornado).

- Major appliances, such as your oven, fridge, freezer, dishwasher, clothes washer, and dryer, tend not to be consumed by flame or crushed by debris and thereby offer a protected storage location for other valuables. Hint: Disposable diapers are surprisingly flame resistant, and might be useful as wraps for some items stored in an appliance.

6.Lock up the house, leave a note on the door telling authorities you’ve evacuated, check with neighbors to make sure they’re on their way to safety, hop in your vehicle, and leave. Hint: If the area is getting smoky, listen to your radio for road closure information, turn your headlights on low, and set your climate controls to “re-circulate” so as not to draw in smoke from outside the vehicle.

Naturally, this is an article that could go for a few dozen more pages since it’s such an important topic and certainly one where we could offer extensive detail. For now, this will have to do. Will the above information make you fireproof and prevent any damage to your property? No. But it’s very likely to help, especially if you take these steps now. Taking these measures also helps firefighters since any time a wildfire is delayed or a home protected, you take one more item off the shoulders of first responders. Prep now, stay safe, and remember that preparedness is not only a social responsibility; it’s your only true protection.

Treat Your Kid To A Blue World Pool Swimming Pool

2007-08-10T00:29:00.000-07:00

Nothing is more relaxing then lounging in the blue waters of a swimming pool during the summer season. Undoubtedly relaxing in the cool blue water is wonderful, but if you have to do this in a public pool, this can be annoying as you will have to share the pool with strangers. The best solution out of this problem is to get a swimming pool installed in your own backyard to tide over the heat this summer. Get a reputed and trusted swimming pool dealer like Blue World Pool to install the swimming pool for you. A swimming pool is an outlet through which not only can you relax and lounge but to also take part many other fun activities as well. But until you get the swimming pool installed at your place, you will never know this. Why don’t you talk about this to one of your friends who has a swimming pool installed at his place?

A swimming pool has many advantages and if you are thinking of installing a pool at your house, you must weigh the various options. Don’t install the swimming pool at your house, just because this is the craze these days. Try to analyze all the pros and cons of installing a swimming pool. After that, if you find that installing a swimming pool is the best financial decision you can make, you must then go right ahead and install the swimming pool from the reputed dealer Blue World Pools. This dealer operates in many cities across the United States and to enlist their services, you just need to make a phone call. Make a wise choice about the size, shape and color of the swimming pool. The color must coordinate with the interiors of your house and enhance the beauty of your house.

If you have small kids at home, they will be the one’s who benefit the most by the swimming pool. It goes without saying that kids love to play with water, and if they have a swimming pool installed at their house, undoubtedly they will be overjoyed. Now what better then a swimming pool to temp your little one to stay indoors during the hot summer season. That’s not all

Remember Those Words, "You'll Get Yours!" - This is Payback Time

2007-08-10T00:28:00.001-07:00

As children our parents may have said, “you’ll get yours!” Or used such terms as “payback time.” That cuddly little baby came along and you made it through the “terrible two’s” and early parts of childhood. You went through the potty training. You survived the tantrums while shopping when the little ones wanted everything they saw and would start screaming when they didn’t get it. You tried shouting at your child and found that this works as well as driving your car with its horn. Soon things are going much smoother and you are finding it easier to love your child. You are now thinking that “payback time” was not so bad. It looks as if you have trained some very well mannered children that know you are the boss and they better listen up or else. Once again, I hate to remind you folks but you also have the joy of puberty and adolescence to look forward to. Now, I realize you were a perfect child and never gave your parents a bit of trouble. You never back-talked, fibbed, snuck out of the house or did anything else that your parents should be upset about. I understand just where you are coming from, for I was a perfect child too. Now my brother and sisters, I know they gave our parents plenty of trouble but me, I was just the one that got grounded or spanked when they did something wrong. Now with your child it will be different than it was with you.

As your cute little darling is going through the adolescent years you are going to have some very trying times. Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all of the answers. This is the time they are going to do all of those things that we don’t want to admit that we did. You will tell them not to snack before supper and a little while later you catch them with a cookie and soda pop in their hand. “But mom, I caught the dog with the soda and cookie and I was just putting them away.” You catch them sneaking into the house at midnight when you had sent them off to bed at 9PM. “But dad, I heard a noise outside and was just checking on the cat.” You ask, “Did you do your homework this afternoon?” “Oh yes,” they reply, but the next day you get a call from the school, only to find out that no homework has been turned in for the last two weeks. Over time, you try all types of punishment from taking privileges away, grounding and spanking (yes, the good old spanking does still go on in some homes, but nothing seems to work. Suddenly you are starting to think that my parents were right and I am getting mine.

The adolescent continues to defy you and you keep fighting back. Remember this is adolescence, an age when the children are trying to bring up their parents. Don’t fret, you are lucky, for in 8 to 10 years they should be through this stage, and time does seem to go by fast when you are having fun.

While puberty and the teen years are often spotted with periods of hell for the parents, it is also a magnificent time. A time when what was once no more than just a seed (egg) and a bit of fertilizer (sperm) has started to develop into a beautiful flower. I know you will have days when you think of them more as a vegetable or weed than a flower but this is normal, so don’t fret, just survive.

If we can think back as far as our own puberty and adolescent years, we will remember that there were periods of hell for us, too. Our bodies were making some horrific changes that we probably did not completely understand. In all honesty, if we were placed under hypnosis, we would probably find out that we, too, were rebellious.

It isn’t easy to change from a child to an adult, something that we didn’t choose. The chemicals in our bodies called hormones made this choice. As we are going through these changes we are doing a lot of questioning, we start to get a bit of hair under our arms and on our crotch and we think that we are now grown up and should be treated as an adult. We want to do things our way and not be told how we should to it. The word “no” is not in our vocabulary, at least when our parents or other adults tell us that we shouldn’t do something.

You will have times when your teenager has episodes of anger and negativity in which they slam doors and scream tirades. According to experts, most puberty-driven “snit fits” last and average of 15 minutes, it just seems like longer because they are doing it off and on for about 15 years. I think my parents were right and there is such a thing as “payback time!”

5 Natural Stress Relief Techniques for Children

2007-08-10T00:27:00.002-07:00

Is your child stressed out? Some people think only adults experience stress, but it affects our children too. Here's how to help your child manage their emotions.

We often view our kids as happy-go-lucky beings without a care. But children can also experience stress. Not only do they get anxious about things in their own young world--school, friends, peer pressure--but they also can be deeply affected by outside factors such as war, natural disasters and other unsettling world events.

In fact, the list of contributors to childhood stress can be quite long. Many stressors are the result of family problems, like divorce, a death or a parent's job loss but there are also less obvious triggers such as moving to a new city or the birth of a new sibling.

As a parent, you can become attuned to what's a normal amount of anxiety for your child and what is not. If you notice anything out of the ordinary, use the following tools to help your child handle it better.

Tuning into Anxiety Attack symptoms

1. Tune in to their moods.

Pay attention to your child's behavior. Take the time to talk to your child to get to the root of the problem. Ask questions like "How are you feeling?" "What's happening at school?" or "How are things with your friends?"

When you show concern for their problems and issues, it's reassuring to them and they'll be more responsive to that attention.

2. Watch the same shows they do.

If you have younger children, you certainly don't want them watching the doom and gloom of daily news shows. Children's minds are like sponges in they absorb almost everything they see or hear.

They are especially sensitive to negative energy, pain or suffering. Shows like the news can be traumatizing and anxiety-producing for younger children.

It's important to discuss with them what they've seen. You can't tell them that it's never going to happen to them but you can say,"We're going to do everything we can to protect you". It's also a good idea to let them know whom to call and what to do in case of an emergency.

3. Focus on the positive.

There is obviously no way a child can be shielded from a major trauma such as a death in the family, a house fire or a natural disaster. Instead, help children count their blessings. Comfort and reassure them by saying, "We're strong and we're going to make it." "And as difficult as it may be, try to maintain everyday routines.

For many young victims of floods or fire, for example, going back to school, even in another city, can help bring some normalcy back to their disrupted lives. What can also help is to make sure children have positive outlets like physical activity, going to the movies or spending time with friends.

4. Lead by example.

Children often learn to deal with stress by mimicking how you respond in challenging times. Even if you don't tell your child that you're about to be laid off from your job or that you're worried that your marriage is on the verge of breaking up, they can still pick up on your stress.

They may not understand the underlying causes but they can hear the strained tone and elevated volume of your voice,which gives them the message that something's going on that may affect them too.

That's why it's so important to show them good coping skills. If you light a cigarette, have a drink, or use foul language when you're under pressure, your little one may internalize that as a coping method.

Instead, model healthy behavior during difficult times, such as writing in a journal, de-stressing in a hot bath, sharing how you feel
without blaming, or taking a walk.

5. Instill confidence.

When children are young, there are times when you will have to come to their defense and help them handle tough situations. But as they get older, you also have to let them champion themselves, which builds their confidence in their ability to resolve problems on their own.

One of your missions as a parent is to know when to step in and when to stand back. Your response will depend on the child's temperament, maturity and the situation.

For example, your third grader may be able to confront a taunting classmate on their own, but a serious case of bullying may warrant your intervention.

Still, always make sure your child knows you've got their back. Tell them, "Try it on your own first,but if you need help,let me know and I'll be there."

To Your Great Life and Health...

Teach Youngsters the Meaning of Christmas With 5 Sensory Activities

2007-08-10T00:27:00.001-07:00

Christmas is about family. Here is a collection of five crafts that you can make as a family to teach the true meaning and symbols of Christmas. Children will learn to identify Christmas using their five senses: sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. Pick and choose the activities you think your family will best enjoy, and spread them throughout the season. Start new traditions. Most importantly, use the activities to talk as a family.

Sight Activities

Take a Christmas Lights Drive: Pile everyone in the van after dark and tour your city or a nicely decorated neighborhood. Some cities will have a town center that will be lit up. Ask your children which decorations are their favorites and why. Talk about how the twinkling lights resemble the stars. Remind them that on the night Jesus was born a new star shone in the sky, announcing his birth to the whole world. Even people in different countries knew the Christ-child was born, and some wise men traveled to find him.

Sound Activities

Christmas Caroling: Delight your neighbors by singing on their doorsteps, or just gather around the piano and sing as a family. You may even attend a community “sing-in,” or another recital, or watch one on TV. Christmas carols and caroling have a somewhat obscure history. Indeed, in many countries any jovial celebrating of the holiday was outlawed until the 1700s! Caroling can be traced back to England around this period, and it was a community event. Groups would go house to house, singing in exchange for eggnog or wassail. Caroling fosters a feeling of community as we reach out to others and spread joy. Some of the most popular carols to sing are Silent Night, Jingle Bells, and We Wish you a Merry Christmas.

Smell Activities

Trim the tree: Like holly, the evergreen reminds us that life will come again. The pine aroma fills our heart and mind with hopes of the year to come. If you use an artificial tree in your home, you can take your children on a walk through a Christmas tree lot. You can hang a swag, or even a branch with a fragrant pinecone.

Taste Activities

Peppermint Candy Canes: As you enjoy a candy cane with your family, point out the symbols of the shepherd’s crook, and the colors. Red represents Jesus’ sacrifice, and white is for his purity. When turned upside-down, the shape also becomes a “J,” which can also be a reminder that Christmas is a time to remember Jesus. The mint flavoring also has seasonal significance. Hyssop, a plant in the mint family, was used in Old Testament times to purify (or cleanse) oneself. Peppermint might now remind us of Jesus’ purity.

Touch Activities

Snow Angels: After a good snowfall, bundle everyone up and walk to the park or your own backyard. Demonstrate how to make snow angels by falling backward into a fresh bank. Sweep straightened arms and legs back and forth to create the wings and gown of the angel. Stand up carefully and admire everyone’s work. When the family is back indoors talk about the angel Gabriel’s visit to Mary, when she found out she would soon give birth to the baby Jesus. Also talk about the angel who visited the shepherds on the night Jesus was born. He said to them, “Fear not, for I bring good tidings of great joy!” Although Christ was not really born in December, it is the time chosen to celebrate his birth. During the winter all the plants seem dead, but after Christmas the world gets closer to spring when all the flowers come back to life. Jesus’ birth was a promise that everyone who followed him would also live after death.

Fake or Fir : A Christmas Dilemma

2007-08-10T00:26:00.001-07:00

Every year families are confronted with the dilemma of whether to buy a live Christmas tree, or to invest in an artificial one. For some, the annual quest for “Thee Perfect Tree” is tradition, an important ritual to usher in the season, and to disregard this ceremony would be tantamount to boycotting Santa Claus. Others appreciate the convenience of a well-formed (albeit man-made) tree waiting in storage for them year to year. While it ultimately comes down to personal taste, there are some definite pros and cons one might want to consider before weighing in on the matter.

First, there is the question of cost. When they first came on the scene, artificial trees commanded staggering costs in comparison to live trees. However, consumers saw the price as an investment, since they would not be buying a tree again for several years. In that way, an artificial tree probably comes up less expensive in the end. Nowadays the cost of an artificial tree can vary from about the same you’d pay in a live tree lot, to several hundred dollars. Materials and size also account for the asking price.

The same can be said for live trees. Depending on whether you choose to cut down your own tree or buy a live, ball and burlapped, or otherwise containerized tree that can be planted after the holidays, you may pay anywhere from a few bucks to a few hundred. The disadvantage here is that you must still buy a new tree year after year—unless, of course you choose to decorate an outdoor tree. Tree species and size will also make a difference to your pocketbook.

The next subject up for debate is which choice is the most environmentally sound. Again, it all depends on the way you look at it. While artificial trees are reusable for several years, they are ultimately a petroleum-based product, the manufacturing of which takes its toll on the environment. Once an artificial tree is discarded there is little if any use for it, and most find their ways into landfills.

Live trees benefit the environment from beginning to end. Most are raised on farms, where they are tended for five to sixteen years before they are harvested. During these years they absorb carbon dioxide and other gases from the air and supply oxygen. Every acre of trees planted meets the oxygen needs of eighteen people! Christmas tree farms usually occupy stretches of land that won’t support other crops, and they provide scenic byways. Furthermore, these trees stabilize soil, protect water supplies, and provide refuge for wildlife. For every tree harvested, one to three saplings are planted. After the holidays are over live trees continue to benefit the environment when they are recycled into mulch or compost. Some creative individuals have also gathered Christmas trees and used them in various other ways benefiting their communities (see http://www.christmastree.org).

A third point up for consideration is the aesthetic. There can be no argument, artificial trees are manufactured to be balanced and beautiful—there is no need for trimming, nor for worrying about the tree dying before the big day arrives. Neither will you need to vacuum up fallen needles every other day, or change the water. Your hands won't get sappy from touching the branches either. There are a variety of sizes and styles, modeled after a variety of tree species to suit every taste. There are even trees equipped with lights, so that cords are not seen snaking through the branches!

In contrast, a live tree takes more work to look beautiful, but there is nothing that compares to the natural thick pine scent it gives your home! One whiff, and you feel good enough to bring out that vacuum for the twelfth time that day…

A final word concerns safety and storage issues. Bringing a live tree into your home and outfitting it with electric lights can be a real safety hazard, especially if the tree is allowed to dry up. Artificial trees are generally made from flame-resistant materials that require little care. What they do require is a storage space to spend the bulk of the year. If you have a decent-sized basement, this may be no problem. Many people actually store their trees fully decorated to save time! But if you live in a tight space without storage, you may have no choice but to opt for the more “disposable” option of a real tree.

As you can see, when it comes to fake or fir, the choice is personal. Hopefully we’ve given you some things to think about to help you decide the best solution for this annual dilemma.

A Pickle of a Tradition - Christmas

2007-08-10T00:25:00.000-07:00

As legend has it, in Germany parents decorate their Tannenbaums on Christmas Eve. The last ornament hung is die Weinachtsgurke—a delicate glass ornament in the shape of a pickle. This is a significant ornament, for the next morning the children will rush in to open their gifts from St. Nicholas. But the festivities can not begin until one of the children locates the elusive gherkin. The one who finds it gets to open the first gift, and may even receive an extra treat for his or her effort. So the story is told here in America. Glass Christmas Pickles are a popular ornament, and usually come with the curious legend tucked or printed on the box.

The oddest part about this legend is that it is virtually unknown in Germany. Nobody knows where it came from, or who started it. Well known is the fact that the decorating of Christmas Trees with lights, ornaments, and tinsel originated in Germany, but unless the Pickle Tradition was practiced in a remote region of the fatherland, it is likely that the legend was created at least in part by Americans, perhaps of German descent. There are several stories floating around about how the tradition may have started.

One rumor tells of a Bavarian-born Union soldier fighting in the Civil War named John Lower (or perhaps Hans Lauer) who was captured and sent to prison in Georgia. In poor health and starving, the prisoner begged for just one pickle before he died. A merciful guard took pity and found him a pickle. Miraculously, John lived, and after he returned home he began the tradition of the Christmas Pickle, promising good fortune to the one who found the special ornament on Christmas Day.

If this story seems a bit stretched, there is a second story being perpetuated in Berrien Springs, Michigan, where 24% of the population report German ancestry. Residents claim that hundreds of years ago two young Spanish boys, when traveling home from boarding school one Christmas Eve, sought refuge for the night at an inn. Here they encountered a cantankerous inn-keeper who trapped them in a pickle barrel. When St. Nicholas stopped at the inn that evening he sensed their distress and tapped the barrel with his staff, magically freeing them. Whether this story is true or not, Berrien Springs calls itself The Christmas Pickle Capital of the World.

The first ornaments used by Germans to decorate Christmas Trees were fruits, particularly apples, and nuts. These, along with the evergreen tree itself, represented the certainty that life would return in the spring. In the mid-eighteen hundreds, a few enterprising individuals living in the village of Lauscha (in the present-day state of Thuringen) began selling glass ornaments. Using fruit and nut molds at first, they eventually branched out, adding thousands of molds to their repertoire: angels, bells, saints, hearts, stars, and so on. Still, there is no evidence of their having made a pickle, or of the pickle tradition ever being practiced in Lauscha or any other German village.

Wherever the legend came from, the Christmas Pickle Tradition is here to stay. Several German glass ornament makers have capitalized on the story and offer a variety of gherkins, dills and cucumbers (some even donning cheery Santa caps!), perpetuating the myth even as their German neighbors vehemently deny having ever heard of it. Whatever the origin, the tradition is sure to bring a hearty dose of Christmas cheer. And isn’t that the point?

18 Hilarious Parenting Quotes to Celebrate Parents' Day

2007-08-10T00:24:00.002-07:00

Parents' Day is right around the corner and what better way to celebrate than with some funny and humorous parenting quotes? After all, if there's one thing parents deserve, it's a good laugh every now and then. These 18 hilarious parenting quotes are sure to crack smiles on the faces of moms and dads everywhere.

1. "A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes." ~ Russell Lynes

2. "The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable." ~ Lane Olinhouse

3. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." ~ Erma Bombeck

4. "Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope." ~ Bill Cosby

5. "You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." ~ Franklin P. Jones

6. "Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own." ~ Doug Larson.

7. "A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." ~ Bill Vaughan.

8. "In the little world in which children have their existence, whosoever brings them up, there is nothing so finely perceived and so finely felt as injustice." ~ Charles Dickens

9. "It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner." ~ Ben Bergor

10. "The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy." ~ Author Unknown

11. "Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy." ~ Michelle Pfeiffer

12. "The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." ~ Bill Cosby

13. "Mothers are all slightly insane." ~ J.D. Salinger

14. "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." ~ Calvin Trillin

15. "If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" ~ Milton Berle

16. "Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare." ~ Ed Asner

17. "Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." ~ Peter Ustinov

18. "Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes." ~ Joyce Armor

Ode to the Road (The Road Trips of our Lives)

2007-08-10T00:24:00.001-07:00

Recently, in the early morning dawn, I dreamed I was a child again, helping my parents to pack up our white Rambler for our annual summer vacation. When I awoke, I had a yen to pack up my car and take off. This feeling is not unfamiliar to me. It reoccurs every summer and seems to be imbedded in my subconscious by wonderful, childhood vacation memories.

I encourage you to take a sentimental journey by reminiscing on your own childhood family vacations, and then on trips taken later on in your life. Although you might not remember what you did last week, vacation memories are often surprisingly vivid even those from long ago. Road trips reflect how we viewed life at various ages and stages of our life. Take time out to remember the excitement you felt as a child, a young adult and perhaps as a parent-as you left your every day routine behind to explore and share exciting new places with your family.

Childhood Vacations: The most wonderful thing about our childhood vacations is spending time together with our parents, brothers, and sisters. At no other time is a family more of a cohesive unit than when traveling together-especially on a road trip.

When I was a child, our family vacations were spent in the beautiful outdoors. I loved being near the water and fondly recall lakeside vacations that were spent water skiing, swimming, and boating. Reminisce on the places and activities that kept you happily occupied on your childhood vacations. These memories hold the key to places and interests that are just waiting to be rediscovered.

Teen and Young Adult Years: Life is exhilarating and we're likely to impetuously seize opportunities to independently travel with our friends, rather than our parents. Problematic scenarios such as running out of money or having car trouble are the furthest things from our mind. Looking back at my own naivety and lack of sensibility reminds me why I question the judgment of my teenage daughter. Mark Twain's quote could certainly have been written by me, "Providence protects fools and idiots. I know because I have tested it."

The Parenting Years: Anticipating problems becomes very important to us when we're parents and the well-being of our precious cargo is foremost on our minds. Parents have the responsibility of planning, packing, and paying for their family's trip as well as making sure that it's fun and safe. Vacations can be quite arduous, especially when our kids are young. And yet-the memories of those family vacations will warm your heart and make you smile for years and years to come. And one day your kids will remember their wonderful family vacations and pass the legacy on to their own children.

The Kids are Grown: My most recent road trips demarcate a new phase in my life. With all three of my children over the age of 18, I've returned to the days when I can take spur of the moment road trips. They are as exhilarating today as they were when I was young, but now I have the common sense that I lacked as a teenager. For the first time in decades, I've taken childfree trips with my husband and several of my friends. I've also taken several long distance road trips by myself. If you need to clear your mind or get your creative juices flowing, I highly recommend that you take a road trip on your own. The task of driving occupies enough of the left-brain to free your right-brained creativity. Solo road trips can be a spiritual journey, helping us to learn to listen to ourselves. We can stop whenever we like, wherever we like, for as long as we like. And it gives us the opportunity to reminisce on the road trips of our lives.

Dealing with Alzheimer’s in the Family

2007-08-10T00:23:00.002-07:00

Family members of Alzheimer’s patients often find themselves in the unforeseen role of caregiver, assuming the daunting responsibility of helping a loved one perform the routine responsibilities of daily life. The effects of Alzheimer’s disease impact not only the patient, but can wreak emotional havoc on family members who are caring for the patient. Alzheimer’s patients are commonly disoriented with their environments and can exhibit erratic, challenging behaviors, including angry outbursts and even physical aggression. A person with Alzheimer’s disease experiences progressive loss of mental capacity that causes severe personality changes, which takes an emotional and physical toll on his or her family members.

When caring for a family member with Alzheimer’s disease, it is important to remain calm and maintain your patience. The damage that Alzheimer’s disease does to the brain can cause patients to react disproportionately to situations, as is the case when a patient has an outburst of rage in response to an otherwise trivial event. In such situations, it is important that the caregiver does not take the behavior personally and maintains composure so as not to perpetuate the patient’s negative mental state. Keeping notes about the situations leading to outbursts can give you valuable insight into their prevention in the future, as the patient may simply be reacting to fear or a feeling of a lack of control. Maintaining composure during a patient’s angry outburst can be a trying duty, but it is important to remember that this behavior is not intentional and should not be taken personally.

Combative or otherwise defiant behavior can be a form of nonverbal communication, so being intuitive about the needs of the Alzheimer’s patient can help a caregiver deal with the demands that are being placed on him or her. By attempting to determine the sincere need behind a patient’s erratic reaction, you can address the problem and appease your loved one while fulfilling his or her needs. Do not forget that your communication style and mood also affect the patient. Bear in mind that the patient’s circumstances have caused a decreased ability to understand speech, and you should therefore speak in a peaceful, quiet tone while talking slowly and using simple sentences.

If you are the sole caretaker of a family member that has Alzheimer’s disease, seeking assistance from other family members or professionals is a good way to help ease your burden. Remember, the patient’s well being is the ultimate purpose and you may need a break to restore a composed mindset such that you can provide optimal care to your loved one.

Hurricane Season 2007 – Are You Prepared?

2007-08-10T00:23:00.001-07:00

The 2007 Atlantic Hurricane Season is now upon us. And for those of us in the Southeast Region of the United States, it is a time when we begin to think – how bad is it going to be this season?

Although 2006 was a relatively calm year with only 2 named storms hitting the U.S., the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) Climate Prediction Center is projecting a much more active Atlantic Hurricane Season for 2007. Based on the current oceanic surface temperatures, the scientists are predicting between 13 and 17 named storms, 7 to 10 of which will become hurricanes, and of those 7 to 10, 3 to 5 could be major hurricanes, a Category 3 or higher.

If the predictions are true, we only have to look back to 2005 to realize what we may have to look forward to here in Florida. We had widespread evacuations. Many of us experienced days, even weeks without electricity. There was property damage and destruction everywhere. If it happens again, are you prepared?

If you haven’t done so already, now is the time to get your family ready in case a disaster strikes. Waiting for the first hurricane watch is too late. The Florida Division of Emergency Management website has an excellent online Family Disaster Planning tool which can be found at -

http://www.floridadisaster.org/family

With it, you can create a personalized Family Plan, which will include:

* Amount of food and water needed for your family and pets
* Evacuation maps
* Local emergency contact information

The system creates checklists of recommended items and specific quantities of water based on your size family. It also emphasizes the importance of keeping copies of important documents such as insurance papers, birth certificates, and bank account numbers in a dry, plastic container for easy retrieval.

But what if disaster does strike your family home

When Disability Is the Lesser Evil

2007-08-10T00:22:00.002-07:00

You would not want it to happen to you, you would not even want to think of the possibility of being a subject thereof. However, if you were in the saddest situation of being placed in a scenario to choose the lesser evil then in all probability you would choose to be a victim of a disability than experience death from the same cause.

This untimely loss of life and limb by an individual has rippling effects that would rattle not merely the personal life of the victim but more so those people who are actually dependent upon the person who passed away for much needed emotional, social, and financial support.

Life as they say is much unexpected. It is characterized by its dynamism and continuous adoption to change and its volatile structure. You can never have a clue whether a very healthy individual could actually be the subject of an accident that is so sudden and unexpected that you would be left in awe on the outcome that happened. The worst part of being the relative of a person who died because of a negligent case is that you are actually not prepared in handling such sudden loss. Hence, while you still have all the possible ways of preparing for such demise do so by acquiring the services Survivor Benefits Attorneys.

A cause of action is of course always available to the individual, particularly his successors in interest. But what use is a cause of action if you do not exercise it in the proper opportune time, or that your right has already expired because you failed to exercise the same.

You have already been the victim of negligence you are thus far smarter to know that being negligent in the filing of your claim would actually prejudice your cause of action. Survivor Benefit Attorneys know how to protect and promote your rights given the situation that you are in. They know until when will you have a fighting chance for your cause of action and what acts should be avoided to have a timely cause of action filed for settlement.

Do not let the life of your loved one go to waste, fight for his legacy, fight for the last drop of assistance he may be able to provide, fight for what he fought for. Give all that you could give to prevent another life sacrificed because of negligence.

Violence in Our Homes

2007-08-10T00:22:00.001-07:00

The family is considered as the basic unit of the society. It is an inviolable social institution, which for all intents and purposes, is safeguarded by the state with all its pervasive powers and coercive mechanism. The family has in fact been so important in our present society, that marriage is actually a foundation of the family has been protected with much zeal by the state.

When man and woman comes into a conglomeration with each other, it is assumed that they are already one, and not even the mere acquiescence of the parties, or the volition of one party could have such contract be eradicated. Yet notwithstanding the same, it is not a bolted lock that would last a lifetime even if it would no longer be healthy to the family whose interest it was suppose to foster. The marriage bonds may be broken if the union has already been plagued with envy, angry, hatred, and violence. Domestic violence has been abundant in our society today. Psychologists view it as a way of showing one’s control over a family, and to show who actually must be followed and who owns and manipulates the same.

It is a showing of territorial control prevalent among lower forms of animals, that is, with the expression of violent acts on the beings within his territorial domain, the predator acts in such a vicious manner to maintain his control thereof, and thus, legitimizes his rule. This is the picture being painted in domestic violence among members of the family. The father, which usually is the culprit in these types of offenses, has a constant drive to show that he has a control over his wife and his flock, showing his power by hurting his wife, or even to the extent of hurting his children, or other people in the household.

Domestic violence is a dreaded offense. Not only would it amount to lose of parental authority, it may also be considered as a criminal offense which can be penalized by imprisonment, or if circumstances led to more drastic effects then the penalty of death. A person shall be liable for all the consequences of his act whether the wrongful act done be different from that which he intended. That has been the constant rule when it comes to our courts of law. Hence, if a person causes the death of another by reason of a domestic violence then he would be liable thereof even the wrongful act done was not what he supposedly and originally intended.

Retiring At An Opportune Time

2007-08-10T00:21:00.002-07:00

Science has its advantages that would actually find solutions to problems which ten, twenty years ago would not have been thought to be solved. So compelling are recent discoveries in fact that even the natural process of aging is readily disrupted and no evidence of degeneration brought about by age may be prevalent.

But notwithstanding the emergence of science as a vital force in changing the course of time, still it is of no moment when it comes to finding the proper timing in retiring. Age which is the single factor in considering whether an employee would retire or not cannot be disregarded by science. True, science may find a way of finding a cure for the physical manifestations of age, it may also be an avenue for finding the proper formula in extending the lifetime of one’s tissues and muscles. But still, it cannot in any way stop another immortal element which is time.

Your age determines the most opportune time in retiring. It spells the difference between obtaining the complete benefits afforded by retirement, and it also serves as the single determining factor to know how much benefit you are actually eligible to have. Much to an employee’s expectations, his age actually determines how he may be perceived in the workplace, even taking for granted his efficiency in performing what is incumbent upon him, or how well he actually performs. It can even be utilized as a ground for the termination of an employee, which may be solely based on his age at that particular instance.

Age may be a factor that may operate as advantageous or detrimental to an employee. The matter of using the same is actually wholly dependent in the employee. As like any other consideration in retiring, it must be utilized at the most opportune time, that point when all the benefits of employment is now available to an employee. The most important part is that, when everything falls into their own proper places, age must not be considered as a downfall but an employees ally.

You Can Put Your Eye Out That Way

2007-08-10T00:21:00.001-07:00

A couple of weeks ago we celebrated Independence Day in America, complete with fireworks. This reminded me of when I was a youth and enjoyed setting off fireworks myself. I always found the instructions printed on fireworks rather amusing which said simply, "Put on ground, light fuse, run away." I didn't know exactly where they wanted me to run away to, I had already been to the circus, so I just stood back a few feet and watched the firecracker explode.

Fireworks drives mothers crazy, and I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard my mother warn me, "You can put your eye out that way." I think this was the standard warning for just about anything I did, be it riding a bicycle, playing baseball, swimming, running, or breathing. It is the first cardinal rule each mother must learn in order to bear children. I wasn't alone either, all of my friends' mothers admonished them with this same expression regularly. So much so, that we thought our mothers had formed a conspiracy or some secret society for the sole purpose of maintaining our eyesight.

The power of mothers is rather interesting. Years ago, Jay Leno commented that mothers had the uncanny ability to sniff out just about anything, even better than a bloodhound, such as your secret copy of Playboy you kept stashed away in your bedroom. Back before the Iraq war started, he said we should not have wasted time sending in a team of UN delegates to look for weapons of mass destruction since they never found anything. Instead, they should have sent in a team of mothers who would have pulled Saddam Hussein out by the ear and cleaned up the situation right away. It would have probably saved us all a lot of grief.

Mothers are full of little axioms they use to keep us in line, but I have to think, "You can put your eye out that way," has to be their favorite with "Stop it or you'll go blind" coming in a close second.

The Farrell Clan History

2007-08-10T00:20:00.003-07:00

Farrell being, by far, the most common spelling is thus the name for the clan is the Anglicized form of the Gaelic name Fearghail (fear man + gal valour), (source: "A Dictionary of Surnames". Oxford, 1994.), King of Conmacne who was slain by the Danes in A.D. 1014 at the Battle of Clontarf (NE Dublin).

The O'Fearghails were one of the four chief clans of the Conmacne {race of Conmac (son of legendary Fergus MacRoigh and Queen Maedhbh (Maeve)}. They were the princes of Annaly (roughly the Irish midlands); their chief seat of power was Longphort Ui' Fearghail (O'Farrell's fortress) (present-day Longford town). (source: "Farrell Clan-a brief history" by Hugh Farrell).

The clan lost most of their lands during the colonial confiscations of James I in the early 17th century, with many of the clan members becoming tenants of the new English and Scottish landlords in what was now County Longford.

The Farrells have been associated with this midland region for almost 1,000 years. The Farrell Clan lost its control of the area just over 300 years ago when they were forced to take flight and lived abroad for 150 years, before returning to an uncertain future, the majority settling in County Longford and others settling elsewhere. Farrells are presently plentiful in the county, but the big numbers live elsewhere, mostly in Dublin.

Wedding Official Business

2007-08-10T00:20:00.001-07:00

Marriage is many things. They're fun, expensive and require a lot of planning, but a wedding is also first a legal matter. And as such, there are steps the couple must preform so that the union is recognizable in the eyes of the law. They'll need a wedding license, but before that, the bride must make an important decision – to except her future husband's surname or continue to use her maiden name.

You'd think that a name was just a name and changing it wouldn't be such a big deal, but it really is. During previous generations whether or not a woman changed her last name was something that wasn't given a second thought. The woman took her husband's name and that was that. But recently, women have challenged this tradition. There is no law that says a woman's last name must change in marriage, so really this decision is a matter of personal choice.

For those women who go a head and change their last names, the process to change isn't hard, but it can take time. Besides making the changes with the federal Social Security Administration, which thats where it all begins, a woman must also change the name on all her certificates, her credit card accounts, her bank and all financial/insurance related documents, utilities bills, property deeds, clubs at which she is part of and at her work – not only for Human Resource and erning tax purposes, but so that a new email address and new business info can be created.

And while you're going through the process of changing your name, you might want to consider changing your address, too. You've just got to double-check the timing. If it dont turn out right, you can take a change of address kit easily enough and complete this when you come back from the honeymoon. It's not really necessary to begin the process of changing your name until about 2 weeks before your wedding, so do whatever makes most sense.

One other aspect of the name change process that requires careful timing is planning your honeymoon. You might be better off making your reservations using your maiden name if you won't have official identification (or an updated passport) with your new name ready before you leave. You don't have to experience any unnecessary delays.

When dealing with the marriage license, be sure to check the requirements in your state of residence ahead of time. Each state will vary with some states requiring one or more witnesses and others requiring blood tests and/or physical exams, and others requiring something else such as a waiting period. Regardless of the state, you are going to pay for a marriage license. Costs will range from a low of $25 to a high of $100 or more. You'll both need to be present and you'll likely need to bring a birth certificate and proper identification.

Then breathe a sigh of relief, because you're almost there!

When Painful Things Happen To Great People

2007-08-10T00:19:00.001-07:00

Sarah Jane was a typical 9 year old girl with a very untypical question. Having just lost her closest friend to cancer, in the midst of her tearful, half hidden face, Sarah Jane sobbed out the question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

Like Sarah Jane, each of us experiences situations where we feel the pains of life's circumstances. For Sarah Jane it was losing a close friend to cancer, but for many of us it can be the pain experienced when someone spreads hurtful gossip about us, abuses us, betrays us, or simply jerks us around in life. Those circumstances might result in our losing a job, a friend, a love interest, a business deal, or the creation of a rift between family members. The pain we feel is very real, very deep, and sometimes very private. Most people near us don't understand the scope, or the depth of the pain we carry as a result of the emotional wounding we've experienced.

There are varying degrees of pain we often feel in response to situations inflicted upon us by life, or by people. Some levels of pain are small, some are not. For some, there are situations where the wound is so deep, they end up struggling to know how to get out from under the deep inner pain that results. It's in the midst of a surrounding, choking pain that many people struggle, not knowing what to do, or how to cope.

There are key steps that help us deal with life's pain. First, we need to privately admit to ourselves, we've been hurt, or are hurting! Own it, and recognize that whenever we experience a change in life that results in a loss, no matter how big or small, we will go through a grieving process. It's important to start at a place of honesty, recognizing your pain for what it is.

Secondly, (and this step in the process, is not easy, for it often goes against our human nature) the next step if the cause of our pain is an offense, is to forgive our offender. By forgiving our offender, we are not letting him or her off the hook as far as consequences are concerned. By forgiving, we're letting our self off the hook. We are giving up any motivation or thought of revenge. When a person refuses to forgive, they choose to carry the pain, the anger, the bitterness, of the situation around with them every minute of the day and night. The situation becomes an emotional wound that festers like an emotional infection. Until we forgive our offender, our offender ends up owning our emotions.

The third step in our process of responding to life's deep hurt's is to find a "safe" friend and share our pain with them. We all have friends in our lives, but what do I mean by the term "safe friend"? Safe friends are friends who listen to you, are empathetic with you, can advise you, but the most important quality in a safe friend, is the person's ability to respect confidentiality. Not all friends are "safe friends". "Safe friends" are often few and far between. "Safe friends" can be a current friend, a counselor, a priest, a therapist, a law enforcement officer, someone who's been through a similar situation, or a person recommended to you by a friend who feels they simply can't help you but know of a better person who could.

Finally, at some point in our daily life, we need to carry on in life. If we don't carry on in life, then we're choosing to let our offender win, and we're choosing to be our offender's victim. While this can be difficult to hear when we're in the depths of a painful experience, being a "victim" is a choice, it's a mental state, and it can be terribly crippling. For those caught in a victim mentality, they are in the position of strength, for they can choose to no longer be a victim by removing themselves from the situation. If we are being abused or bullied by a person, and we remove our self from that situation, then our abuser or bullier has no more power over us.

Recently, a woman began to share her story of a serious internal family conflict with her brother. The situation was critical and she shared how she was considering using a gun as a solution against her abusive drug addicted sibling. Her pain was real, as was the abuse, but the use of a gun is never a solution, for it would haunt her in years to come at every family event. Her brother would end up owning her emotions from his grave. For this lady, her solution lay in forgiveness, then seeking out a "safe" friend in the law enforcement or legal community who could help her establish safe legal boundaries with this sibling. Those boundaries might take on the form of a drug rehabilitation intervention program, perhaps a restraining order, or jail time. While these boundaries might seem harsh for a family member to consider, in the presence of illegal drugs, harsh steps and strong boundaries must be respected. The establishing of proper boundaries is always a healthy life direction, and the best way for people to remove themselves from the role of a victim.

When life really hurts, there are positive solutions that empower us to live life to the fullest in spite of our wounding. As with Sarah Jane, in time, we can bounce back, we can smile again, we can laugh, and we can rise above the hurt we carry deep inside.

Don't Waste Your Time - Use it Wisely

2007-08-10T00:16:00.002-07:00

Do you waste time? Are you lazy and indolent or are you continuously on the go, using every minute to the maximum?

If you are in the first category, there are a lot of very obvious things you can do to improve, but in this article I want to concentrate on those of us who are already using our time constructively and examine how you can squeeze even more from your day.

You may think that your life is so full that this is impossible, but I recently ran an inventory of how I used my time and realised that there was still some room for improvement. Here's what I discovered.

Timespace #1 – For years I avoided doing any kind of exercise. It was pretty easy for me, I had been skinny all my life and even though I wasn't too fit, I was still the right weight. As I got older, though I realised that I had to take my body a bit more seriously.

Since then I have become a moderate, regular exerciser; I now go running for half an hour every second day and visit the gym three times a week. No problem there; I get satisfaction from using my time well and I appreciate the results.

However, I calculated that I am spending about five hours per week doing great things for my body, but nothing for my mind. So now when I'm pounding the streets or straining at the weights, I use the opportunity to listen to self development programs on my I-Pod, to concentrate on goal visualization, to practice affirmations or just focus on being grateful for all the good things in my life. And there's a bonus too; because the blood is racing through my veins, my brain is more alert and better prepared to learn and grow.

Timespace #2 – I drive a lot. My business requires a good deal of travel and most of it is done in the car. I used to listen to music on the radio or go into an almost trance-like ‘auto pilot' mode, usually to escape the tedium of long distance driving.

Now, though, I put a self development CD in the player, or a language course, or again, I use the time to practice visualizations and affirmations. The privacy of your little tin box allows you to shout, sing, laugh or mumble. Who cares? You are on your own. It's your space.

Timespace #3 – Finally, this one is not so much about finding extra time as making better use of the time I thought I was using wisely. My personal time audit showed me that I was wasting a whole hour, sometimes more, at the beginning of the day catching up on the overnight e-mail load and then planning what I was going to do for the rest of the day.

I prided myself on being an efficient time warrior, but I now realise, that I was missing one of the biggest mistakes of all.

So how did I fix that? Simple. I changed two things. Firstly, I now do my planning, the night before, by taking ten minutes, near to the end of the evening and writing down everything I want to achieve the next day. The bonus here is that overnight, my mind works on the issues even while I sleep, so by the time I get started next day, I am far better prepared.

Secondly, I leave my e-mail inbox until lunchtime. I spend the morning getting through the goals I assigned the night before and then just before I take a break for lunch, I race through my inbox. That way, I find I already feel good about what I've done so far in the day, my mind is much more focused and I don't get distracted.

So no matter how efficient you think you are, take a look again at your day and I'll bet you can find some extra layers of time, you never knew you had. Good hunting.

The Price of Freedom

2007-08-10T00:16:00.001-07:00

Isn't it wonderful to be free? Are you free; truly free? What is true freedom anyway? Is it the freedom to choose a mate, religion, profession or lifestyle? If you're privileged to enjoy all of them, can you honestly say that you feel free? Are you free from stress, abuse, self condemnation and unforgiveness?

The Israelites had been slaves for centuries. They had forgotten what it was to be free like patriarch, Abraham and have the privileges of Joseph, who had the highest honor under Pharaoh.

Once they were set free and saw all the miracles, they went back to the old attitudes and lifestyles they had been used to. They did not know how to handle freedom except by complaining about what they did not have.

God gave Moses the Ten Commandments in order to keep them from completely turning away from God. They had to live by every precept of the law, from circumcision to sacrifices, and what to eat and how to prepare their food. As long as they obeyed the law, they were be blessed. If they did not, they were cursed! (Deut. 28)

But, that was not God's best! He wants you to walk in the freedom of Abraham, in childlike faith. Abraham was not under any law. He knew God and was steadfast in faith until one day he wavered. He decided to give God a hand in bringing his promised son to birth.

Not walking in faith has consequences. God was not pleased. He had promised them a son, and it would not need to make sense. It just required simple, childlike faith! If God said it; then it would come to pass!

Abraham's two sons are representative of the two covenants: Ishmael, the Law of Moses; and Isaac, the New Covenant. The Law was a curse as it required doing works to get God's blessings.

Jesus, Abraham's physical and spiritual heir, became that curse by hanging on the cross, the symbol of a curse. (Gal. 4: 22 - 26) He did it so that all nations would have access to true Freedom through the Holy Spirit. (Gal. 3: 13 - 19) Whosoever believes in Him is free indeed. (John 8: 36)

Do you realize that you are, like Isaac, the spiritual child of Promise? As long as you think and live according to the flesh, you are in bondage to the things of the world.

Once you come to the realization that you "can do all things through Christ who strengthens you," (Phil. 4: 13) you know you're free! When the flesh is weak, the Spirit will help you soar over your problems!

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free. " (Gal. 5: 1) The new Covenant is the perfect law of liberty (Jas. 1: 25)

Pure religion is to show God's Love to those in distress, (Jas. 2: 27) and do His Will from the heart. (Eph. 6: 6)

"But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." (Heb. 11: 6)

Are you completely free? That is; can you release all your troubles to Him and know without a doubt that what He says in His Word He will do for you?

"Ho, everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come. Buy wine and milk without money and without price." (Isa. 55: 1)

I pray that you may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, forget the past, and embrace your freedom in Christ. (Phil. 4: 10; 13)

'My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4: 19)

Causes of Bed Wetting: Eat, Drink, and Wet the Bed

2007-08-10T00:15:00.001-07:00

Well, we're on a roll with causes of bed wetting theories. Here's one that seems to make sense. I'm still pretty much sold on the idea that it's a hereditary issue - but it seems like if there are other causes of bed wetting, they may be more controllable. If it's just heredity, you kind of have to wait it out until your child reaches the pre-set magical age of dryness. By nature not especially patient, the idea of waiting it out doesn't appeal to me.

So, here's what I've learned about the food and drink leading to bedwetting theory.

Chocolate

Oh no! Say it isn't so! Well, actually it's not necessarily the chocolate; it's the caffeine in chocolate that may cause bed wetting. What does caffeine do? It stimulates the body, including the bladder. So that evening cup of cocoa or slice of chocolate cake may be a problem. (Gosh, now I'm craving chocolate!)

Soda

Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles. Carbonation is rumored to do strange things to immature bladders. Actually, for any adults who drink soda, you know first-hand that a can of Coke is a ticket to the restroom. It's an effect that's compounded by caffeine - and the sugar's probably not helping matters either.

Oranges and Grapefruits

OK, if you've actually got a child who will eat grapefruit, I'd like to hear about it! But oranges are another story. I get a strange reaction when I eat oranges (and raw cranberries for some reason) - my face gets hot and I feel kind of funky. So, I'm assuming it's possible to be allergic to citrus. The citric acid is the most likely culprit. Try cutting back on the orange juice and citrus in your child's diet to see what happens.

Spicy Stuff

There are some spices out there that could probably be rated pharmaceutical grade. Think of the effect Chinese mustard has on your nose! No doubt some of these spices have an equivalent effect on the bladder. Salsa, Asian food, and other hot, hot, hot foods may be contributing to the bedwetting problem.

Food Allergies

I've heard of people whose children are allergic to everything from eggs to wheat, and have to say that dealing with bedwetting is nothing compared to the trouble they have to go through just to feed their children. Couple a serious food allergy with bedwetting, and it's enough to make you want to retreat to the bath tub for the next ten years! Some allergies cause bladder spasms - which of course, means a bedwetting accident. It's not just food, either. Some people are really sensitive to preservatives, dyes, and other additives. It doesn't seem that the only effect of a food allergy would be bedwetting, though. So don't throw out all your groceries just yet. But if your child has multiple challenges, it's something to consider. You may have to shop around for an allergist - so be prepared.

So what do you do if you discover your child's bedwetting problem is caused by a food sensitivity? It's not like being allergic to a cat - get some shots or send Fluffy to live with Grandma. You'll have to enroll your child's compliance on this (so what else is new?). Get your child to see the value, the what's-in-it-for-me of staying away from what may be a favorite food. Dry nights are pretty valuable - and your child may come to see the tradeoff as worthwhile. The sensitivity may be temporary, too - and that should help.

After all, just the thought of never being able to eat chocolate is cruel and unusual punishment.

Barley Wine and Cigars: A Dynamic Duo

2007-08-10T00:14:00.001-07:00

The saying, “it’s lonely at the top," is true for cigars. A type of smoke that makes the Marlboro man look weak rather than rugged, cigars have a way of excluding themselves from the group. Yet, you can’t fault the cigars. They might not want us to elevate their reputation and status by deeming them synonymous with luxury and sophistication; for all we know, cigars are standing in the background - looking lovingly at pipes and cigarettes - yelling, “Can’t we all just get along?" Luckily, cigars might have found something to relieve their loneliness: they just may have a lifelong companion in barley wine.

Upon performing research, I was surprised to find how many websites laud the combination of cigars and barley wine. And, naturally, I was even more surprised to find these websites weren’t just the ones that sell barley wine.

For those not familiar with barley wine, the simplest way to remember it is by the term “barely wine." Truth be told, barley wine isn’t really wine at all; because of its high alcohol content, it only thinks its wine (ironically, after a few too many bottles, I sometimes think this same thing about myself). With wine like characteristics, the big difference is in the ingredients: barley wine is made with grain instead of fruit. If it were cereal, barley wine would be Wheaties while wine would be Fruity Pebbles.

Still, barley wine is not without some fruit flavor. It displays both sweetness and bitterness at the same time, giving it a unique taste among beers.

While it originated in England, barley wine is available worldwide. However, when sold in the US, barley wines are required to be sold with the label, "barley wine-style ales," thus avoiding confusion for the wine-seeking consumer.

Barley wine is sometimes aged, much like wine, and used for celebratory occasions. It is this last sentence that undoubtedly makes the ears of cigars - with their penchant for celebration - prick up.

Cigars and barley wine compliment each other nicely. With a slightly peaty taste, barley wine does maintain some whiskey-like characteristics and, as most of us know, cigars have never found a whiskey they do not like.

Unlike wine, barley wine doesn’t always go well with food, but, luckily you don’t eat a Churchill. Many cigars, depending on your individual palate, do well with barley wines, in particular Old Nick Barley wine, which, according to many consumers, is one of the best barley wines on the market.

Overall, the key to pairing a good barley wine with a good cigar is to keep the tastes in cahoots, you don’t want the flavor of the beer and the flavor of the cigar fighting each other for your attention. It’s also a good rule to pair up beers of lighter color to cigars with lighter wrappers. This may help keep one from overpowering the other.

When it comes down to it, barley wine and cigars are good friends, and you just might find yourself - as you beg to be included - asking the duo to become a trio.

High Speed Internet Connection

2007-08-10T00:13:00.000-07:00

Internet has almost become a lifeline for the new generation. Many businesses now depend entirely on the Internet. People residing in different parts of world are able to talk to each other via the medium of Internet. Video conferencing is a live example of it. Many marriages are also made with the help of the Internet. The list of benefits that Internet provides is limitless.

But, what would you do when you have a slow speed internet connection that takes a lot of time? That internet connection would simply be useless to you.

The speed at which you are connected to the Internet plays a very important role in enjoying the advantages offered by it. For example, suppose one of your relatives who is residing overseas, has sent you a holiday clip. Now, if your Internet speed is slow then first of all it would take a long time to load the mail website. Then you would enter your user name and password. It would again take extra time to verify it. Also, downloading the clip would be very slow, even if its size is very small. Overall, you can say that having a low speed Internet connection (dial-up connection) is not a good thing.

There are many choices available for a high speed Internet connection. DSL, Cable and Satellite are some of them. You can select the best one from them. Here are some of the common benefits that all these high speed Internet connections provide.

* Viewing of streamlining clips or videos is very easy and fast in these connections. Dial-up connections may not even allow their access. * You can upload web pages and download any kind of information or software with more than twice the speed of dial-up connection. * Downloading of images and huge e-mail files can be done almost promptly. * High speed Internet connection has proven to be a boon for all businessmen. They can now access the world wide web within a few seconds. Their businesses have been highly benefited through efficient and quick video conferencing which would have been impossible in a slow dial-up connection. * For those people who work from home, a high speed Internet connection can assist them in increasing their overall work efficiency and output. * On a long term basis, the high speed Internet connection can prove to be highly economical.

DSL: The best choice for high speed internet connection Now-a-days, DSL has become the leading choice for a high speed Internet connection. DSL works on existing telephone lines. With a DSL connection you can browse the web and talk on the phone at the same time. Generally, a DSL connection requires a DSL router, a dedicated phone line and a network card or a modem for each system. The installation of DSL at your location is the responsibility of the service provider. Last but not the least, this high speed Internet connection is offered at very affordable prices.

Alcohol and Motorcycles

2007-08-10T00:12:00.000-07:00

In the last twenty years, the legal system has created serious consequences for anyone driving under the influence of alcohol. However, the idea of driving a motorcycle under the influence is even more dangerous for a number of reasons.

First, it's more deadly. Riders do not have the advantage and security of a metal cage a vehicle offers in the event of a crash. In fact, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (2003), motorcyclists are about 26 times as likely to die in a traffic accident. It's clear why, it's the reason you love to ride, no restriction, open road. But it's also no air bags, no safety features, and open concrete with vehicles all around you.

Second, motorcyclists were more likely to be intoxicated than any other driver, the highest of any type of vehicle. Motorcyclists had the highest rate of alcohol use among all vehicle types in crashes, motorcycles counting 37 percent, next to passenger cars at 27 percent, and sport utility vehicles at 27 percent.

Lastly, operating a motorcycle requires much more coordination than driving a passenger vehicle. Your reflexes are slowed, your vision is impaired, and you are less coordinated.

For all of the efforts of law enforcement, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, and motorcycle groups themselves to lower the incidence of riding while under the influence, the amount of motorcyclist fatalities rose from 1998 to 200, after it had been declining from 1993 to 1997.

Additional efforts are being made to reduce the number of accidents related to riding and alcohol use. This includes making people aware of the risks and having them take responsibility for themselves and others on the road.

Living On Purpose - finding happiness in life

2007-08-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

Searching for the path to happiness and fulfillment? To find your true meaning in life, it's time you looked within

LATELY EVERY PHONE CALL SEEMS TO END with the same old sighs. My friends with the fly jobs, the cute dreadlocks, the record deals, the brand-new condos--the ones everyone would agree have got it going on--seem to be questioning the point of it all. At first I suspected this pondering was because we are all so near the three-decade marker, but I am finding it's not just limited to us newly appointed adults: It's also my mother and her friends, and my friends' mothers and their friends--and the menfolk too. All over the place, I hear the same grumbling, the same whisperings, I sense the same questions: What am I supposed to be doing with my life? Am I on target?

Contrary to what Puff Daddy would have us believe, life ain't just about the Benjamins, baby. And it ain't the "poon-tang" that makes everything "swans." (Sorry, Lil' Kim.) It's about more than having a fly body or bouncing and behaving hair. More of us want to incorporate a deeper meaning into our lives--something that makes a difference in this world and satisfies our souls, not just our bank accounts or others' expectations of us.

So what do we do? The pathway to our passions will ultimately be as individual as we are. Most of us seek and/or encounter many guides along the way--through gathering in sister circles and in houses of worship, reading up on personal growth, signing up for a class or seminar. Conscious of our quest, we begin to notice signs as they appear: pages blown open to specific passages in books fallen from our shelves, TV personalities directing us to information we didn't know we needed until we turned on our sets. Some of us are even turning to a new breed of guru: the "life coach"--professionals who specialize in helping us get our priorities straight.

ESSENCE assigned me to team up with one such expert, glean insights into my own life and then pass along lessons learned that will help other sisters find their way. My coach was Erline Belton, founder and CEO of the Lyceum Group. Through seminars and retreats, Erline guides many individuals, groups and companies on spiritual quests every day, so I understood I was in good hands. Still, I have to admit I was a little nervous when Erline, a small sister with bouncy reddish-brown hair and enthusiasm that hits like a sledgehammer, met me at the train station in Boston. She smiled an infectious smile, told me that she is into truth-telling, and took me by the hand for a journey into my soul.

Legacy: Spiritual Imprint

Ironically, Erline's mission was born in an environment not generally associated with having much of a soul: corporate America. As she advanced, all the way to senior vice-president and partner of a $2 billion computer company, she observed the interactions of other senior executives. Many who thought they were personable and easy to get along with grew confused by the hesitation and fear employees expressed in approaching them. "They were out of touch with their authentic selves," says Erline. Similarly, in her personal life she'd noticed people asking kids what they wanted to be rather than who they wanted to be (reinforcing early on a disconnection between their sense of self and their sense of how to be in the world). All this made her think very hard about such discrepancies. Erline began to wonder what the world would be like if we were conscious that we create impressions of ourselves, or, as she terms it, legacies, with every breath and every moment. "I believe we all come with a very special gift to help humanity," she says with a bright smile, "but sometimes we forget the big purpose of our lives and need help remembering it." [For her tips on how you can realize your legacy, turn to page 148.]

In 1991 Erline created the Lyceum Group, with its mission of helping individuals and companies discover the truth about themselves and then live up to that truth day by day. She has taken her message from boardrooms to beaches (she holds retreats in Jamaica) and has even spoken at the White House.

The Journey Begins

Would her methods work for me, I wondered? At 29 years old, I believe my life has been pretty good. I have accomplished a few things that my mother, at least, takes pride in--I have a national forum through writing for this magazine, and mentors around me who support me and believe in my dreams.

Nevertheless, I feel so strongly that there is just so much for me to do, that I haven't even begun to tap into all my creative potential. How else do I explain the feeling that all my life many aspects of the media--film, television, music, books--have been whispering to me constantly, all beckoning me forward, urging me to begin shaping them right now? Isn't there a reason I dream of worlds? Why does my life change in some small way when I sit in front of that magnificent 40-foot screen and see perspectives I may never have known? Or why, while flipping pages in my favorite book late at night, can I feel the sun beating down on my back and the ground under my feet as I run through villages barefoot, looking through the eyes of a Nigerian spirit boy? I think constantly, Where is my novel, my Lord of the Rings? Or my movie, my Love Jones? Or my Xena: Warrior Princess? Sometimes I feel as though bliss and fulfillment and joy are apparitions just beyond my reach.

But Erline refused to let me steep in that stew. She believes it's never too late to get on course. Her process of discovery works for everyone, she says--even those toiling in nine-to-fives they hate and those who have no idea where to begin thinking about what they want because they have been so stripped of their inner urges. The key to living our legacies, she says, is living to love: "It's like this: If your heart malfunctions, everything in your body won't work. Same with love: If your heart is not filled with love, you cannot give love back [to humanity]."

Getting to the Heart of Things

In Erline's very quaint home, upstairs in a converted attic living-room space, we relaxed and shared cups of fruit tea. Because we would attempt to get to the core of the work she normally does over a full weekend in just one day, getting comfortable was key. When we are truly at ease in the world, we are also at our most authentic, Erline stresses. She poured a mixture of essential oils to calm my anxiety, then led me through a relaxation exercise.

Erline asked me to close my eyes, uncross my legs and arms and breathe deeply. Then, as her soothing voice instructed, I visualized each part of my body, feeling for spots of tension and releasing "negative energy" before moving on to the next.

My mind refreshed, I could focus during the visualization, meditation and writing exercises we packed into the next two hours. My first task: to make an honest assessment of what people think of me right now. Erline again asked me to close my eyes, then imagine my loved ones and think what they would say about me if I were to die tomorrow. Would they miss me? What value did I add to their lives? Tears began to fall down my face, and I let them flow. I saw all my friends sitting in a circle on the floor of a loft space saying such beautiful things about me.

I realized as I felt their love that I never say such nice things to myself. Instead I often beat up on myself for what I haven't done. I opened my eyes and Erline handed me a tissue, along with a worksheet to fill out labeled "Current Legacy." It probed more of what she had begun asking, with leads like: "My contribution to this place at this time would be discussed as ..."; "What gives my life meaning and purpose at this time is ..."; "The one principle I lived by and stood for was ..."

Then we talked about why I cried: Maybe it's just me and my circle of friends and the fact that we live in a city that is frustratingly too hip. (New York, in my mind, is the meeting place for every overambitious creative person with a dream of fame and a plan for revolution.) But sometimes I feel as if now we all live in a world where if you don't own your own business by age 25, have not been written about in some magazine or shouted out on someone's album, thanked in someone's acknowledgments or invited to be a guest on somebody's TV show, you're looked upon as a failure. Is it my imagination, or are the expectations for material accomplishments more intense than ever?

At ages 21 and 23, respectively, a girlfriend and I knew we'd take the world by storm by age 25. When we didn't, we pushed that deadline to 30. Now I'm 29 and she's 27, and while our priorities have changed and I understand these things are no true measure of success, that nagging feeling of failure hasn't left either of us.

Erline points out that there's no way we can feel anything other than lacking if we measure ourselves by others' standards and expectations. Besides, only those whose dreams drifted away long ago would presume to dictate what we ought to do with our lives, she adds. "Your inner voice speaks only to you--only it can declare what's best for you," she says. But only, stresses a staunchly clear Erline, if you are not afraid to live outside the box that society wants to construct for you.

Facing the Future

The second step involved deciding what type of legacy I would leave if I were living an ideal life. Erline had me fill out a "Future Legacy" worksheet, which included questions and fill-ins such as "It is the future. What do you want your family, friends and colleagues to be saying about you?"; "The value I added to their lives was ..."; and "I will be missed because ..." I realized I wanted to leave a legacy of love, inspiration and creativity. From the previous exercise, I could see that my current legacy is certainly one of love but that there is so much more I'd like to do creatively to inspire people.

The third step, Erline said, was for me to face truthfully what was currently preventing me from moving forward and to acknowledge the gifts and dreams I held inside. The last worksheet posed such questions as "How are your habits and actions inhibiting your movement toward how you aspire to be?" (I wrote down: "I am not completely honest about my feelings in all my relationships.") "What gifts do you possess, but do not yet utilize, that can help move you toward how you aspire to be in this world?" (Eyes closed, I saw musical instruments.) "What actions are you currently taking to move yourself toward how you aspire to be?" (I am facing my fears and trying to just let go and let God.)

Finally, on that same sheet, Erline asked me to tell myself why I am here, to declare the real purpose of my life. She instructed me not to overanalyze, to close my eyes and visualize and know the answer would come from my heart, my intuition. "Trust the quiet little voice inside," she murmured. I did as she asked, striving to keep the panicky feelings at bay, inhaling deeply over and over again.

Eventually, the fog in my mind cleared and I saw a scene in a diner: a man at a counter drinking coffee and a woman in an apron cooking a big animal whole on the stove, with lots of pots bubbling over. When I asked myself what that vision meant, the answer came back: to stir things up.

Erline helped clarify that answer through guided imagery. She told me to envision myself in a meadow of beautiful flowers with a path that led into the woods, then go down the path and look for a house. She instructed me to go inside the house, see if anyone was there, hear what they had to say, then walk back up the path.

In the quiet space of my mind, the images began to flow rapidly. I saw many things, but the most vivid was the house I entered, the interior of which was a slave dwelling. There stood a Black grandmother and grandfather. They sat me at the table and slathered me with oil. I have short hair in real life, but in this scene I had pigtails. The grandparents massaged my scalp and greased my hair. It felt so good and comforting to let go and let someone else ease the cracked, dry skin and knead the surface with strong, knotted, knowing hands.

I didn't want them to stop. But they did, and somehow I ended up outside the cabin with the grandmother, near a rapidly flowing stream. We stood by the water and watched it run. Then suddenly we were in front of the house, which now had a manicured front yard. As if I were in a movie, I saw the grandmother's arm in a frame by itself, handing me an apple. She told me to take a bite.

Guided by Spirit

I looked to Erline for assistance in interpreting these visions. She said she had helped me find my spirit guides, guides who would be there for me if ever I needed them again. According to her, we all have spirit guides waiting to help us. We can contact them if we quiet our minds and listen. Erline shared that her spirit guides had been saying to her very clearly throughout our session that I was here on this earth to tell the truth. She believed I was on a spiritual path and that my real purpose in life was to awaken people. The image to stir things up made perfect sense because, in her mind, that's the exact nature of truth. She said I would speak to a lot of people one day, but stressed that this was a lifelong journey and it would take time to unveil itself properly. I needed to be patient with myself.

So what does it all mean? I can't say I have all the answers now. Could I have done this on my own? Maybe. Would I have been as affected by it? Maybe not. All I know is that Erline's session helped me see that I want my life to be about something bigger than me, and that someone out there may just agree with that assessment. A good friend reminded me the other day that truth is not about age or book learning or even experience; children, she said, are often the best messengers of truth. So perhaps that's been the reason for the delay in producing specific media projects--I am still determining my own truth. And when I develop my own philosophy and style, I will use the media to deliver the truth as I see it.

I can choose today not to be afraid and to step bravely into the light. I can trust that every moment has magic and beauty and love, and that I alone am responsible for that enchantment, with each breath and each thought. I can also decide today that I am on the right path, that my dreams and visions do matter, and that the divinely designed pattern of my particular jigsaw puzzle will be revealed in perfect time, piece by piece.

Hmmm. I think I'll pass Erline's number on to a few friends.

Caution! Children at Play

2007-08-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

Remember how much fun you had as a child at the playground swinging, sliding and climbing on the monkey bars? Chances are you also recall a time when your fun landed you--or a friend--in the emergency room.

An estimated 200,000 playground injuries to children are reported annually, according to the National Program for Playground Safety (NPPS). In a study conducted by the NPPS last year, America's playgrounds got a C- for safety. Here's how to be sure your child's public play area is safe:

Be certain a watchful adult is on the scene. An estimated 40 percent of these injuries are related to inadequate adult supervision. If you're unable to monitor your child's play, always have a reliable adult on the lookout.

Note: One size does not fit all. Playgrounds should allow for energetic play, and the safest way is through the use of age-appropriate equipment. Kids ages 2 to 5 are weaker and less coordinated than 5-to-12-year-olds. For the younger set, look for tot swings, slides (no taller than four feet), lower platforms and crawl tunnels. Children 5 and up can safely use tire swings, sliding poles, seesaws and merry-go-rounds.

Conduct a surface check. Avoid areas that use asphalt, blacktop, concrete or packed dirt as cushioning. Instead opt for hardwood fiber or mulch, pea gravel, sand or rubber tiles. Cushioning should extend at least six feet in all directions from the equipment's perimeter. Look for other potential hazards, such as broken pieces of glass and debris lying around; your child could be seriously injured if he falls. And ask yourself these questions: Is the playground designed in such a way that accidents are more likely to happen? For example, does the slide dump children into the path of the swings? If there is metal equipment, is it in a shaded area or does it have a rubberized surface to prevent burns?

Examine all equipment thoroughly. Give everything from climbers to swings the once-over. Swings should have nonmetal seats, stand alone and be positioned at least 24 inches apart. Slides should have firm handgrips and drainage holes on the steps to reduce slippage. Merry-go-rounds must be securely anchored to the ground and have easy-grip handles.

For the Thrill of It - adventure vacations in the Caribbean

2007-08-09T20:30:00.002-07:00

Four sisters get physical on vacation--and live to tell the tale!

Off the Deep End Schools of large silver, yellow and blue fish. Fragile coral reef. Bits of a ship's wreckage resting in a sandy, watery grave. To be honest, I still can't cite a specific fish or fauna I saw underwater in the Caribbean waters off Curacao, but I can say this: I will never, ever forget the wonder I felt on my first dive. And I will never, ever forget the triumph I felt, either. Scuba diving ... me!

Sure, it was only an introductory dive and we descended a mere 30 feet, but hey, just try to convince me that I'm not Jacqueline Cousteau! Historically, I tried diving twice before, but inevitably panic set in. See, I just couldn't get the breathing thing right--and the breathing thing is everything when you're underwater. And I couldn't shake the thought of drowning, of gallons of water filling my lungs and the remains of my bloated body (which had already been nibbled on by sharks) being discovered months later, miles from shore. It was not a pretty picture. So my earlier dive attempts always ended in failure.

But this third time was the charm. CuraCao, which is located about 25 miles off the northern coast of Venezuela, likes to advertise itself as having the world's best drinking water, but I think its real claim to fame is Eric Wederfoort. He is a short, ebullient brother who has owned and operated the Wederfoort Diving School since 1966 and has dived with the real Jacques Cousteau. He and his wife, Yolanda, run their dive center from St. Michiel Bay (or Boka Sami, as the locals call it), midway down the western coast of the 38-mile-long island.

Wederfoort was even more hardheaded than I was, refusing to accept my protestations that I really, truly couldn't dive. "Everyone can dive," he said as two other novices and I practiced in the clear shallow water near shore. "You're not listening." I had an oxygen tank on my back, a mouthpiece in my mouth, a mask on my face, instructions to remember and two gauges to watch. Of course I wasn't listening: I was going to die!!!!

Then, miraculously, something clicked. And within minutes, the four of us were 30 feet below, viewing colors and textures and incredible creatures that seemed to come straight out of a National Geographic special. It was deep. Truly deep.

The secret to diving, as Wederfoort finally beat into my head, is to relax. Breathe in through the mouth, out through the nose. Relax. Swallow to open your ears. Relax. Don't fight it. Relax. It's like the secret to life, isn't it?

Should you find yourself on the lovely island of Curacao and you want to have the experience of a lifetime, run don't walk--to the Wederfoort Diving School. You'll see just how great going off the deep end can be! --JOY DUCKETT CAIN

Call the Wederfoort Diving School at ([011] 599-9) 888-4414 for diving information. Contact the Curacao Tourist Board at (800) 3-CURACAO for visitor information.

Cycling Higher Six miles in a car go by in two songs and a lane change. But six miles on a mountain bike--up hills, across rugged terrain and (sploosh!) through the occasional mud puddle--can feel like an eternity. But what's there to complain about when your path is through a national park on the charming pristine isle of Bonaire, about 50 miles north of Venezuela and 38 miles east of Curacao?

Around every turn of the tiny country's Washington-Slagbaii National Park is something new to discover. Towering "candie" cacti are everywhere. Often they're lined up single file like giant asparagus and strung together, creating unique living fences. Ahead are layers of craggy rock as tall as apartment buildings. Stripes on their upper reaches show where, millions of years ago, ocean water once lapped them. Is it a mirage or am I really seeing pink flamingos? Are those chalk white "lakes" salt fish? Are these fat blue-green iguanas really rushing up to eat grapes out of my hand? And are those slave huts over there and Indian cave paintings just beyond? Well, not all on this particular stretch of trail, but Bonaire does have 'em all.

Huffing and puffing up yet another hill, however, I am pulled back to the crunching gravel below me and the fiery star above. The group I'm traveling with dawdled at breakfast and got a late start; now it's rolling up on the noon hour. It's hot, hot, hot, and the rugged trail has had its way with me. My leg muscles are muttering. Suddenly the Caribbean Sea appears before me. It's not a mirage. I coast to a stop on a plateau just above the water, which curls into the rock on which I stand and then turns back into itself. I take a swig from my water bottle. There's nothing as tasty as this icy liquid when it's earned by the sweat of my labor. We stand there for a while, enjoying the sweet breeze and the hard strides that brought us this far. Then we mount our bikes and cruise toward home.--PAMELA JOHNSON

Cycle Bonaire ([011] 599-7-7558) rents mountain bicycles and conducts tours for about $15--$65 for half-or full-day service, which includes lunch. For visitor information, contact Tourism Corporation Bonaire at (800) BONAIRE. Visit the island's Web site: www.bonaire.org.

I Believe I Can Fly "You go first,"I nudged my girlfriend Sherri. as we motored out into Cruz Bay in St. John just before sunset for our first try at parasailing. This exciting sport is a lot like flying a kite. The flier is strapped to a harness and a chute and launched from the back of a boat. The wind does the rest.

It wasn't the heights that concerned me, it was the splash landing. I do love water. I'll shower. I'll bathe. I'll wade. But I'm a nonswimmer, and a dip into the deep I can do without. I waved to Sherri from the boat as our two-person crew hoisted her 600 feet into the air, let her glide there for several minutes and then reeled her back toward the boat like a fish. When she was just a few yards away, the lines were spooled in first, then she bobbed in the water before two laughing crewmen tightened the line and pulled her on deck for a pillow-soft landing. "You gotta get your feet wet," one of the crewmen said. "It's part of the ride."

I needn't have worried. Parasailing, it turns out, is a breeze. What looks to the uninitiated like a daredevil sport is actually a ride so safe and gentle it's the perfect family activity. (Young children can fly tandem with an older child or a parent.)

When it was my turn, a crew member helped me into a nylon harness (it looks kinda like a seatbelt crossed with a swing) while his partner straightened the chute. I sat on the stern's launch platform with my back toward the water, and they fastened me to the chute with metal fittings. The motor started, the lines unfurled, and faster than I could say "Remember, don't let me get w-e-e-e..." I was gently airborne and out of earshot. In fact, I could hardly hear a thing as the boat shrank beneath me to the size of my dangling feet. Save for the gentle trade winds that sweep the Virgin Islands, it was peacefully silent.

From my lofty vantage point, I could see tiny sailboats on crystal-blue water, the verdant hills of neighboring isles Jost Van Dyke and St. Thomas, and the retiled roofs that dotted the waterfront. Directly below was The Westin Resort, with its pristine beach and lush landscape gardens. It was my island post and it offered so many glorious ways to spend the day--a game of tennis, a pina colada by the quarter-acre pool, lobster at the Beach Cafe and the island rhythms of Mighty Whitey. I decided to have that drink--and to pick up some postcards on my way to the pool. I couldn't wait to toast (and boast about) my flying adventure! --CLAIRE McINTOSH

Caribbean Parasail & Watersports offers individual and group rides for $50 per flier. Call (340) 775-9360 for information. For Westin Resort information, call (800) 808-5020.

Pulling My Own Weight Aah, the Bahamas. Nothing like sand, sun and--kayaking? That's right. While most beach bums were sunning on Grand Bahama Island, I was testing my strength in a 16-foot two-seater kayak and loving every minute.

As part of a nature trip with lunch promised at the end, I kayaked from one end of Gold Rock Creek to the other. I had never done water sports before, so after psyching myself up, I was ready for this adventure. The crew from Kayak Nature Tours provided paddling and safety instructions, then I squeezed into the kayak, secured my belongings and was off. It took awhile to get started. After I crashed into the trees five times, Phil, my able-bodied instructor, rode with me to keep me on track

I had no idea of how strenuous--and fun--kayaking could be. My upper body was getting a workout that no Nautilus machine could offer. There's a rhythm to its success: I learned how to switch the paddle from side to side, how to turn, when to paddle and how to maintain a steady flow so the craft didn't overturn. Once I got the hang of it, I could relax and look at the beautiful scenery. No beach babes here, just birds, fish and the sounds of nature. We rode through dense mangrove tunnels, where schools of barracuda, mullets, parrot fish and other marine life busily went about their day. And what vibrant colors: from the rich greens of the trees to the oranges and blues of the birds and sea life. This is definitely not an activity many vacationers take advantage of. Beginning and experienced kayakers have their choice of two tours, each showcasing the best of Bahamian underwater life.

By the end, my arms felt like sandbags, my clothes were soaking wet from a downpour, and I was smiling as if I had just won a gold medal--proud that I had finished. The most enjoyable part of the ride was pretending that I was the captain of a huge vessel and the safety of the crew was in my hands. Hey, a girl can dream! --CARLA M. TYLER

Tours are available for $75. To make an appointment, contact Kayak Nature Tours at (242) 373-2485 or via E-mail at kayaknat@batelnet.bs. For visitor information, call the Grand Bahama Island Tourism Board at (800) 448-3386.

Let's Do Lunch!

2007-08-09T20:30:00.001-07:00

Lunchtime! Time to recharge your batteries, leave the workplace, treat yourself. The lunch break is also one of the best times to make business connections or touch base with associates. But whether you're dining for business or pleasure, if you're doing the inviting, be prepared to pick up the tab, says Harriette Cole in How to Be: Contemporary Etiquette for African Americans (Simon & Schuster, $26). If you're hosting, offer your guest a choice of restaurants: "Vegetarian or meat?" (If you're a vegetarian and she eats meat, don't regale her with reports of the red-meat-disease connection as she munches on a lamb chop.)If you dine frequently at the restaurant, recommend your favorite dishes. A few of Cole's business-dining tips: * Avoid messy foods that may lead to drips or spills, * Don't talk with your mouth full, chew with your mouth open or slurp soup or drinks. * Forearms on the table are okay, but elbows are a no-no. * It's okay to wipe your nose at the table, but don't blow it. * Don't shovel food into your mouth; eat at a relaxed pace. * Bring the food to your mouth, not your body to the food. * Put your napkin on your lap as soon as you sit. * Your bread plate is always to the left.

And please, don't stick your fork into the food on your guest's plate--unless she insists!

cutting cell-phone costs

2007-08-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

ou can save money with all-in-one cellular calling plans that combine airtime, roaming charges and long-distance service into one flat rate. With rates as low as nine cents a minute, you may even find it more economical to make your cell phone your only phone.

However, these flat-rate plans won't save you money if you're just an occasional cell-phone user. For maximum benefit, you'll have to spend up to ten hours a month on your cell phone or make many wireless calls when you travel. In addition, you have to buy in bulk--typically at least 600 minutes a month, which works out to about 20 minutes a day. If you are a frequent traveler, the new low-cost rates let you avoid pricey hotel phones and calling cares. But there is a downside: You must pay for all unused minutes, and additional airtime will cost more. Most companies are now offering a one-rate coverage plan, so shop around.

Private Dancer - topless dancer

2007-08-09T20:08:00.000-07:00

`Im not ashamed of what I do. I'm good at it. But one day I'd like to have a fully dressed life.'

I'M A TOPLESS DANCER at an upscale gentlemen's club in Las Vegas. I started to dance because my kids and I had to survive. I've stayed in the business because the money is so good and I'm good at it.

I'm one of the most popular dancers. I get all fixed up, look real pretty. I have sequined gowns that I take off very seductively. I go from table to table and say, "Hi, I'm Gina. Would you like a dance?" It's called table dancing. But it's really just about them looking at your boobs. For a while, my stage name was Barbie. I said I'm going to be the first Black Barbie doll. But I went back to Gina. I like that better.

We pay the club 45 bucks each night and then keep everything from the customers. Dances are $20 plus tip. I can make $30 dancing for a minute and a half, and I do 30 or 40 songs a night, so I'm dancing my ass off. I used to work five nights a week for eight hours straight. But it's really hard on your body. So now I dance three nights a week.

To make it as a dancer, you have to have big boobs, long legs--the whole nine. I'm five feet eight and a half inches tall, and I weigh 128 pounds. I work out and stay away from drags and alcohol. I try to be spiritual. Everyone has stereotypes of topless dancers. But you don't have to be on drags or have a pimp or a no-good husband. You can be positive like I am. You can still do it and be okay. Where I work, of 80 dancers, four of us are Black. Clubs will hire an unattractive dancer with blond hair before they hire a beautiful Black one. In fact, there's a club here that won't hire any Black girls. I've been able to work at the better clubs because I have light skin. I know it's racist, but they just want a certain look.

I get my looks from my mother She was 20 when she died, and I was 2. My grandmother will only say her death was of "natural causes." My aunt says they found her in a hotel room. My father wasn't around. My grandparents in Wisconsin raised me, and they gave me a good home and sent me to private schools. But me and my grandmother didn't get along. I think she was afraid of losing me the way she lost my mother.

I ran away and had my first child when I was in my teens. I went on welfare, but I couldn't stand living like that. I wanted money and independence. I wanted to feel good about myself. Then I met this real pretty Italian girl in Milwaukee. She had a Corvette. She told me she was a dancer, and the money was really good. She suggested I try out. I did and was hired on the spot. I made $200 a night. I thought that was a lot. Since then I've worked in Canada and New York, too--always at the better clubs, since I'm able to pass.

Because I work nights and travel, my grandmother raised my sons, ages 13 and 17. My daughter, who's 11, lives with her father in New York. My kids thought I was a model. But one day my grandmother got angry with me over something and said, "Well, at least I don't take my clothes off!" I don't know what my kids think about what I do. I believe the boys like it that I give them so much stuff. They tell me, "I love you, Gina." I'm a very good mother. My daughter is a little dancer herself. But I wouldn't want her to do this for a living.

Dancing is great, though. I've always been an entertainer in my soul. When I was little, relatives would come over and my grandmother would say, "Gina, go on, dance for everybody." That made me feel real good. And I got paid for it, like $5.

I've gotten jewelry from customers. Marriage proposals. I've dated some very high-profile men, though I can't name names. But some customers think they can talk to you any kind of way. They say, "Are your boobs real?" or "How much for the night?" Sometimes they ask about my ethnicity, and when I tell them I'm Black, I can see the change in them, as if I've come down a notch. I don't like the sexism or racism in this business.

When I'm dancing, the only thing I think about is all the money I'm making. I think, Who's next? I'm not there to socialize. And sometimes I think how this is really getting hard, how I'm dragging myself upstairs at the end of the night. When I get home I won't go to bed until I get in the shower and scrub my body. I just don't feel clean.

I don't have a college degree, but I'm not stupid. I've started to save money so that I can retire in a few years, maybe go to school, start a business. Last year my boys came to live with me--things are changing. One day I'm going to have a fully dressed life.

Gina Anderson is writing a book about life as an African-American stripper.

An Ethnic Trump - ethnic cultural education - Brief Article

2007-08-09T20:07:00.000-07:00

In this column, which takes an intimate look at diverse cultures, the Chinese-American mother of a biracial child recognizes the need to teach her son that he is a child of color in a world that sees race before all else

THAT MY SON, LUKE, AGE 4, goes to Chinese-culture school seems inevitable to most people, even though his father is of Irish descent. In America, certain ethnicities are seen as more ethnic than others: Chinese, for example, trumps Irish. This has something to do with the relative distance of certain cultures from mainstream America, but it also has to do with race. As we all know, it is not only certain ethnicities that trump others but certain co]ors: Black trumps White, for example, always and forever; a mulatto is not a kind of White person, but a kind of Black person.

And so it is, too, that my son is considered a kind of Asian person, whose destiny is to embrace Asian things: the Chinese language, Chinese food, Chinese New Year. No one cares whether he speaks Gaelic or wears green on St. Patrick's Day, for though Luke's skin is fair and his features mixed, people see his straight black hair and know who he is.

But is this how we should define ourselves, by other people's perceptions? My husband, Dave, and I had originally hoped for Luke to grow up embracing his whole complex heritage. We had hoped to pass on to him values and habits of mind that had survived in both of us.

Then one day Luke combed his black hair and said he was turning it yellow. Another day, a mother I knew said her son had invited all blond-haired children like himself to his birthday party. And yet another day, Luke was happily scooting around the Cambridge Common playground when a pair of older boys, apparently brothers, blocked his way. "You're Chinese!" they shouted, leaning on the hood of Luke's scooter car. "You are! You're Chinese!" Even when I intervened, they kept shouting. Luke answered, "No, I'm not!" to no avail; the boys didn't seem to hear him. Then the boys' mother called to them from some distance away, and though her voice was no louder than Luke's, they left obediently.

Behind them opened a great, rippling quiet, like the wash of a battleship. Luke and I immediately went over things he could say if anything like that happened again. I told him he was 100-percent American, even though I knew from my own childhood in Yonkers, New York, that these words would be met only with derision. It was a sorry chore, Since then I have not asked him about the incident, hoping that he has forgotten about it, and wishing I could, too. I wish I could forget the sight of those kids' fingers on the hood of Luke's little car. I wish I could forget their loud attack, but also Luke's soft defense: "No, I'm not!"

Chinese school. After dozens of phone calls, I was elated to discover the Greater Boston Chinese Cultural Association in nearby West Newton, Massachusetts. The school takes children at 3, has a wonderful sense of community and is housed in a center paid for, in part, by karaoke fund-raising events. (Never mind what the Japanese meant to the Chinese in the old world. In this world, people donate $200 apiece for a chance at the mike, and the singing goes on all night.) At the school, there are even vendors who bring home-style Chinese food to sell after class, stuff you can't get in a restaurant. Dave and I couldn't wait for Luke's second class and a chance to buy more bao for our freezer.

But in the car on the way to the class, Luke announced that he didn't want to go to Chinese school anymore. He said the teacher talked mostly about ducks and bears, and he wasn't interested in ducks and bears. I knew this was true. Luke was interested only in whales and ships. What's more, I knew we wouldn't push him to take swimming lessons if he didn't want to, or music. Chinese school was a wonderful thing, but weren't we making it somehow nonoptional? Was that right? Hadn't we always said that we didn't want our son to see himself as more Chinese than Irish?

Yet we didn't want to deny his Chinese heritage, either. And if there were going to be incidents on the playground, we wanted him to at least know what Chinese meant. So when Luke said again that he didn't want to go to Chinese school, ! said, "Oh, really?" Later on we could try to teach him to define himself irrespective of race. For now, he was going to Chinese school. I exchanged glances with Dave. And then together, in a most casual manner, we squinted at the road and kept going.

Gish Jen is the author of Typical American and Mona in the Promised Land. Her newest book, Who's Irish?, will be published by Knopf this month.

A Lesson in Love - man faces celibacy in his relationship - Brief Article

2007-08-09T20:06:00.001-07:00

`I had to make a choice: Did I continue to see her and practice celibacy, or should I thank her for her time and move on?'

FOR THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF, I have been dating an older woman. I am 25 and she is an elegant 41. From the time of our meeting, I was enchanted by her grace and irresistible charm. The more we talked, the more I became drawn to her. After a couple of weeks, I gathered up the nerve to ask her to dinner and, to my surprise, she said yes. She loves seafood, so I picked out a cozy restaurant near her home. It was a lovely evening. I felt very comfortable being in her company, and she told me that she felt the same way. We ended our date with a great hug and a light kiss. I could tell from the energy we shared that the union of our bodies would be a powerful experience. After only one date, I had fallen in love.

On our second date we had another of her favorites--soul food. After dinner, we took a night stroll through Central Park. As I waited for the right moment to kiss her, she stopped suddenly and said she had something to share with me. Taken aback I thought the worst: AIDS. But instead she began to explain that for the past five years she had been practicing celibacy, and that she planned to save herself for her future husband. I was totally speechless. Although I tried my best to act as if the news had little effect on me, she saw the stunned look on my face. She added that if we were to pursue a relationship, it would be one devoid of sex. I cringed at the thought. "Are you still interested?" she asked jokingly. I didn't know what to say. I was relieved when she suggested I take some time to think about it and get back to her. But as we left the park, all my fantasies began to fade, and I felt as if a permanent wall had been put between us.

That night as I lay in bed, I began to examine my feelings: Did I put too much emphasis on sex? Can a couple who don't have sex be as close as two people who do? I had to admit to myself that part of my excitement at the prospect of being with an older woman was largely sexual. Could I, as a younger man, really thrill her? What new sexual things could she, as an older woman, teach me? Her statement had changed all that, and my feelings for her began to diminish. I didn't want to involve myself with a woman who couldn't satisfy all my needs.

In the days that followed, though, I began to think that maybe a relationship without sex could be healthy for me. If nothing else, it would be a true test of my self-control. I had to make a choice: Did I continue to see her and practice celibacy, or should I thank her for her time and move on? We continued to spend time with each other, but things weren't the same. Without the possibility of sex, I could only see us as friends. I wanted to be affectionate with her, but it seemed as if it would be a waste of time. I didn't understand how to have intimacy without sex, nor did I want to. Slowly, though, as we learned more about each other, weird things started to happen. She began teaching me how to be a lover. In other relationships, my focus had been strictly on having sex. But by spending time with her, I began to understand how a full-body caress can be satisfying how a passionate kiss and hug can deliver a message, how pleasurable it can be to cuddle while watching a movie. She has shown me that a kiss is not just a kiss, but a way of relaying how you feel about a person. We've spent time talking--about celibacy, about love, about closeness to God. Some times have been tough, especially those moments when we've been lying together late at night. But knowing that it's going only so far, we try to find other ways of satisfying each other. And it has made things easier for me because there's no pressure to perform.

Over time, the sexual issue became less important, and we've learned to focus totally on love and understanding. I fell more deeply in love with her not having had sex because of the closeness we were able to achieve, a closeness I had thought wasn't possible without sex. We've been able to get really close spiritually, and we've connected on a level that allows us to just talk for hours. I admit that I do miss sex, but I like the stronger new me better. I've learned self-control and how to treat my body like the temple that it is. And though I may not always be celibate, I know now that a real relationship can be secure without sex, that a strong friendship should be at the core of any relationship and that sex is the ultimate act of love. I believe that--despite the fact that we've never had sex--my time spent in this relationship has made me a better lover and a better person.

River of Sorrow

2007-08-09T20:04:00.000-07:00

THE DEATH OF A CHILD is perhaps the greatest tragedy a family can know there are endless ripples of change and loss. In her striking first novel, River, Cross My Heart (Little, Brown, $23), Breena Clarke (left), a Washington, D.C., native, lets the reader share the sorrow of the Bynum family of Georgetown in 1925, when their baby, 5-year-old Clara, drowns in the Potomac River while she is on a forbidden swimming trip with her 10-year-old sister, Johnnie Mae.

The story is told largely from the perspective of Johnnie Mae, who feels responsible for her sister's death. Clarke skillfully limns the lives of those left behind not just the family but also the community. She makes us care about Johnnie Mae's struggles to release her burden of guilt and grow into the kind of woman her sister--and the rest of her family--can be proud of. Clarke is a writer to watch, both for her brilliant use of language and her ambition in terms of subject. In her able hands, the Bynums are a family you won't soon forget.

Urban-Wear Legend

2007-08-09T20:03:00.000-07:00

TEN YEARS AGO few people considered urban sportswear a viable market. Today the playing field is crowded with upstarts trying to cash in on a market largely created by 30-year-old designer Karl Kani. "Competition makes you step up your game a notch," says Kani from his L.A. headquarters.

With no formal training, Kani began his career designing clothes for friends in the music industry. He launched his creations nationally in 1990 under the Cross Colours company umbrella. Though Kani split from Cross Colours in 1995 and personally financed the Karl Kani Infinity launch, his road to successful independent designer wasn't smooth knockoffs of his trademark baggy jeans nearly cost him his company. But quality products and distinctive designs helped the company rebound with record 1997 sales of $69 million.

Kani has expanded his base with children's clothing, men's suits, women's apparel and shoes. Plans include a home-furnishings line and a flagship New York City store by 2001.

The single father of a 2-year-old son is determined to share his good fortune. He sits on the boards of the NAACP and Urban League and works with various children's charities. Kani also developed an entrepreneurial program at 24 elementary schools in Los Angeles: Kids learn to run their own businesses by marketing and selling Kani's closeout designs. "I want to teach these kids to stay determined to fulfill their dreams like I did," he says.

Dating White: When Sisters Go There - African American women dating white men

2007-08-09T19:59:00.000-07:00

One sister examines our complicated responses to a long-held cultural taboo' Black women's dating--and marrying--White men

I CATCH THEIR EYES, the way they stare at me. If I smile back, I see surprise, joy swirling around their irises. And if I flirt, well, it's as if I've given away a state secret. But mostly they just stare. "Gorgeous," whispers a White man in a slick trench coat over an expensive blue suit as he walks by. Sometimes it's sweet, these things they do; sometimes it's scary. Sometimes it's just sad. "Hey, chocolate, can you spare a dime?" asks a White Seventh Avenue bum, the stink of his cigarette, of him, curling around us as he gets in my face. "Go away," I spit back.

"Aw, chocolate.... "

I've been raised with the idea that they are no damn good, that all a Black woman ever got from a White man was trouble. But I spent a lot of years sitting next to them in class, bumping into them on the street, ordering Chinese takeout as we both shed our jackets and settled in for a long night in the computer's glare. Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt. Sometimes when they catch my eye, it's because I was staring first.

"Every White man has two women in his life," author and social critic bell hooks tells me. "The White woman he's married to and the Black woman of his dreams." hooks defines it as another version of that tired classic, the Madonna-whore divide. With White women locked behind gates of virtue, Black women, the other, became everything sexual, wild, secret. Who do voodoo like she do? With motivations like that, it's no wonder Black women ignored and distrusted White men. "White men have always pursued us," says hooks. "But we, when given the option to choose, haven't responded."

Indeed, White male-Black female marriages have traditionally had one of the lowest incidences of all possible interracial combinations, being almost nonexistent as recently as the 1970's, when they represented less than one percent of U.S. marriages. Even today, the highest opposition to being involved in interracial liaisons appears to be among Black women. According to U.S. Census data for the 25-to-34 age range, Asian, Latina and Native American women marry White at a rate of 30 percent or higher, and one in 12 married Black men have White wives. Among married sisters, however, only one in 25 has a White husband.

But those numbers have begun to turn around. While the number of Black men married to White women is still larger, the rate of Black women marrying White men is increasing. And on the dating and longing-look scene, many folks are touching the third rail. Social psychologists M. Belinda Tucker and Pamela L. Taylor and anthropologist Claudia Mitchell-Kernan, researchers at UCLA, studied 21 cities across the United States and found that especially among younger women, the increasing willingness to date and marry interracially was evident everywhere, not just in metropolises like Los Angeles and New York. The research also showed this is not something that only upwardly mobile Black women are doing; working-class sisters are just as likely to be in these relationships. And from Savannah to San Francisco, I see more White men giggling and holding hands with sisters. Girlfriends who swore "Never that" have called up talking about "Are you sitting down?" Laughs Douglas Besharov, the American Enterprise Institute scholar whose study noted the increase in Black women marrying White men: "Not everyone is waiting to exhale."

But all this begs the question of what's happening. Why are White men more openly chasing Black women, and why are more of us willing to give them the business?

When's the last time you think White people saw a Black woman? No, I mean looked closely, really saw her? Black women have pioneered the art of living around White people but still being invisible. Caricatures of us can be found on TV networks or shaking ass in the latest rap video. But that's just the most recent cartoon, and underneath that celluloid surface, serious shifts have occurred. The Black middle and upper classes have grown. A generation of Black kids have come of age full of expectations and intolerant, if not unaware, of sit-here-but-not-there limitations. In droves, the granddaughters of women whose only career choice was to be a domestic have gotten their top-drawer education, the first of their line not to feel mortally hemmed in by being Black and female.

But it's just now that darkness and all its possibilities are being made visible. Until recently, Madeleine was one of the few Black editors in the world of high-fashion magazines. On any given night she and anywhere from two to ten of her girlfriends-twenty- and thirtysomething lawyers, music-business executives and writers--can be found at the bar of a Manhattan hot spot, their muscled coffee-colored thighs flashing as they cross their legs under their Prada skirts, surrounded as much by glamour as a well-appointed glow. "And there are always White people, especially White men, staring at us. They just want to know who we are," she says. "Just the other night a White couple were at the bar and they stared forever. Finally the woman came over and asked, `Who are you girls?'"

She's not the only one who is curious. We sit next to White men in spinning class at the gym, split the check at lunch and commiserate about the boss. We meet them through friends at parties and in bars. And so a familiar dance with a strange new step begins. As a friend of mine points out, everyone is on her or his best behavior until the sex. Some of us wonder what they look like naked, all milky skin and sleek hair. "Not bad for a White boy," a girlfriend nods as an attractive blond walks by our table. Others just think pale. "He took his clothes off. It was so ... pink, no, red. I just couldn't," says Michelle, a congressional aide, of why she developed a headache.

And what, we ask ourselves, if they're transfixed by what the comic Paul Mooney calls that Makumba-love, bangi-ass fantasy? "We used to call it a master complex at Yale," says Saida, a civil-rights lawyer who remembers dismissing one White boyfriend after he called her his African Princess one time too many. Madeleine says that as she stands out on Seventh Avenue hailing a cab, she often notices White men looking at her. "But I feel so invaded. I just always think, You could never know me," she says. Recently she had her first date with a White man. She met David at the bar of a trendy restaurant. He was cute and funny. They had a good time. At the end of the night, he went to kiss her and she stopped him. "You fear that you are arousing this sexual desire, that it's just about wanting to know what a Black woman looks like naked. Is it just that you want to see my nipples, to see what dark nipples look like?" she says.

Kara Young, a model, was once married to a White photographer and has stepped out occasionally with billionaire Donald Trump. "Yeah, there's going to be the guy that wants to know if you're going to suck his d--- a little differently," she shrugs. "But you sniff that out; it doesn't last any longer than two weeks." But that's two weeks and a head trip that gets old quick. "I used to be an equal-opportunity f---," says writer Itabari Njeri, who covered cross-cultural marriages and children for the St. Petersburg Times and Los Angeles Times. She also watched her share of men, whom she thought were dealing with her as a person, reveal that they were more caught up in fetish and fantasies about the exotic. "At first I thought they found me cute, intelligent, talented. Then I realized they were just trying to get some Black p----."

And back-channel information about what gets said among men isn't heartening. "How do men bond?" asks Matt, a Black professor. "It's either, `The old lady is giving me trouble' or `I got a good piece of ass last night.' "And in our post-civil-rights world, in an effort to bond, there are now White men leaning over a Black man's desk to talk Black conquest. "'Ooh, man, I had a Black girl last night. We were f---ing like bunnies,'" a Black-male friend quotes from one such conversation with a White colleague. "He said `like bunnies.' I wanted to kill him and smack her."

Yet if there ever was an area defined by hope over experience, this is it, almost to the point of schizophrenia. A few minutes after promising that she's through with White men, when I ask about Whoopi Goldberg and Frank Langella, Njeri exclaims, "I have always had a thing for Mr. Frank Langella. Now there is one fine White man. I will take some Mr. Frank Langella." When I laugh, it's because I hear echoes of the same "Never again ... just this last one" conversations I have with girlfriends in bars and over branch. And then it strikes me: In all the conversations I have with Black women, the strongest feeling they seem to conjure up about White men isn't love or hate. It's ambivalence.

Why the game of Twister? Let's start with the battlefield that is a Black woman's head. Twenty years ago bell hooks wrote that society was invested in making White men with Black wives taboo. Otherwise the whole power structure--White as the standard of beauty, Black-female submission, the whole BS hierarchical system as we know it--would take a tumble. According to hooks, it could be a powerful act of defiance for Black women to choose to be with White men and vice versa. But how can I get over the truth of the deviant, not defiant, behavior of the past? If my foremothers were forced to fend off White men, what does it mean if I choose to be with one? How can I look at my own honey-colored skin and not see slave rape? When Catherine, a lawyer, was at Stanford law school a couple of years ago, all 14 of the Black women there were dating White men. Discomfited, they read books and spent hours in cafes going over the same questions: What does this mean? What is the attraction? Is this a self-hatred thing? Do I hate who I am?

Ask a Black woman why she has dated White men. She'll tell you about the prison population. She'll tell you about the education disparity, with nearly twice the number of Black women as men in college. "No disrespect to my brothers who are plumbers or electricians," says Saida. "But if you have a Ph.D., you're trying to be with someone with a Ph.D." Some will say Black men pass over their dark skin and short hair for light-skinned, long-tressed sisters. She will swear she's holding out for a Black husband. She will never admit she's attracted to White men, that maybe she had some fantasies of her own, that she does it simply because she can.

And then ask a Black woman why she has broken up with White men. She'll tell you a lot of things, but it'll usually come down to fatigue. She got tired of dealing with race, that just as she got comfortable and got over the hostile stares, in came the friendly fire as a lover said or did something insensitive. "I call it the creep-up factor," says Evelyn, a diplomat. "Something happens and the national dialogue on race creeps into what was otherwise a warm and loving relationship."

White men are not unaware of the push-pull that goes on within us. They see us grimace the first time they hit the dance floor, but soon they start to figure out our world. "He was ignorant of Black culture before he met me," Kara Young says of Trump.

He would look at her quizzically when she did things like prompt him at the U.S. Open to cheer for the Black tennis star Venus Williams. Gotta support the people, explained Young. "Then he was like `Now I get it!' "All the time, "Now I get it!" she laughs. Another thing they start to get is the hair, that they need to know the difference between weaves, roller sets, twists, locks, perms. And that they need to let the water alone. Grant, a White physicist married to a Black motivational speaker, has heard the cries of White men who don't understand why playfully shoving a Black woman into the pool can get them cursed out. "I'm starting a hair club for White men with Black women," he sighs.

But it's not always so cute or so easy. White men have the luxury of thinking about race when they want to; for many of them, being with a Black woman is the first time they ever have to think about how they say what they say or understand what it's like to be the minority in the room. "Sometimes I just stay quiet," says Jon, a lawyer.

And while we deal with ambivalence, White men say they deal with fear: Will their family, their friends, their boss be cool? An ex of mine went through an elaborate production to tell his best friend, clearly fearing the worst. "You're such an idiot," the friend barked back, offended that he'd been given so little credit. Then he revealed a Black ex-girlfriend of his own. But it's usually stickier with those who don't love you unconditionally. Jon, the lawyer, recalls taking his girlfriend to a firm function. People asked them repeatedly how they met, in a way that seemed strange. "We stopped answering," he says. "We realized that what they really wanted to know was why was I with her." And he found he didn't have the heart to let the chips fall where they might. Instead he warily told his boss beforehand that his girlfriend was Black "so he wouldn't be shocked."

Of course, every Black female-White male encounter is not a case of jungle fever; people of different races do sometimes fall in love. The parents may mumble phrases like "a phase" or "in therapy." But sometimes it can get funky. Diane, a writer, says her future father-in-law, a wealthy businessman, would find ways not to talk to her while she and her husband, Daniel, were dating. Things briefly got worse when Daniel announced they were getting married. His father protested--what about the children?--and the conversation ended badly. "I just remember getting into bed and crying all night, thinking that was it, no more contact with my family," Daniel says. But as Diane points out, things can change: "People often right relationships they think they can stave off, but once things become really serious, they open themselves up to getting to know you." She and Daniel concentrate now on happier things, like their marriage, their two kids--and her warm relationship with her in-laws. "For a while, his sister was dating a Black man and his parents were fine with it," she says.

And then there are the brothers. Ask any White man what troubles him most about dating a Black woman, and the answer is the reaction of Black men. "But they mostly ignored me," Joel, a writer, says of his relationship with an old girlfriend. "They always said stuff to her." Indeed, I hear of people being threatened, shoved and cursed out, and it's usually, directed at the woman. Teddy, a handsome Black stockbroker, tells me how he and his friends feel when they see a pretty Black woman with a White man; he tells me about the three serious lovers in his life, all of whom had dated White men. "It really bothers me," he burns, the planes of his face shifting in anger. "They can't find a Black man? Get the f--- out of here."

And I squirm, hearing my father's voice meld with his. Black people are in a state of siege, he would say when I was growing up. You can't love the people and the enemy too. And there was a time when I thought it was his anger I feared. But as I get older, I realize that's the surface wound. What's deeper--and harder to handle--would be his disappointment.

Many are the moments when I think back on one particular flame. We met overseas, students run amok at Oxford. One night I noticed him standing in the backyard and staring at me through a window. We had one brief conversation. But one night at a party, I looked at him and he looked at me. He crossed the dance floor and kissed me. We were inseparable.

I carried roses when I went to meet him at bus stops. We made scenes in London bars. Often we just sat giggling as I brushed back his blond hair and kissed the corners of his aquamarine eyes. He was the first to say "I love you." Once when I was sick, he sat at his desk reading, one hand behind him, holding mine as I lay on his bed. I woke up an hour later. He had fallen asleep at the desk, his face pressed into his book. He was still holding my hand. I said "I love you" back.

But when we returned to the States, he told his mother about me. "Her name's Rachel," he said over dinner. "Like my friend in church," she snickered. Inside joke: Rachel at church was Asian, and it was impossible that her son was dating an Asian woman. "No, she's Black," he said. His mother laughed; she thought he had gone her one better. "No, she's really Black," he said. He nearly had to move out.

Soon we broke up. Perhaps it had nothing to do with race. Perhaps one day I'll believe that. Perhaps one day I'll forget watching him cross campus with his mother, not acknowledging me, looking into my eyes and looking away.

Maybe those days in Britain are why I flirt back with them. Maybe those days after Britain are why I never let them too close. But for now I just try not to think too hard about it, about truth, about lies. Or about how there's a mix of both when my friend Sela leans in to me at an East Village bar and tells me about her latest plaything, a White man. "Last White man," she giggles. "I promise."

Eating for energy: nutrient-packed foods that will keep you going and going

2007-08-08T21:29:00.000-07:00

7 POWER POINTS FOR ENERGY

1. Skip the excuses (not hungry, no time), not breakfast. A light meal is the ideal wake-up call for your brain. After a ten-hour "fast" it needs a new supply of glucose (blood sugar). For clear-headed thinking and sustained energy, eat a combination of carbohydrates, protein and fat--like a bowl of cereal with low-fat milk and a banana. Or make a fruit smoothie (fruit or fruit juice blended with milk or yogurt).

2. Eat several minimeals throughout the day instead of three large meals. A steady supply of nourishment prevents the slump brought on by low blood sugar. Plan to eat about every three hours to stay on track.

3. Pump up your iron with pumpkin seeds, canned salmon and extra-lean meat. Iron-poor blood can cause you to feel exhausted after even minimal activity, like walking up a flight of stairs. A moderately active woman should consume at least 18 milligrams of iron daily. One ounce of pumpkin seeds contains 4.25 milligrams of iron. Kidney beans, spinach and lean beef are other good sources of iron.

4. Ditch a starvation diet. Ultralow-calorie diets can result in lethargy and poor mental functioning. Consume less than 1,000 calories a day only under medical supervision.

5. Keep pick-me-up snacks on hand. Healthy, well-planned snacks can add zip when you're zapped. Smart snacks are dense with nutrients, especially carbohydrates, and light on calories (no more than 250). Try veggie sticks such as bell peppers, celery, zucchini (precut and packaged from the supermarket) with a low-fat dip; yogurt and fresh fruit; peanut butter on whole wheat crackers; and pita bread with hummus.

6. Fill up with fiber. Foods that contain dietary fiber make their way through the stomach slowly, helping you to feel full and energized longer. Reach for apples, pears, strawberries, dried figs, Brussels sprouts, baked potatoes with skin, bran cereals and oatmeal. A sprinkle of oat bran or wheat germ over yogurt, salads or desserts adds vital B vitamins as well as fiber. Count in at least 20 grams of fiber daily.

7. Water: Don't leave home without it. Starting the day with a full 32-ounce or one-liter bottle of water that you carry with you helps you keep track of your water intake and serves as a reminder to drink. Dehydration can cause fatigue and poor performance.

KEEP YOUR ELECTROLYTES CURRENT

Three common minerals--sodium, chloride and potassium--are collectively known as electrolytes. They get their name because they transmit electrical currents in our bodies. Their job is to maintain the water balance in cells and to help muscles contract and relax. As you sweat during a workout, your body loses small amounts of electrolytes, mostly sodium. (You've probably tasted the saltiness of your perspiration.) This is where bottled sports drinks come into play. Their mix of salt and sugar help to renew your charge and vitality. Gatorade's Propel Fitness Water and Reebok Fitness Water are popular choices. In addition, there's a new assortment of vitamin- and mineral-enhanced waters, like Glaceau Fruit Water and Veryfine [Fruit.sub.2]O, that are calorie-free. Water, of course, is an excellent choice for rehydration; it's just hard to get enough of it down sometimes. The designer waters offer flavorful alternatives.

ENERGY BUSTERS

Just as you can eat certain foods at specific times for a surge, there are foods and habits that can trigger a slump. Avoid the following:

* More than two 5-ounce cups of coffee a day Excess caffeine can trigger withdrawal symptoms that include fatigue (which may lead to another cup of coffee). Coffee may also interfere with a good night's sleep and cause a groggy start the following day.

* A high-calorie meal of 1,000 calories or more When the body shifts into gear to digest a large meal loaded with fried or fatty foods and carbohydrates, topped off with high-calorie sweets, it spends a lot of effort. This can cause tiredness and you won't have enough energy to do the things you want to do. No wonder you feel like napping.

* A junk-food habit Chips, donuts, soft drinks and candy bars are okay as an occasional treat. But they offer too few nutrients and too many calories, and are a poor substitute for healthy snacks.

THE ONLY TIME

2007-08-08T21:28:00.000-07:00


  the only time a man
  can tell a woman
  he loves her too much is when
  he doesn't mean it.

Why he won't commit: 10 reasons he has cold feet—and what you can do about it - intimacies

2007-08-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

It's no surprise to single sisters that men are dragging their feet down the aisle. The National Marriage Project at New Jersey's Rutgers University recently came out with a list of the top-ten reasons. But does the study of 25-to-33-year-old men truly reflect what's going on with our bachelor brothers? We asked three Black men who are relationship experts how the following factors affect marriage in our community, and what sisters can do.

Reason #1: Men can get sex without marriage more easily than before. "Absolutely true," says William July, author of the new book The Hidden Lover: What Women Need to Know That Men Can't Tell Them (Doubleday). "There was a time when women could get men to commit by holding out on sex. But today a marriageable brother can take advantage of the fact that he's a rarity and choose from among a variety of women. He may have a `go to' girl available at a moment's notice."

Bottom line: Don't use sex in a power play. "With so much available, it can become devalued," says July. "Women should seek out the man who views sex as a component of a multidimensional and monogamous relationship--the man who has grown beyond the games and is ready for real love."

Reason #2: Men can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting. "Men are quite frugal when it comes to commitment," says couples therapist and minister Ronn Elmore, Ph.D. "They typically offer a woman only as much commitment as they perceive necessary to have her. A woman who fears she may scare a man off by insisting on marriage may accept cohabitation. If you'll take less for it, he'll offer less for it.

Bottom line: Don't assume that living together will get you closer to the altar. "In a relationship that's getting serious, it's always best to state clearly, without apology, that your objective is marriage," Elmore advises. "Then, unless you're willing to wait indefinitely, ask him to be clear about what he wants. If he says that his objective is living together, when what you really want is a husband, say so and then move on."

Reason #3: They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks. "Many men can hardly afford to live by themselves and may be reluctant to get into a relationship that could eventually destroy them financially," observes Rozario Slack, director of fathering and urban initiatives for First Things First, an organization in Chattanooga that promotes marriage and family. Many men have never seen a healthy marriage, so they may view their odds of having one as slim to none, he adds. "Others wish to avoid passing on to their children their own experience of having an absent father," he says. "Illogically, these men avoid marrying their children's mother for fear that the union will eventually end in divorce."

Bottom line: Strive to become financially independent. "A man can relax when he knows he doesn't have to bear the full load," Slack says. "A woman also needs to reassure her mate that he is irreplaceable and that, in her eyes, divorce is not an option."

Reason #4: They want to wait until they are older to have children. July comments: "Ask even the most hot-to-trot bachelor if he wants to have kids and he'll say, `Sure--one day.' Men do want to parent, they just aren't in a hurry. First of all, a man's biological clock runs a looooong time. Secondly, since men feel they must provide for their families, they'd rather wait until career and income strength increases."

Bottom line: "Waiting to be a parent isn't a bad thing," July points out. "It's better for a man to be ready, willing and able to be a father to his children than to be someone you have to chase for child support! But I believe some men are as interested in having kids early as some women are. The key issue for men is a solid economic foundation. If you can partner with a man to help him achieve that security, he may embrace parenthood."

Reason #5: They fear marriage will require too many changes and compromises. "Men instinctively gravitate toward what they believe they will succeed at and away from what they fear is a setup for them to fail," suggests Elmore, author of How to Love a Black Man (Warner Books) and An Outrageous Commitment: The 48 Vows of an Indestructible Marriage (HarperCollins). "They often complain that the more serious the commitment level, the more demanding women become. Even when the expectations are valid, men may be wary that new ones might arise after they jump the broom. Black men, in particular, are unwilling to risk failing in front of their women, and you can't fail at what you didn't commit to."

Bottom line: "Constantly point out ways in which he already meets or exceeds some of your most significant expectations," Elmore says. "Be specific. It will assure him that you find him wonderfully competent in the job of loving you. Behavior you reward is behavior he will be inclined to repeat--often in other important areas of the relationship as well."

Reason #6: They're waiting for the perfect soul mate who hasn't yet appeared. "Those seeking a `perfect' soul male may have a difficult time dealing with their own imperfection," Slack says. "They often use the excuse that it's other people who don't measure up. Waiting for Miss Perfect can also be a mask for a fear of failure, especially if a guy has been disappointed in love. Others feel they are unworthy of a lasting relationship because of unresolved issues such as drug or alcohol use, promiscuity, unemployment, illiteracy or an arrest record. So they unknowingly sabotage potentially lasting relationships by creating artificial barriers."

Bottom line: "Suggest to him that lasting love is a matter of choice," advises Slack. What's important isn't finding the perfect mate, but making a commitment to love the person you choose.

Reason #7: Men face few social pressures to marry. "For Black women, the traditional view holds: Something must be wrong if you reach a certain age without having married," Elmore asserts. "When it comes to Black men, however, it can mean that his standards are high and no woman has yet measured up. Is it true? Is it fair? Probably not."

Bottom line: Resist any urge to bluff, manipulate or pressure a man toward marriage. "It never works to push, and you don't want a husband who had to be coaxed to commit," explains Elmore.

Reason #8: They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children. "These relationships often raise concern for a number of reasons," says Slack. "The child's father is present in many men's minds, though he may be conspicuously absent. There may be child-support issues. Contact with the father may be dangerous. The man fears being cast in a role that he did not intend to fill. The children, who have not yet healed from their old wounds, may not respect him. Family members may stigmatize him for not finding a `better situation.'"

Bottom line: "Develop a caring relationship with the man, love him as he is, and communicate that you want him for him, not just for a role you want him to play in your child's life," Slack suggests. "Out of responsibility and love for you, his feelings may develop for your children. He may be surprised to discover he got such a good package deal."

Reason #9: They want to own a house before they get a wife. "It is really important for women to understand this," July advises. "Women often want to build things together as a couple. But for men, it's the opposite. A house is his stake in the partnership. A man without a job or an adequate income tends to feel compromised and of less value as a mate."

Bottom line: Help your man believe his achievements are significant, says July. "A man who feels honored, respected and appreciated will give you his heart, mind and body. That's the man who will buy a house with you and have kids too!"

Reason #10: They want to enjoy single life as long as they can. "Though many Black men may lack a sufficient male support network [fathers, mentors, friends], they are likely to have numerous women in their corner [mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, sisters, girlfriends]," Elmore observes. "Thus a man can have significant female relationships, along with the nurturing and companionship they offer, while enjoying the single life for a long time."

Bottom line: "Just be his girlfriend until you become his wife," Elmore suggests. "Making yourself available to be his therapist, social secretary, supervisor, mother, errand girl, spiritual adviser and his girlfriend confuses him and can sabotage your marital aspirations." Functioning in those other roles, many of which are only appropriate for a wife, will make marrying you seem unnecessary, cautions Elmore. And what could be further from the truth!

Pamela Johnson is a contributing writer for ESSENCE. She is an author who most recently coedited an anthology on hair.

Horoscope

2007-08-08T21:19:00.000-07:00

COSMIC FORECAST Mercury, planet of communication, will be retrograde until January 25, bringing mechanical breakdowns, frustrating travel plans or causing personal setbacks. It's critical to stay positive. You may discover a detail that is key to your success. After the 18th Mars in Sagittarius inspires a global can-do spirit.

CAPRICORN DECEMBER 22-JANUARY 19 With Saturn, the disciplinarian, as your ruler, you play by the rules and insist that others do, too. Though uncomfortable with displays of emotion, you're a loyal and generous friend. You are naturally resourceful and, short of compromising your principles, will do what's necessary to succeed. Now if you loosen up and have fun, life will be wonderful

Your Year Ahead Saturn ends a two-and-a-half-year stay in your work and health sector on June 4, so take care of any physical ailments before then. After June 5 a friendship could suddenly turn serious. Why resist? You're tired of going it alone.

Your Month The sun and moon join forces in your sign, giving you a surge of energy. Use it to initiate projects and start a fitness routine. If you're single, it's time to forgive past hurts and open your heart. Consider: Delays are opportunities to rethink goals.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20-Feb. 18 Bosses or authority figures may be demanding this month. Ease the pressure by accepting social invitations from close friends. You'll be well placed to take advantage of opportunities. Around the 18th you could be extra sensitive with coworkers. Your challenge: Choose your response wisely.

PISCES Feb. 19-March 20 The new moon in Capricorn on the 2nd inspires you to get more organized. It's time to put into practice all you've learned from meeting new people and experiencing new places. You're realizing that a change in perception is needed for you to achieve your goals. Spiritual tip: Love is all around you.

ARIES March 21-April 20 Wait until after the 18th to close a deal or start a new project. As Mars boosts your confidence, the urge to travel and escape the mundane will be very strong. At mid-month, communicate your feelings to people you care about. Misconceptions can be cleared up now. Good news: Your personal magnetism is high.

TAURUS April 21-May 20 You may not want to give in to someone close, but it helps to consider another point of view. With Mars in your partnership sector until the 18th, be patient with your loved one. You'll realize you have what it takes to face a challenge. Make that phone call, write that letter, let your emotions flow. Advice: Put family first.

GEMINI May 21-June 20 You may feel you need space in a relationship, but this mood will pass. Use your gift for words to be clear but compassionate. On the 18th review finances and plan to increase your income. Remember: What you focus on grows.

CANCER June 21-July 22 Now's the perfect time to reflect on promises made six months ago and rethink goals. With the new moon in your partnership sector on January 4, you may start a relationship or change the rules in an existing one. Your task: Be true to your ideals.

LEO July 23-Aug. 22 With Mars energizing your love and creativity sector at the end of the month, you'll be forthright in love and determined to use your talents. Jupiter, in your sign through next August, adds joy to life. Spiritual tip: Gratitude is powerful.

VIRGO Aug. 23-Sept. 22 Mars has you beautifying your home and putting paperwork in order. Be patient with those who aren't as organized as you are, and seek out those who are. Around the 18th don't miss social gatherings with people who can help you achieve your goals. Best bet: Teach by example.

LIBRA Sept. 23-Oct. 22 With the new moon in your home sector on January 2, you'll start renovation projects or entertain lavishly. Around the 18th you may need to make peace with authority figures to achieve happiness. Your message: Love yourself unconditionally.

SCORPIO Oct. 23-Nov. 22 You've recently been preoccupied with finishing up personal projects. Now it's time to go out and sell your ideas. With Mars moving into your money sector, be careful not to overspend or sign contracts too hastily. You'll feel more peaceful than you've felt in months. Remember: Success happens a day at a time.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23-Dec. 21 Venus and Mars both enter your sign, sparking ideas and the zest to pursue them. And with Jupiter influencing your travel sector, you'll feel a yen for new cultures and distant lands. Through August, people you meet could take you in exciting directions. Rest assured: Nothing's too good to be true.

Is stress making you fat? - straight talk

2007-08-08T21:17:00.000-07:00

Two and a half pounds. That's how much weight I've lost in the week that I've been on my new eating plan. I can't bring myself to say "diet." After all, I've been down the "diet" road so many times I some times feel I'm going in circles. Weight Watchers. Pills. Scarsdale. Bahamian. Atkins. Been there, done them all.

The good news is, some of the habits I developed during leaner years have stayed with me: Fried, sweet and fast foods are never as appealing as a big crunchy salad or grilled veggies, and I'd still rather walk than ride. I am, however, less successful at managing the stress in my life. And when I'm anxious, I eat.

I believe stress, along with the slower metabolism that comes with growing older, explains why, in the past few years, the pounds have piled on with a vengeance. I frequently feel overwhelmed by the large and small dramas that come with being a very busy Black woman living in America. It seems there aren't enough hours in my day to do all the things I need to do. I often can't find the time or mental space to go to the gym, get on the treadmill, take the long, brisk power walks I so love, or be more mindful about my eating.

I know I'm not alone. In a country gripped by an epidemic of obesity, Black women are at the top of the scale. Women's work is by nature stressful; it's in our DNA to nurture, fret and worry as we take care of everyone else and put ourselves last. It's no small miracle that we manage to keep ourselves together as well as we do. But I know I have to do better. I don't want to risk the consequences of not doing better: diabetes, stroke, hypertension, premature death. Or simply that miserable feeling you get when your favorite slacks are too tight

This month I'd like to reach out personally to those of you who face a similar challenge. Let's join hands and make 2003 the year we vow to work--one day at a time--toward getting in shape by adopting better eating and exercise habits. Here in our offices, senior health and features editor Sharon Boone is organizing a fitness "sister circle." Many of our staff members have already signed on. Our goal is to provide a way for you to join us so we can support each other in reaching our fitness goals. That's why, in this issue, we're kicking off part one of a three-part Total Health Challenge, which we hope will inspire you to develop a healthier lifestyle. Now you know I want to hear from you on this one. Is stress making you fat? If so, what are you planning to do about it, and how can we help? Please Email me at dweathers@essence.com, or write me at 1500 Broadway, New York NY 10036.